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Hi,

I live with my new husband and his adult brother (36), who was only diagnosed as an adult with high functioning aspergers 5 years ago.
He & I have a good relationship but him & his brother not so much. Since the diagnosis some things have gotten better, but we are having trouble getting him to join in any forums/groups/support networks for adults with aspergers. We really would like him to join in on something of these as he doesn't work nor has any friends.

I really would like him to come with me to see a psychologist who is fantastic in this area and who he has seen before & had positive results, as I know she can help him & I with strategies for opening up the lines of communication. The problem is he isn't motivated to do anything unless there is a financial benefit at the end of it for him.

Any suggestions on what we can do to help him?

Provide a financial benefit? Or, if he's living off of your family, have a family meeting or write a letter to let him know that you need him to take some first steps towards independence, and you think seeing this psychologist is a good start?

I should add, I am an adult with probable AS and my young son has AS, I have no experience dealing with your situation - but my thinking is that he's content with things the way they are, and why wouldn't he be?

Hi,

Thanks for the post. He gets a disability pension (which he resisted applying for but he is happy he gets it now) and we also provide financial support to him.

You are properly right that he is content with the way things are.

He is currently looking for a job & is working with someone which is a positive, and he says he wants to move out.

I am happy for him to live with us always but my main thing is that I live stuck between 2 brothers whom I love very much but they don't get along & I am concerned about bringing children into an environment with conflict.

I will try writing the letter to him and having a family meeting.

Thanks

Thanks!

I guess what strikes me is that there are 2 brothers and the problem most likely does not lie completely with one or the other. Would your husband be willing to seek some assistance in learning to deal with his brother's condition? Success for a person with an ASD is at least in part dependent upon understanding and support from those closest to them. For if your close friends and family can't understand you and make accommodations for you, you really have no safe place .