Is my dad doing something wrong or right?

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abhma13
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11 Jul 2012, 4:14 am

I am Indian, I've lived in Bangkok for some time now. And for the past few months, me and my dad have repeatedly come into a lot of disagreements, and I've actually grown to resent him to a minimal extent. We both have fought quite a lot in the past 18 months.

Our major disagreement has been us over university. My dad wants that I study here, whereas I intend to go abroad for further education because I intend to start a new life because of the bullying, verbal abuse and mistreatment that I've had to contend with in Bangkok and most importantly that the standard of education in Thailand is rather poor and I feel that a poor education will not made me understand further in how the world works.

This 'disagreement' has lead on to a series of fights and arguments, with my dad always bringing the subject up whenever his friends come and visit to filibuster debate, telling his friends at work about this, and informing my school about the issue, telling me how I'm being "adamant", when this whole time, I am listening to him carefully and understanding his concerns, while at the same time presenting constructive opinions about why outside and not here. The discussions have been largely peaceful, and he seems to have understood, but with this continued cartoon, war-like aggression and adding fuel to an already-lit fire, It's looks like even I've failed to turn him to understand. Eventually, I took this issue to a counselor and he said that just ignore him and think he isn't there, and he's less likely to talk about it. I did so, and he stopped.

Have I done something wrong , or has he done something wrong, or were there faults on both sides?



Aharon
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11 Jul 2012, 4:45 am

Perhaps your father doesn't want you to leave because he will miss you. If he knows about the bullying, maybe he's concerned you'll suffer more away from home.


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MomofThree1975
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11 Jul 2012, 6:49 am

Also, the financial cost of being an internatinal student are much greater than going to a local college. Maybe your father does not have the money to send you away to college.



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11 Jul 2012, 12:08 pm

MomofThree1975 wrote:
Also, the financial cost of being an internatinal student are much greater than going to a local college. Maybe your father does not have the money to send you away to college.


ld think his dad would just tell him if this were the case.

My guess is that he will miss you, does not want you to go, but is too "macho" to say such a thing so instead he engages in these filibuster debates and arguements over it. Lots of men will never admit to missing a child, but they do.



thewhitrbbit
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11 Jul 2012, 1:41 pm

In my experience, bullying drops off rapidly after high school.



Ettina
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11 Jul 2012, 6:53 pm

You're an adult - while you can consider your father's opinion, it fundamentally up to you what you do with your life now.



momsparky
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11 Jul 2012, 10:06 pm

I think this is not an atypical reaction for a parent: we spend nearly twenty years making all kinds of decisions for our children based on our best judgement, and then suddenly we have to stop cold turkey. It's difficult.

Hard to say who is doing something wrong, but I don't think your disagreement has anything to do with autism or a social disconnect; it's a pretty typical type of disagreement that is a part of normal family development. As to how you resolve it - part of it is that you are becoming your own person, independent, and are making your own choices. Your father ultimately wants you to do that. Maybe approach the discussion that way.



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14 Jul 2012, 3:41 am

Why does your father want you to stay in Thailand?



ASDMommyASDKid
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14 Jul 2012, 8:48 pm

It might be financial. (You might not be able to get financial aid for international studies, so it won't cost him any extra, but you should look into it) Also he might worry about you being abroad, This is not unusual even for parents of NT children, but I would guess is even more likely with an AS child, depending on functioning of said child.