Please advice needed! First school camp!

Post Reply New Topic

My son has never been away from us during the night!! !! !!Not even at his grandparents!
So they are going on a schoolcamp in October for 3 days! And it will be all the grade 3 kids with only the 4-5 teachers! Almost 100 kids! They will be going to a game lodge kind of place, with rivers, absailing, building wooden stuff to go down the river, tree house klimbing...get the picture!?
Me and hubby thought we might also go and stay seperate...His teacher said yesterday the principle won't allow this at all!! !
So what worries me is that from the outside my son can look fine as if he is having a great time...but on the inside he could be very close to a panic attack...or feeling sensory very overwhelmed or frightend and alone....He easily falls victom to bullying and there has been problems with some of the boys in gr 3 that thinks its cool to play rough house!
I am worried about his meds? I am worried about his possible migrains and vomiting.....and of coarse the food! My son only eats sertain food...he will just not eat something else.....even under pressure?
He really wants to go and is looking forward to this!
We thought ok, maybe we must then just go and stay somewhere closer by, its almost 200 km from home, so he knows we can come and fetch him if needed?
Their principle is very horrible when it comes to making adjustments...She has this irritating attitude that says mommy you are being overprotective just leave him! And she doesnt have any insight in mental disabbilities....She has this attitude that in their perfect private school, kids must either fit in or leave!! !!
Any suggestions?

First, if you do let your kid go on this trip, do go and stay nearby. You don't need permission from anybody, including this principal, to stay at a motel/hotel/camp that is open to the general public. While they may not have accommodations for parents along with the kids at that camp, all you have to do is make a reservation at another nearby place, and pay your bill. This is your son's first trip away from the family. Also, he has spectrum issues, and may need to get away from the situation. He can't safely do that if you are far away.

The second thing you need to do is find another school. This principal is incompetent to handle kids with spectrum and other disorders. Some things can't be fixed by forcing, including spectrum problems. This nutty principal obviously believes you can fix things by forcing. That can only lead to problems and grief for kids like your son.

I am in my early 50s. When I was growing up, Autism and Asperger's spectrum disorders were not known, although they existed. We were diagnosed with emotional/behavior problems, and as being discipline problems. It was believed that we could be "fixed" by forcing on us various combinations of therapy and discipline. Autism spectrum disorders are neurological conditions present already at birth, and can't be fixed that way. Certain therapies may help us learn to cope better with our problems, and mild discipline may help some kids focus better on things, but nothing will make the condition go away.

The principal sets the tone for the school. You really need to find a better school for your son, or home school him.

I had a trip like that when I was in 6th grade and had a good time, however I think 3rd grade is too young for that sort of thing. Maybe I'm a stick in the mud but I wouldn't let my kid go even if he was NT. Especially if he's never spent the night away from home, I remember doing sleep overs at different relative's houses when I was younger, sometimes it went well and sometimes I had nervous breakdowns and had to be sent home up until I was about that age.

Edit: I'd find some other brag worthy fun alternative to do those 3 days.

Questor.....Luckily they get a new principal from grade 4-7!
Hopefully he will be more understanding!

I can understand why the principal doesn't want you staying with the group. There are a TON of liability issues. Even to work in a college, I have been run through so many criminal databases, finger printed, background checked. Can you imagine if some over zealous parent heard a 50 year old guy was staying at an overnight camp with young children?

Now I don't mean to say you would lay a finger wrong or anything like that; but the liability issue is there and remember the school is only thinking about liability and if they will be sued.

I think the idea of staying at a local motel is excellent. You can be close if needed and it might be a nice little vacation for you two if your not.

If there are medicines, then make sure the teacher is up on them, that is a reasonable expectation and maybe provide some basic information on his habits, etc. Unfortunately private schools do have a bit of an elitist attitude sometimes.

You mentioned grandparents. I think it would be a good idea to have your son do a few practice runs at grandparents to get used to the idea of being away from home.

Is the principal going to be one of the adults going? If she is going to dictate to you whether you can go or not, she should be going herself to insure the safety and well-being of all the kids. Do any of the adults that are going have any understanding of your son's issues? I don' think I would let my son go if there wasn't at least one adult there that I knew he could count on to be a safe haven for him. If one or more of the adults is wise to your kiddo's issues then maybe it could work with some careful pre-planning, having him check in with one of the teachers and a regular basis, making sure that teacher is aware of any particular kids your son has troubles with and have a plan in place for how he can deal with that, allowing him snack food if he is unable to eat what is being served, etc. If the school is really unwilling to make accomodations, then I would agree with Washi - take him on a trip yourselves to someplace really cool. This is jsut one of those situations that could go just fine if there were some understanding and flexibility from the adults involved however, the potential for total disaster is high if the adults just think that your son should suck it up and be a round peg like all the other kids.

In 5th grade, they have a one-day sleepover camp at our school. We spent a LOT of time preparing DS for it, we do a lot of camping on our own, so that part of it wasn't too unexpected for him, and he's spent the night with friends.

How long do you have to prepare? I'd agree, three days seems way too long for a large group of 3rd graders, let alone for a kid on the spectrum who's never been away from home. Does he have an IEP or an aide? You can call an IEP meeting and have accommodations specific to the camp (including you staying nearby and being allowed to get him if things go badly) written into it. If you really want him to go, I'd acclimate him to sleeping somewhere without you - have you ever spent the night with family or close friends somewhere? Can he do that with them on his own?

We decided to let DS go because I was pretty sure he could handle one night. It turns out that many, many kids we know who aren't even on the spectrum, have stayed home over the years. You might want to think about keeping him out if you think it's not going to go well - it is a great opportunity for socialization, since ALL the kids are at a disadvantage (this is what we found for DS; the playing field was a bit more level for him) BUT the other kids will habituate more quickly. I found that nobody really realized there were kids who stayed home, so the social consequences don't seem to be that great.

I think this is a lot to spring on a kid who hasn't had a chance to practice the necessary skills. If this is at the end of next year, you can practice sleep-overs and camping-type things separately and see how your child does, but if it's coming up quickly, I for one would opt out, especially if the school isn't on-board. Like Bombaloo said, if it's a round-peg situation - that's not about your kid's ability, it's about the school.

Thanx for all the ideas.....The camp is in 3 months time....He is starting hopefully with a new clinical psychologist soon, so maybe she can help prepair him?
The principal doesnt seem to go with, not sure!?
He loves his teacher who is going with....she is very strict and fair.....She said she will keep an eye on him, I trust her.....She herself has a daughter who suffers from migrain....and she said they had an Aspie on the camp the previous yr that did ok....I worry more for my sons anxiety and misreading situations.....but she has known my son the whole yr.....
I think I will say yes he can go.....and then closer to the date, I will re assess the situation....The payment has already been subtracted from the schoolfees since the beginning of the yr, so we dont need to pay now.
No in our country there is no such thing as IEP!! !! NOTHING.....they dont have any willingness for special accomodations!
I am starting to wrap my mind around this idea!

What country are you living in?

[quote="lovelyboy"I think I will say yes he can go.....and then closer to the date, I will re assess the situation....[/quote]

I would not set his expectation that he's going unless you are sure; otherwise you are setting yourself up for a week of meltdowns. Tell him that you're going to "practice" and see if he can manage overnights and new situations, and that you will be giving him the opportunity to let him build the skills he needs in order to do the camp - let him know it's a matter of building skills. Give him a date (close to the time of the camp) where you will make a decision. Work with your therapist to make concrete behavioral goals he can work towards.

Get your physician AND your therapist to sign a list of requirements for the school to follow: even if there isn't an IEP, going against medical advice has to be problematic for them. Have them explain how medicines are handled, and let them know that if you aren't satisfied, you will be showing up periodically to give your son medication yourself, again backed up with a note from your physician. If you get push-back, especially on the medication issue, seek legal counsel. No matter how the rules in your country work, I doubt they can go against direction from a physician.

Ettina....we stay in South Africa.....we dont even have goverment health care plans jet!
Momsparky......regarding docs signing stuff and legal power....They will fall back and say they are private school, not goverment...and will most propably then ask us to not let him go on the camp! My son said they said they will give the meds, but I will write an email requesting all these things to principal, so that I have some kind of proof....They make us sign those documents saying they dont take any responsibility should something out of their control happen to the kids....They only say they will care for them to the best of their abbilities. Thanx for the advice on not giving false hopes regarding going to the camp....the skill training sounds like a good opsion!

Having a private school is difficult, but it doesn't absolve them of responsibility.

Sounds like South Africa is moving forwards, I found these resources on the internet http://www.safmh.org.za/index.htm Maybe they can help you with the technicalities.

Best of luck.

I think your doing the right thing by letting him go. I am often of the mindset with these things, "damn the guns, full speed ahead."

Ok....this is where we stand!! !! ! My sons nephew slept over during Sarurday night......Then his other nephew and grandma came to visit yesterday....And they played alot of rough housing....that my son says he enjoyed! BUT all this made my son so anxious that he sucked and chewed his new shirt so badly that he bit of one of the buttons and tear the other part of the neck.....After they left his eyes were watery and he got that spaced out staring kind of look.....This just made me realize maybe he isnt ready for the whole camping thing yet.....Last night he told me he really doesnt want to go on this camp, he is afraid of all the other kids being around him. So we decided ok, then we will have a great outing as a family to his faviourite waterworld, warmbaths exct......NOW I feel guilty, because I questioned his abbility to cope with the situation! I hope I am not making a huge mistake by maybe letting my son be the only one not going!! !! Hope this willnot exclude him from others even more! He says its fine....it doesnt bother him.....its his life and has nothing to do with other people! Wow! Maybe deep down he feels relief? Maybe this whole thing was stressing him out even if he were looking forward to it....because since they were starting to prepair
the kids for this camp in school....he started chewing his hands and shirts again and
dissosiating at school again! Agh its so difficult to try and do the right thing.....he wants to
socialize, but the stress of it causes so much anxiety!! !!

I think both you and he need to accept that he may never be able to socialize the way most of the other kids do. My son is only 6 but I see his anxiety the way you describe your son's. I mean he can hold it together for a little while in certain situations but it takes so much out of him to do it and the backlash afterwards just isn't worth it. I am hopeful that as we keep working on it the anxiety might be mitigated somewhat but I don't particularly think it is ever going to go away. If your son is OK with not going on the campout, more power to him for admitting his true feelings. The ability to say how he feels will take him far.

These situations are so very hard on us parents: I know I agonized over the one-day camp for my son, who was two years older than yours. I was pretty sure he'd be able to do it, but he started saying he was scared the night before and I started second-guessing myself...but I knew it was OK, when he got up and got his bags and out of the house without a fuss the next morning. (No meltdowns, no stimming, just him saying he was scared to go.)

You have to go with your gut, and fly by the seat of your pants sometimes! Trust yourself - you know your son better than anybody and can watch the signs. Every one of these kids is a unique individual; they all have their own particular developmental map and they will follow it no matter what happens. Stimming, chewing, it's not for nothing: sometimes it's their only way to communicate to us.

Hugs!