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AaronWeintraub
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11 Aug 2012, 8:58 pm

Hello!
I'm new to Wrong Planet. I write a blog about parenting children on the autism spectrum and I was recently asked to write something about preparing for back to school. I would love some feedback, and any tips of your own you might add. I will include them and credit you if it's okay.
Thanks in advance!



DannyRaede
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11 Aug 2012, 9:55 pm

Whats the link to your blog? I would love to read it. As far as preparing for back to school, I would say get your kids into a routine now, so that they do not feel overwhelmed when they start.



Eureka-C
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12 Aug 2012, 11:42 am

I looked at your post and wondered why only one person responded. I asked myself why I didn't respond. I looked at your website and the few posts you made. I thought, he is asking a good question and that is important information to have as a parent of a child on the spectrum. Also, we as parents have a lot to offer. So... why didn't I respond? For me, I wonder why you are here. Is it to get the advice that you ask or just to promote your book and website? It's okay to promote your book and website, but... For me, coming on here and finding other parents who finally get it has meant so much. It is very personal to me. I wonder what your investment is? Do you have a child on the spectrum? Do you care about someone on the spectrum? Are you on the spectrum? I know that these are personal questions and you really don't have to answer, I just wonder.

As for the new school year, that is a very tough time for us. My DS11 is going into 6th grade and last year was a nightmare to me. It ended up working out okay, not good, but okay and I am worried about this year. What do I do? Am I doing the right things. By talking to the teachers before he even gets in the classroom am I looking like a helicopter parent who is overly dramatic? It's not just his education, its his emotional/mental/social well-being at stake. He spends the majority of his day every day in that school, and it is where he develops so much of who he will be, how he will view others, and how he sees himself. I ask myself if I should take him out of there and homeschool him? I have so many doubts. So, when you ask, what I do... I don't know. I do the best I can and sometimes feel like I am hanging on by a thread. That's what I do.



AaronWeintraub
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13 Aug 2012, 6:27 am

Hello, I appreciate your concern about being spammed on this forum and want to assure you that I respect this very much as a resource. As a provider, my best resource is the storys and experiences of other parents. Learning from the experiences of families helps me to create the best opportunities for growth for the children and families I serve. Thank you for asking!

My blog is called Kids Cooperate, and I would love your feedback to enrich my posts. You will see that I often include the questions and experiences of the community of parents that I work with.



AaronWeintraub
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13 Aug 2012, 6:27 am

DannyRaede wrote:
Whats the link to your blog? I would love to read it. As far as preparing for back to school, I would say get your kids into a routine now, so that they do not feel overwhelmed when they start.


Thanks Danny! I included that tip!



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13 Aug 2012, 8:03 am

Eureka-C wrote:
As for the new school year, that is a very tough time for us. My DS11 is going into 6th grade and last year was a nightmare to me. It ended up working out okay, not good, but okay and I am worried about this year. What do I do? Am I doing the right things. By talking to the teachers before he even gets in the classroom am I looking like a helicopter parent who is overly dramatic? It's not just his education, its his emotional/mental/social well-being at stake. He spends the majority of his day every day in that school, and it is where he develops so much of who he will be, how he will view others, and how he sees himself. I ask myself if I should take him out of there and homeschool him? I have so many doubts. So, when you ask, what I do... I don't know. I do the best I can and sometimes feel like I am hanging on by a thread. That's what I do.

This sounds very much the same for us. I am trying to keep my own behavior in check so I don't look like a crazy over-bearing parent but that is hard. Advice like "start a routine" and "meet the teacher before school starts" sound like useless platitudes to me at this point. What I really need to know is how to get teachers and administrators to see my high-functioning child as a kid with a disability not a quirky kid who just needs the right "motivation".



DannyRaede
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13 Aug 2012, 10:24 am

Bombaloo, I totally agree with you. It was extremely aggrevating to me as the child when teachers didn't give me the support I need. One teacher in my junior year of HS took me aside and told me that If I continued to act the way I was, then I wouldn't do anything in life, because no one likes it when you ask questions a lot. And while she did have some merit, and I did need to change, she was a total A-hole about the way she handled it.

Just playing devils advocate for a second, how would the educational staff respond differently if they knew your child had a disability? Sometimes that can be more of a curse than a blessing, because then, at least for me, they start to treat them differently, in a bad way. The key is to get them to understand that there are certain areas of your kids life that are not as advanced as "normal". Such as coping skills, social skills, communication etc. If they work on those with him/her, without seeing him/her as "one of those kids with autism" then you have succeeded.

As far as seeing your kid for who he truly is and not just some quirky kid, try writing a letter or showing up in person, and rather than saying "My Kid has aspergers/autism and he needs more support!" Try pointing out specifically what he/she does that he needs support with. Get them to agree with you by asking, "Do you ever notice that sometimes he/she does x?"

Be on their side, and point of the specifics of what needs more attention, and they will be more inclined to listen to you, and help your child grow!



Bombaloo
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13 Aug 2012, 11:41 am

DannyRaede wrote:
Bombaloo, I totally agree with you. It was extremely aggrevating to me as the child when teachers didn't give me the support I need. One teacher in my junior year of HS took me aside and told me that If I continued to act the way I was, then I wouldn't do anything in life, because no one likes it when you ask questions a lot. And while she did have some merit, and I did need to change, she was a total A-hole about the way she handled it.

Just playing devils advocate for a second, how would the educational staff respond differently if they knew your child had a disability? Sometimes that can be more of a curse than a blessing, because then, at least for me, they start to treat them differently, in a bad way. The key is to get them to understand that there are certain areas of your kids life that are not as advanced as "normal". Such as coping skills, social skills, communication etc. If they work on those with him/her, without seeing him/her as "one of those kids with autism" then you have succeeded.

As far as seeing your kid for who he truly is and not just some quirky kid, try writing a letter or showing up in person, and rather than saying "My Kid has aspergers/autism and he needs more support!" Try pointing out specifically what he/she does that he needs support with. Get them to agree with you by asking, "Do you ever notice that sometimes he/she does x?"

Be on their side, and point of the specifics of what needs more attention, and they will be more inclined to listen to you, and help your child grow!

Believe you me, I show up in person, every.single.day. I guess what I mean by getting them to see my son as a kid with a disability is the same as what you said above about him not being as advanced as the other kids in things like coping, communication, etc. The thing I want them to understand is the difference between CAN'T and WON'T. Practically every strategy they have offered to date involves trying to motivate him to do the things they want him to do as if the problem is that he just WON'T do it until they find the right thing to motivate him. Educating them that the truth is that his skills in those areas are lagging behind his peers seems to be much of an uphill battle. I continually strive to maintain a positive relationship with school personnel because I REALLY don't want things to get adversarial. That line between effectively advocating for your child and being a b***h in the eyes of the school staff is very fine. Feels like I am going to be walking it for years though so I am hoping to avoid tromping all over it.



Eureka-C
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13 Aug 2012, 12:28 pm

Bambaloo,

I have found this analogy somewhat helpful to share with teachers, parents, family members to help them understand.

If you go to the grocery store at 2 in the afternoon and you see a 18 month old being fussy, crying, whining etc. What do you think? Do you think, "that child is being bad, they really need to behave in the store, that mom should be making them behave" or do you think "hmm... its 2 o'clock, I wonder if that child needs a nap, I bet they missed their nap. Poor mom, poor kid, hope he can get his nap soon." I see something similar in my son. When I see him getting fidgety, tapping his leg against his desk, making noises, demanding the teacher explain the same thing over and over, then I don't think "he needs to listen, he needs to be still" instead I think "he needs a break, something is overwhelming him. Either he is overstimulated by something sensory or he is obsessing on a negative thought." You can't ask the 18 month old in the store "Do you need a nap?" and expect him to say "why, yes, ma'am I think a nap would be the perfect solution to calm me down and make me not so whiny." In the same way, my son is often not aware that he needs a break (although we are working on this). You can't just ask him "Do you need a break?" and expect him to evaluate his emotional state and take a break. He needs to be told "you are doing A, B, and C so you need a break. Go take a break, please." If you wait too long to put the 18 month old down for a nap, the process is harder, and you don't blame him for crying and being negative. Then, please don't blame my son if you wait until he is fully agitated until you tell him to take a break and he responds negatively. If you watch for the signs, then catch him when he is just beginning, he is much more rational and likely to listen and follow through.



Bombaloo
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13 Aug 2012, 2:14 pm

Thanks Eureka-C! That is a very good analogy and one many of the school staff members I am currently working with can relate to as they either currently have young children or did at one time.



SHEILD
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13 Aug 2012, 8:13 pm

Expect stress to increase and perhaps stress-related ticks. A change in schedule -even to one more stable than the unbridled summer vacation time table -can be a shock to the system. For me the stress lasts up until late Nov. early Dec.

New school (or just starting 1st grade)?: Tour that building until you're sick of the sight of it. Tour until your kid can show you around. The more I familiarize myself with my setting the better.

Not so new?: Walk your rout/ drive your rout the week or so before as though you're going.

Parents should know the teacher beforehand -show me pictures so I recognise him/her. Perhaps make a book with your kids about 10 things they'd want a teacher to know about them (Emergency numbers, dietary needs, special interests or ticks and sensitivities). This way your son/daughter can start to learn about self advocacy and you can give it to staff as a quick introduction.

Have a plan -is there a place at the school for me to calm down if I get overwhelmed? Where can I go if I get scared? Can I bring something with me to hold onto in case I get nervous?

Be there for me. Understand that this first week or so is going to be a bumpy ride (I don't always land on my feet) -perhaps offer something I like -something to look forward to.

Hope this helps. (Wish me luck as I head back to school this fall)