fiction / reality...fantasy world AS girl?

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Hello all,
I am new here and wondered if anyone can offer advice at all. I have a 5 year old son diagnosed with AS and a 3 year old girl at the very beginning of her diagnostic / assessment journey.

My daughter shows very similar signs to her brother but is much more subtle ( he 'explodes' over little things, my daughter 'withdraws', my son doesn't want to interact with his peers much at all, my daughter does but stands too close, mimics, ends up on her own as is repetitive or takes ' jokes' seriously and is hurt etc)

The major difficulty I am having at the moment is with my DD. She is so 'hard to reach' sometimes.... she spends so much of her time in her own little fantasy / imaginary play(?) world..... re-inacts things she has seen or read but with her own little ' twists'....but the time spent in this interaction with herself is taking up so much time:( Aswell as this she is saying things have happened when they haven't e.g. talks about what a 'friend's' mum has said to him that morning when she hasn't a) seen that friend for over a week and has never met his mum! Or talks about a girl at nursery who likes EVERYTHING my daughter likes.... even to food quirks' and her love of triangles! I would think this was ' neuro typical imaginary play but the amount of spent in ' roles', or ' fantasy' is huge and am wondering if it is a means of her coping with the world ?

It is seriously like living with Walter Mitty ( not meant to offend anyone ).... and I just do not know how to help her. Bearing in mind she is hugely sensitive to any kind of criticism I just don't know whether I should be pointing out when things haven't happened or whether this would ' freak her out', damage her self esteem , or ruin this possible coping mechanism she has created for herself?

Has anyone experienced this at all? Any advice greatly appreciated:)

Kind Regards,
Beth

At age 3 I wouldn't worry about it too much. My daughter had a rich imaginary world too. I would talk to her at quiet calm times about the difference between "imaginary" and "real". I wouldn't link the conversation to her specifically, it just started a conversation about it. Then I could point out imaginary things and real things and say things like "I like this book. It has a lot of fun and exciting things in it. But it isn't real." SLOWLY, you can start to make connections, when she is ready. If she is like my daughter she will come to a point where she will begin asking you "Is that real?" with regard to things. Like "Is the moon real?" "Is Star Wars real?" etc. I think it's really hard for them at that young age to distinguish the two, and perhaps she's not ready to admit what isn't real.

I was this way: I had such a fantastic and detailed imaginary world that it entered nearly every room in the house.

I think it was my way of trying to work through social situations, to practice. I was left on my own most of the time, so nobody ever worried about it (and I am fairly sure I never shared it with anyone, so if I was chatting with an imaginary friend and a real person came into the room, I'd stop.) I had very few friends and a huge imagination, so I just made them up to keep me company wherever I went; there was a way in which they were very real to me.

If you can overhear what's going on, you might gain some insight into what's going on with your daughter. She may give you direct information about what specific issues she's having difficulty with in communicating with other kids.

Momsparky makes a good point. My son is seven and he is more communicative now than he used to be. But last year, and the year before, most of what I found out was bothering him came out in his imaginary play. He didn't really start until he was four, either, so we are a little late and we'll probably be doing it longer, but that is fine by me.

It is a safe place for them to try out different things, too. My son is also delayed on emotional awareness, but in his pretend play he will make the characters feel emotion so he can understand them. He knows it is pretend, and so he knows it is safe.

It is a very useful, tool, and at 3 it is very age appropriate, too. So, I think it is a very good thing.

My daughter does this too. NT 3 year olds don't usually get the difference between reality and fantasy until 4 or so. She's 10 and kind of gets it.

Thank you so much for the taking the time to reply folks, I really appreciate it:)

I will really try not to worry about it but when it takes up so much of her time and is so hard to 'reach'. in many ways anyway... little eye contact, hates affection, ( so doesn't like kisses or cuddles at all.... but have recently discovered that she loves being rolled and squashed up in a duvet and it is just so lovely seeing her smile!) She is even incredibly good at American accents now too! It is like she is shutting the world out. I almost see it like a 'stim' i think.... the more anxious she seems to be , the more she retreats into fantasy play... whereas my son will rock, blow on his hands or escape through books ( usually Roald Dahl!) or maps (!) or computer games.

I will definitely pay close attention as to what is going on.... some days it just seems to be ' re- inacting' ( e.g. yesterday alternated between playing at Emily and the Black loch run ( one of her favourite Thomas Tank Engine Stories!) and Dora...climbing number mountain but added someone stealing her handbag and that she wouldn't be able to get to the zoo now until she chased the witch! ( very complicated... but think there were bits of 'Dear Zoo'- another favourite book, one episode of Dora and goodness knows what else.)

But momsparky I think you have something there as lot of her play seems to be running away from things... she doesn't act fearful but when playing with other kids, they often run away from her or leave her on her own or tell her to play somewhere else ( it is absolutely breaking my heart and it is making matters worse as these children are asking why she is 'always crying'... apart from the fact she is sad because she is on her own alot she has ALOT of sensory issues that upset her too:( yet in her fantasy play, she is the one running away... so maybe it makes her feel ' in control' for a change.

I know I have alot of aspie traits and I know I was very imaginative as a child and pretended to be someone else ( was Diana Roberts in my 'head' for about a year when i was 8 ... she was everythng I wasn't lol!) and got lost playing imaginatively easily but I just don't remember it taking up so much of my time or confusing reality and fantasy if you know what I mean. And as she is so young, there isn't alot of info out there to help me with a very young Aspie female ( like I say she may not be, but there are alot of 'red flags' from advanced vocabulary , precocious talker, lining things up, issues with changing routes, moving toys from usual places, even moving breakfast cereals out of line, limited eye contact,alot of sensory issues etc etc and AS and classic autism on both sides of the family... oh and good old ' mother's instinct!)

Anyway, many thanks again, I really do appreciate it:)

Berth

I have a question for you. What exactly is reality, the essence and nature of reality? How can one tell what reality is supposed to truly be?

I am pretty clear that my son is not Batman, even if he isn't sure. For one thing, I am ABSOLUTELY certain he's not a multimillionaire in his spare time.

You might want to look into Floortime. They are very focused on ways to join your child in whatever they are focused on and drawing them into more and more interaction.

I understand what you are saying. I wasn't trying to be snide or snarky. An example of what I was trying to get at is human beings can only hear a certain frequency of sounds. Dogs can hear sounds we cannot. What I am saying is human beings only perceive a certain segment of reality and we still do not understand how all of reality and existence really works. Are there cases in which a person may see something that is truly there but others may not see it because these others may not perceive this "frequency" sorta speak? Do you understand what I am saying? This is where I become confused myself.

More than likely you are right momsparky. I think I may have misunderstood the pragmatics of the word reality. Wait a minute though if he was a multimillionaire then wouldn't you be a multimillionaire? If he was then why isn't he sharing the money with you?

I really do think too much. I'm an overthinker.

I know you weren't trying to be rude (and, while I was making a joke to make my point, I wasn't trying to be rude, either.)

There is a difference between perspective, opinion, and reality. Yes, there is some grey area - but it's not a vast grey area. The majority of the time, it's fairly easy to distinguish between them, even when you have difficulty communicating.

This is a normal stage of development that can be taken to extremes. Very few adults in control of their mental faculties believe they are Superman and try to fly off their roof because they know from experience that gravity is a very real thing.

lol I understand what you are saying.

Socrates said "I know one thing, that I know nothing." It really means no one knows anything with absolute certainty. It also means we can only be reasonably certain of everything. By this logic how can I say that I know that no one knows anything with absolute certainty including me?

Going further, if I can't absolutely know the truthness to the phrase "no one knows anything with absolute certainity" then why can't I make a reasonably certain conclusion that there are certain things in life that people including you and I know with absolute certainty? As examples why can't we conclude that you are reasonably certain that you are absolutely certain that your son is not batman, your son is not a multi-millionaire and no one can fly like superman?

LOL, Cubedemon, you know the answer to that - because if we don't act as though some things are certain, we are paralyzed and can't do anything. You can maintain your assumption that nothing is certain if you want, but at some point, somebody has to clean the toilet, whether it really exists or not. (You can't get out of it just by saying dirt and germs might be figments of our imagination.)

Philosophy 101.

This will probably be on-going throughout her life but as she gets older, it will probably lessen to some extent.

Once she can read, she may escape into books where she can visualise everything that goes on, or perhaps into films, or art. As she gets older there will be more outlets for this kind of thing, so at 3 I wouldn't worry too much, even if it seems like a big deal right now. You could encourage her to start drawing now as another outlet, some kids really take to it.

Perhaps once she's older, you can use philoshpy to keep her a little more grounded? Once she starts asking questions about the world around her, that is when you have a chance to keep her grounded. If she doesn't respond to that, then that's when it would be the time to start worrying.

Um....that kind of discussion is a special interest of mine. My short answer is that reality is a tenuous concept at best. I know very well that her reality is different from my reality and just as valid. It's nice when we can find areas where we share realities. If that makes sense.

You're right. This means we can derive two two things. There are things we can only be reasonably certain of. There are things we can be absolutely certain of. I have never taken a Philosophy class in my entire life. How am I able to naturally do all of this?

I have to clean the toilet myself sometimes. The trash has to be taken out as well. I am the primary person who handles that. It is one of my chores around my household. My wife will not touch the trash at all so I have to do it. Eventually, I do have to clean our trash cans. Who handles the trash at where you live?