Talks to strangers non stop!

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Hello all.. haven't been on in a quick bit but wanted to see if this was an aspie trait..

My son who is so shy while out in public has been going to the pool lately and when an adult comes in he like won't stop talking to them!!

Like a lady came with her baby and he was telling her all about wii music and asked her if she knew what a bassoon was and got mad when she said it wrong. The lady was like wtf and was kinda rude to him saying I don't have those games. She was like wow he sure talks a lot. I was embarrassed because he was like talking and just saying random things that I understand what he means and it broke my heart when she was rude to him.

Other than that things have been going very well. His teacher told me that he made a joke in class the other day and has made one really good friend that he plays with at recess everyday! Usually he hangs out by himself and just walks around.

He is still wearing his ear protection during lunch but that is fine by me. His teacher really is proud of all his strides he has made this year!!

Thanks guys!!

I was just like that when I was a little girl, my parents would take my brother and me to campgrounds in the summer and I would wander off and talk to every adult I met, or if they had a dog I would be so happy and excited. I don't really remember what stuff I'd babble on about though. It's a wonder my parents didn't tie me to a leash! My older brother, on the other hand, was very quiet and shy and he would just stay where he was when we arrived at a camping spot. He has never been diagnosed with Asperger's, he's just a seemingly average guy with not so average interests and hobbies (almost anything intellectual and/or artistic).

ty so much for your quick reply!

Joe is normally very reserved unless it is another kid his age, then he maybe will come out of his shell. It just seems lately he is very very open and tells them everything! He doesn't seem to pick up on the cues that they are lacking interest or bored just another thing we gotta work on I suppose.

As far as I can remember I was not a delayed talker. But people didn't really want to listen to me, either, when I was a kid.

yeah Joe was never delayed, began speaking full sentences very very early. Now he is 6.5 and reads and talks well above his peers. Just kinda goes on and on lol. I love it but strangers think its well.. strange...

Maybe write a social story about different "social group" and what is appropriate to say and do with each group. Having the guidelines might help them navigate the social scene a bit more.

This is a great topic for a social story. The story might include some ideas of things that we talk with perfect strangers about "Nice weather we're having today" and how long we talk to them, e.g. we make one or two comments then we give them a chance to reply, etc. You can also role play this with him or if you have some friends who would be willing he can practice on them.

Not getting that other people are uninterested in your topic of "conversation" is a very common Aspie trait. If you and the teacher and others around him take the time to teach him he can learn how to mitigate some so that it doesn't feel so awkward for everyone. At 6.5 he may not recognize the rudeness from people who don't know how to handle this behavior but he will eventually and it will be a lot easier for him if you specifically teach him about the social interaction necessary than it will be when he is totally embarrassed by a stranger's rude behavior.

Has he been in a lot of therapy?
I was scared of adults when I was little but my daughter seems to think every adult, especially young women, are therapists and she talks on and on to them. One time my son was talking to this woman in the vets office and she was the same way this woman was to your son so I thought it was funny because he had no idea and I thought she deserved to be tortured, because typically I will save people. Like the time my daughter kept asking a little girl what her name is "whats your name?" "Hailey" "My name is Maddy, whats your name?" and on and on...the little girl was laughing so Maddy thought it was funny but I redirected her to look at the fish (we were at the doctors office)...I did feel kind of bad even though Maddy didnt know that the little girl was laughing AT her she was trying to be social and it was the only thing she could think to say.

Anyway at the vets office my son wanted to talk about his cat and the lady had an orange cat and he told her that we have one too so he had to tell her all about all of our cats, where we got them and then he started talking about bats and did she like bats? and why not? they are not dangerous unless you are in the (I dont know where the vampire bats are and hes not here to ask), they mainly eat fruit, did you know that? and they hunt at night because they use echo location .

When I thought about it, I am now the same way....or as I got older. I loved and love to talk to people about my special interest or my kids and I get very excited and when I get excited I have a tendency to raise my voice and start jumping back and forth because I forgot to say something and I interupt people because I may forget the thing I wanted to say. My husband and even my oldest daughter pat me on the arm or hold my hand (its our little secret tip so I know that Im going nutso on someone). I, like my son, dont really know that Im annoying someone or freaking them out because Im so into what Im talking about.

The best thing to do with your son is to try to redirect him....being at the pool you could have maybe asked him how long he could hold his breath and then tell him to prove it or something like that.....that is if he can swim, dont want him to drown...anyway, you get my meaning.

If he was previously shy then I would let him talk. Holding conversations with someone requires various skills.

The first one is, realizing that you should share your likes and interests with others. This is probably something your son has just realized.

He does not yet know about moderation, about boundaries, or asking others about their interests. He might learn these on his own but it may take a few years. I wouldn't intervene at this moment unless he is speaking to someone you feel might be a danger to him in some way. Attempting to limit him just because he is annoying the other person might cause him to retreat again because he may worry he will get in trouble if he speaks due to his lack of other conversational skills.

There's no reason she can't also be guiding him in conversation via role play and social stories. If he continues to have these conversations that are unsuccessful he may be turned off to even trying just the same. Learning these habits is a lot easier early on rather than later when other habits are really ingrained and more automatic.

There is a reason she likely can't, and that's because to her these rules and the logic behind them are genetically programmed to the extent that she can't explicitly articulate them to him. Thus if she were to attempt to guide him, from his perspective, she would just be giving him arbitrary commands.

She may also tell him something that applies in one situation and not another, and he will not understand why that is unless she has covered all basis on that matter. Further more, if he does something inappropriate in the context of the situation, that she had told him to do weeks, months, or years ago in another situation, she might not remember....I've found that frequently when a child on the spectrum does something that doesn't make sense, it's because at some point, in another situation, they were told to do that.

I think your perception that his conversations are unsuccessful, is an NT one and doesn't necessarily apply to kids with AS, or kids in general. I don't think he has the same expectations from a conversation at this point in his life that you would, and he may never have the types of expectations that an NT might have. His only expectation might be that people know what he is talking about.

Kids on the spectrum can and do learn rules for "NT conversation." While it might not make sense at first, with practice they will begin to learn how to best apply their skills. Will it work every time? no. Will it improve their ability to make and keep friends in the future? Yes.

It's like learning a different language. It feels all funny and doesn't make sense at first, but with practice and some mistakes along the way, one can become fluent enough to connect with others that speak the language. When I say "unsuccessful" I mean that it will get to a point when the child realizes that no one is listening to what they are saying. As they get older this will have even more serious ramifications as they will have a hard time making and keeping friends, talking to their teachers, etc.

Just because your brain is wired one way doesn't mean you can't learn different ways of doing things, especially when your brain is young and has more plasticity.

It's a kid thing. Kids in general have less of a social filter. Autism expands on that. I did it, and some of my kids did/do it.

I never said they couldn't. But I've lived my life in an NT world with an AS brain and I have learned all too well that NTs,with few exceptions, are generally not very well qualified to teach children with AS social skills, because of their difficulty in understanding the perspective of the child with AS.

A good illustration of this is that your definition of a successful conversation seems to be one where the person listens to what you are saying and appreciates it. This is a concept that might not actually exist within the mind of some children with AS. Some children with AS talk just because they like to hear themselves talk about things they are interested in. You have to understand that that desire to have the person appreciate what they say might not be there and their idea of a successful conversation and fulfilling conversation might just entail them talking and relaying all the information they have to relay. This is why some people with AS will continue talking even when the person firmly states they don't want to hear anymore.

For people who were previously shy and quite, the very act of formulating their thoughts into words and sharing them with another person is new territory and you should not underestimate the complexity of this and the risk the person takes on when they first embark on this

I am not proposing to never teach the child social skills, but the OP should first learn how to teach a child with AS social skills.

I just now saw all the further replies.

I really appreciate all of them. Chronos you are right, it is hard to put myself in his shoes. I am going to continue to let him kinda try to navigate his own little convos for now. Unless of course it seems dangerous.

Thanks again!! !