Frustrated NT OLder sibling needs some insight

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The fam and I planned on taking my Aspie brother to the movies to see Men In Black 3 and we ended up having to leave 10 minutes into the movie. He had originally wanted to see the new Madagascar movie but my mother told him no. The rest of us decided on Men in Black.


Anyway, the movie proved to be too scary, he started crying and overloading. My mother turned to me and I knew we had to leave....he was freaked out.....I felt sorry for him. No big deal......until we walk out the door and he immediatley changed to perky and happy. He said that he wanted to see madagascar........and it threw me off. What the hell?

I wondered if he was being a brat and behaving that way to get what he wanted or if it was truly an 'Overload.' Or is this a case of a lack of theory of mind?


Any insight would be appreciated.

I just want to have a better understanding of his behavior.

Sounds like difficulty coping with change to me. The abrupt shift in mood was because you'd returned to what was familiar to him.

An example of the same trait, in a lower-functioning kid:

I volunteered with an activity program for developmentally disabled kids. One girl there, who only came on swim days, was a 14 year old with cerebral palsy and autism, who was nonverbal and had extremely poor understanding of speech. She was also one of the most intolerant of change of anyone I've ever met.

We usually went to the women's change room to get her changed for the pool, but one time, I took her to the family change room instead. As soon as I started changing her, she freaked out - screaming, banging her head, hitting herself, biting me hard enough to bruise when I tried to stop her headbanging... a severe meltdown.

I got her changed as fast as possible, and we headed out to the pool. As soon as we were out of the change room, she was instantly calm - we'd gotten back to the routine. She was fine for the rest of the period (though I wasn't!).

He was perky and happy because he wasn't in the scary movie anymore. Life was good, all was well with the world.

It's a good bet that he wasn't doing it to mess with you.... he wasn't thinking about you at all while he was freaking out. That's the problem, and that's what set the rest of y'all off... y'all expect him to either go along with the group or petulantly go against it... to forget that the group even exists is something out of left field.

This is a very good point.

Even at age 49, I kind of like to see movies alone and then think about them alone afterwards. Sometimes it's fun to see a movie I've already seen before with someone else, that's kind of a lighter experience.

PS I AM NOT A PARENT. But I am someone who has lived life on the spectrum.

Part of it could be that the system is working, that the social group is working and it's apparent that people in the family care about his welfare, and that's heady stuff.

It's remotely possible, that having learned his power, he played the situation. I know when I was a boy, if things weren't going well, if the adults weren't keeping things organized kind of like they had told me they would, I would sometimes kind of bail and look for things to laugh at, rather in an attitude of, if can't beat them, join them. But, if you ask him if he was really overloaded, even in a gentle, open way, even prepared to graciously back off, it is fairly devasting if you're wrong.

Now, one thing you might be able to do as an older sibling, people in movies often act violent, mean, confrontation, etc, etc, when then don't really need to. You might be able to matter-of-factly coach and come up with examples of what characters could have done in a more positive way. Just don't overdo this part.

Thank you all for your insight, it helped me a lot.


Now I see that my brothers behavior had nothing to do with me....it was the environment around him.

My son, who's described by pretty much everybody as "high functioning" has the same issue at movies, and would bounce back with the same speed. Movies are particularly tough for a kid on the spectrum because they combine sensory overload with social expectations - AND my son can't "un-see" anything, so an image that scares him is something he might carry with him for life.

I'm not sure how this fits into the spectrum, but my son has serious trouble with "scary" situations in movies and on TV. While the scary images are an issue, it also has something to do with the mood music and lighting (we are successful sometimes if we give him noise-isolating earbuds, an ipod, and a baseball hat and hoodie so he can easily block out the screen) because he can sometimes read a book of the same scariness and not be bothered. I think it's maybe because he doesn't pick up the reassuring social cues in a scary movie (most times, people are in a group when they're scared.)

May I ask what the problem is with Madagascar?

That's kind of my situation, too. It makes me more effective as an artist, but I think less effective in a number of jobs.

One thing that sometimes helps is if a reasonable sane person talks about a movie scene: '[character] didn't need to do that . . . could have done . . . ' And again, without overdoing this part.

Good to know. We've been trying to talk through Dr. Who so he can watch it (interestingly, he has no problem with the cartoon version, even though it's pretty well indistinguishable from the live action) and do something like this - I think he'll have to develop a bit more before it actually works. What we do now (at home) is just stop the movie entirely for a bit until he's back to himself.

Not to hijack this thread further, but I just read this fascinating article on "scary" music: http://www.npr.org/blogs/health/2012/06 ... c=fb&cc=fp

Depending on the age and maturity level Madagascar may have been more appropriate. But no matter, I would advise though maybe when taking him to the movies don't take him to scary ones I can see how Men and Black could be scary for a little kid with autism or even an older kid with more severe autism and low maturity for instance.

And I am glad you've found answers you where looking for but I am kind of curious are you sure you guys where taking your brother to see Men in Black 3? or going to see Men and Black Three and could not leave him home alone so you had to take him?

My parents wanted to take the family out to see a movie that we could all agree on. My brother was outvoted so to speak.

I assumed that,'He's ten.....he can take seeing aliens. I saw the first movie at age 6....I was fine.' I was wrong.....my brother has the maturity of a toddler and I completely forgot. So, Madagascar would have been a better choice.


On the other hand, talking about what the characters could have done differently is a good idea. Thank you for that suggestion

On a more positive note, I can always see it with my friends on another day. Also, it was a learning experience.

Well, MIB3 is rated PG-13...some kids can probably handle it but not all. I saw the original Star Wars in theaters when I was little (yes, that's how old I am) and remember thinking a few scenes were scary, such as when Darth Vader walks in for the first time.