is there such a thing as being too social?

Post Reply New Topic

My son has always approached adults and kids, and not understanding social cues or even what they have said to him (when he was younger) he will still keep talking to them or approaching them to play, etc...and I have found over the years, that the kids my son apporaches are very put off by a kid they dont know approaching them. For instance, we were at the park, he overheard a boy about his age waiting for the swing and when a swing opened up, he approached the boy and said, "excuse me, the swing is free" the boy looked at him like he had 10 heads, he didnt answer my son. My son repeated himself again, 2 more times. The boy looked at him, siad "I dont know you" in a nasty tone. My son said, "I am Jayden, you wanted a swing before and one is free now". The kid repeated, "I dont know who you are" and walked away. I thanked my son for being kind and let it be.

He will approach other kids to play and they all look at him like he is an alien, and most dont respond to him, but he will persue them, or he will go to as many kids as it takes until someone allows him to play (only tag, that is the game he will ask them to play). These other kids at the park were playing tag and he wanted to joint them, he asked over and over and they just stopped and looked at him, no response. He finally just started playing tag with them, and they accpeted him.

I am proud of him for approaching and asking to play, and he is 6, but I wonder if it is ok tha the just doesnt get it that the kids are baffled by him. Also, wonder how this will effect him as he gets older. he used to follow kids like a puppy dog, even when they were rude to him, telling him NO you cant play with us, he would still follow them around, oblivious to their words.

He will also walk over to any and everyone and just start hanging out with them like he knows them forever. I fear for his safety. He is so gullible, if someone smiles at him he will hug them. Stranger or not. I work with him on stranger safety, but he just doesnt get it. He is completely baffled by who is a stranger, how when and why you can and cant talk to someone, like waiting rooms in Drs offices, poeple we see in 7-11 all the time, etc...

any ideas

I think that is so sweet. I hope my son blossoms that way. I think it's easier to taper the friendliness than to encourage it. My 3 yo recently started saying a cheery "Hi" to random strangers (not sure what about the person he likes). I am encouraging it right now because I think it's a great skill to have. I was very shy as a child and didn't come out of my shell until I hit college. Your son is already ahead of the game.

You can also encourage him to be friendly to the really shy kids. I think they would appreciate him more and I doubt they would ever reject him.

You've just described my daughter, who is also 6. I find it very endearing, but other kids sometimes look at her as if she has horns, for having the nerve to speak to them. The nice, well mannered kids accept it and she's made an instant temporary friendship. She goes up to adults too and sometimes appears to forget she's with us, although she seems to be growing out of that.

I was very similar as a young child. But, from the age of 7, I became very shy (I think I suddenly became aware of what was going on with the other kids) and I only recently managed to overcome it. That's something I fear happening to her, but I'm hoping to help her to keep her confidence. That's more of a worry to me than 'stranger danger', as I think she's getting that now. But, she might not be like me in that sense anyway, so there's no point in worrying about it until there's something to address.

It's looking like my daughter doesn't have Aspergers. She has definite autistic traits, but whether she'll get a diagnosis of an ASD, we don't know yet.

I hope there are some parents of older kids who can give us some words of wisdom on this.

Good luck to you and your lovely wee boy. x

Wait until they get to 18. My daughter wants to teach English and is off to university soon. She then wants to teach in Africa. I have nightmares about it. Everyone she meets is her friend and therefore entirely trustworthy. I'll be waiting for the phone call from the Consulate to say she's been arrest as a drugs mule for naively carrying her 'friends' suitcase through customs for them.

This is my son exactly. As a young child, he always did better with older kids or adults. When he was 2-4, if we went to the playground, he would usually find some older girl that thought he was so cute and wanted to Mommy him to play with. He would talk to any adult when we would go to the waiting room at doctor's offices. When I was pregnant with the triplets, I was having contractions early and had to go to triage at the hospital for monitoring. My husband had my to bring my son and his brother and sit in the waiting room. A family was also there, waiting for a baby to be born. When I was released and let out, my husband said my son had sat in every adults lap there and talked their heads off. It was easy for him to be friendly with adults at that age. Since he was so advance they liked to ooo and ahhh over all he knew at his age, so he could talk about whatever he liked and they would listen to him and compliment him. I had to be extra vigilant with him as I was scared to death he would walk right off with someone.

I have continually talked to all the kids about safety. They are in scouts and we have to talk about youth protection. We don't talk about it all the time, but it has been a continuing talk over the years. It is obvious that while he is confident, the rule oriented side of him does grasp the concept. I had him in a social skills group the summer before 3rd grade. There was another boy that went we knew from our OT/PT office. The boys went at the same time and knew one another because their OTs would sometimes have them do stuff together. Me and the other Mom would talk in the waiting room a lot. One day, his Mom asked if my son could go to their house to play with her son after social skills group. I agreed and after sitting there for awhile, we realized it was dumb for me to sit there when I wasn't taking him home. Without thinking about talking to my son first, I went ahead and left. She called me later and said my son wanted to talk to me to make sure it was okay for him to go home with her. I was very proud that he had rememebred that. He wouldn't leave with her until he talked to me. It was nice to know the lessons were getting through.

These are a couple of videos I purchased for my kids about safety. They are silly, but they loved them.

http://www.thesafeside.com/

Now, I am more worried about him attaching to the wrong kids. He too will always play with the kids who could care less about him. He has a twin brother and a brother and two sisters only 2 years younger and every time we go to the neighborhood pool, he will find some group of kids to try to hang out with. A few times it has been kids just enough older to worry me. Most of the time, the kids just try to ignore him, he is oblivious, and hangs on the fringes of their group, being ignored. Sometimes he drives me crazy trying to be a part of older kids groups. The ones in middle school that are at that awful age. One time he had a girl at the pool pretend she spoke another language when he tried to talk to her. I could hear her and it was gibberish she was making up. He believe her and kept trying to get her to understand things. Her friend and her kept laughing because he never caught on. When he finally came back to my table, I explained it to him, but it still took a bit for him to believe me. After all, why would the girl make up something like that? Then there was the group of older boys he asked to join their group. I knew it was bad news, but I stayed back and watched. Mostly, they had him fetching things and pretending to have a swim race with him, which annoyed me, but was pretty harmless, then I saw him swim underwater toward another group of kids and swim back. I knew they had had him do something to one of the boys because one of those kids looked down with a funny look when my son swam by. I called my son out and asked him what he did. The group he was with got him to swim over and kiss the other boy on the butt. We had to have a whole talk about what in the world was he thinking doing anything those boys asked him to do. It ended up being a learning experience about being naive, but he still goes and tries to make friends with random kids everywhere we go.

Sometimes, he will make friends with kids much younger, like in Kindergarten or 1st grade. Even though he he is more immature than his peers, he isn't that much immature and I would wonder why he would gravitate toward someone that much younger. I finally figured it out when we went to a jumping place last week and he hooked up with a kid about 6-7. They are willing to do whatever he wants. They are perfectly happy to follow him around and follow his lead. Plus, he likes to feel helpful and will teach them stuff.

Overall, I am glad my son is friendly. However, I am scared to death of him being taken advantage of because he doesn't see that others aren't honest in their words and deeds.

even though my daughter is only 4 and non verbal she is still very social, has no issues meeting new people. if someone new comes over she will approach them and look at them with the biggest smile and within minutes she's ready to leave with them. She hugs kids but unfortunately some kids just push her away which is heartbreaking to see

I am glad to see it isnt only my son! People think he cant possibly have autism/Aspergers becasue he is so social and friendly...but what they arent seeing is that he isnt picking up the cues or any cues, or knowing what is dangerous. My 3yo knows more about stranger danger then my 6yo!

When I walked in on my mother being abused by her boyfriend I quickly stopped trusting people like that. I was 6.

What you have described is the polar opposite of my daughter. I call her my Velcro child. She speaks to no one most of the time and will only speak when people she knows are the only ones present. I have never worried about her running off, she is stuck to me like Velcro! I don't know what to advise you, except to teach him "stranger danger".

It sounds like what you are talking about her is introversion/extroversion. Just as there can be introverted NT's and extroverted NT's there can be introverted AS and extroverted AS. My 11 y.o. DS with AS is also extroverted. He seeks out friends, social interactions, people to talk to. I can't begin to count how many strangers he has hugged while standing in line at the gas station/supermarket/bank etc. He will talk to anyone who will talk to him. When he was little, we would visit the nursing home, and he would find a lap to crawl in and just sit there letting them pet him (it would make them so happy). Now he still is outgoing, loves to be with other children, adults, anyone who will listen or play. Only, he has been rejected so many times, he assumes he will be rejected especially by anyone his own age, and will display a lot of anxiety and make negative comments. It is hard for many people to see the AS because he attempts the social interactions and makes good eye contact when he is not anxious. However, it is almost always awkward. He does best with children 2-3 years younger who look up to him, or 2-3 years older who figure he is just a little kid, and adults who will often patiently listen to his endless rambles about various topics.