Trying to Find Out What's Wrong......

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Hi, all, I'm new to the site. I'm married and have 3 children: my oldest is dyslexic and my youngest is ADHD with a very high IQ. My middle child is where my questions lie. He is 12 years old and we have been battling for years to find out what's wrong with him. For as long as I can remember, he has preferred to be alone, even as a baby, he would never cry, he'd just lie in his crib and make cooing sounds. He is very loving, he often hugs and kisses my husband and myself, often for no reason. He was in speech therapy from Kindergarten through 3rd grade. That's when we were told he had gotten as good as he was going to get. He often talks very low, monotone, and very fast. He will say inappropriate things, thinking he's being funny. He often can't tell if someone is playing with him or if they're being ugly. Because of that, his feelings get hurt easily. When that happens, he goes off and hides in his room and plays with his Hot Wheels cars. The same thing happens when our plans change. He hates it when plans change! He never yells, throws fits, or hits. He's the quietest, nicest child I know......especially for being 12. He had to repeat the 5th grade this year due to not passing the state standardized test. He steadily makes "B's" and "C's" in school, but that is with extra help. He is in mainstream classes, but when tests are occurring, he is placed in a different room so the noise of the other kids won't bother him. He can't concentrate if there's any sort of background noise.... Even if it's just the other kids shuffling papers around! He's been tested, through the school, for ADD, ADHD, & Dyslexia. They were all negative. What now? A lot of his symptoms sound like some of the Autisms, but I don't know where to start! Please help!

I live in a different country but we went and got a private diagnosis through a Roman Catholic charity (don't have much money here) which didn't cost too much. The doctor who did it is one of the recognised experts on autism in our city. This then paved the way for extra assistance at school and even a benefit while he is still at school!

Hi Riahlynn! Welcome to Wrong Planet! Check out the many interesting and helpful forums here. On the General Autism forum there is at least one post article with links to online tests. I recommend having your son take the tests. Make several printed copies of the results. Bring one copy to an evaluation by a psych doc with experience treating people on the Autism spectrum. Also bring along a list of traits you feel your son has, that don't seem to fall into normal behavior patterns.

Hope things go well. And remember, you are among friends here at WP!

Thank you so much for responding! I am so happy to have found this site. After reading some of the other posts, I no longer feel alone in this search. I, too, have a problem with family members thinking nothing is "different" with my middle child. "He's just shy," or "He's just immature for his age," are the comments I get. They aren't with him all the day like his teachers or all evening/weekends like my husband and I are. I'm very thankful that he doesn't have any disciplinary problems, though. I have enough of that with my youngest (ADHD plus very high IQ). My youngest is so bored in class that he continuously disrupts the class, talks back, etc! I've really considered home-schooling, but, to be truthful, I don't know that I would have the correct amount of patience!

My child is younger than yours so take that into account when you evaluate what I say.

"He's as good as he is going to get" is horsepucky. (Horsepucky does not, I hope, violate the TOS; If so I will change it.) Almost everyone evolves as they grow older, ASD people, NT people etc. There are still things that I learn, and I am well into adulthood. Does that mean that they pulled speech from your child?

I agree with others that you may have to go with a private diagnosis. Maybe your pediatrician can suggest low cost options in your area? It sounds like they are aware he needs modifications and accommodations and they are or were giving him speech. Are they doing that with no official educational diagnosis at all, or do they have him listed as having various separate "disorders" with no umbrella diagnosis?

LoL! I like "horsepucky"! We live in a very small Texas town, so the teachers who are teaching our children, well, some of them, we actually went to high school with! Every body knows every body in other words. The teachers had taken it upon themselves to call me in and ask permission to have my middle son tested for Dyslexia, since they knew his older brother had it. I appreciated their concern; I always thought my son was just REALLY SHY. When I sat in with the Special Education teacher, she explained to me many different disorders that he might have. Unfortunately, the school is not equipped to test all of them. She suggested that Speech Therapy and an Assisted Listening Device in the classroom would help him out with understanding what the teacher was saying and with others being able to understand him. He was taken out of Speech Therapy......I think at the end of 3rd grade. He's in 5th grade (for the second time) now. He will be going to Junior High in the Fall....which is the reason I'm really getting serious about HOW to go about getting a "real" diagnosis for him. In Elementary School, it's a little easier for the teachers to "cater" to him. I know in Junior High, the teachers expect the kids to be more self-reliant. I'm hoping I can find out what type of doctor I need to take him to, so that, hopefully, over the summer, we can have a plan in place for Junior High. We don't really have a family pediatrician.....I've been really lucky that my kids are very seldom sick, my middle one, especially. He has never had the flu, a stomach bug, an ear infection, tonsillitis, a cold, nothing! The only "illness" he ever has is allergies, but even that only lasts about 2 or 3 days, and then he's fine.

It sounds like they do things very informally. Also if they are not equipped to test all the things that the state of Texas says is a disability (that might apply to your son) that is a problem. Your district should have access to 3rd party (contract) folks who can come in to do testing, if they are not qualified to do it on their own. It makes me wonder if the testing that they did do was thorough enough.

I am going to refer you to Wrightslaw.com, which is a good source of legal/procedural info, though it is a bear to navigate because of all the info they have.

At the very least, I would first make contact with a "friendly" over at your school and say that you believe your child needs more formal testing because you are concerned about his progress and (anything else you want to add.)

If they say they don't have anyone there who is qualified, ask them to get your state educational department to refer them to qualified testers, near your area, because you really think it is important. If they resist, you may have to take another strategy, but I guess it is possible they do not know what resources they can access.