Difficulty with school

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My 12 yr old daughter who has a DX of aspergers, ADHD and dyspraxia has been home from school since wednesday morning when they called and asked me to come collect her. She attends a mainstream school, but for the last month has been in a unit they have attached to it for kids at the risk of exclusion due to behavioural problems and such like. She had had another meltdown in there on the tuesday and I had taken her home then too when they called, as she had broken a door trying to escape the room and they had had to evacuate the other kids (it's a small unit of about 5). Due to her behaviour on the tues, they put her in 'room 1' on the weds morning, a punishment room they have for children who have caused difficulties. It just has cubbies in it for each child to sit and do their work at. But she kicked off because she was told that she couldn't do PE lessons (something she usually hates) because she was in there. And they had 3 members of staff trying to calm her down, eventually locking her in a room whilst waiting for me! Apparently the lead teacher who has been dealing with her was very upset by her behaviour and the things she was saying ie - she hated her, she wished she was dead, worst teacher ever etc, all the usual, nothing different to what I get at home when she's mid melt. So I took her home, and didn't hear from the school again until I called them on the friday to ask what was happening!

I was then asked to come in and attend a meeting with the headmaster, which I did, and took almost and hour and a half. The deputy head and head of senco were also there. They admitted that the school doesn't have the manpower to cope with her when she has a meltdown, 3 teachers to one pupil isn't feasible, which obv I completely understand, but they do want her to remain at the school. We are going through the statementing process at the moment with the LEA (we're in the UK), which if she gets one, will allocate her so many hours of TA support within lessons, and I believe the school gets funding for this, so should help on that score). They have agreed that staff need more training, as some are very old school in their handling of 'unruly kids'. They are looking for ideas on how to help her stay calm (good luck with that!) and understanding of why she says such hurtful things when so distressed. I have recommended that they stop changing her learning environment every 5 mins, having her in mainstream, unit, mainstream, unit, room 1, home etc just upsets her more, and as they have her on a report system, to stop bloody using it!! ! It runs on a scale from 1-10, 10 being the best score, and if she has difficulties in class she gets a lower score, which sets her off bigtime. She is constantly anxious about getting a perfect score, and cant understand why she doesn't get a 10. I have also asked them to let her have a quiet corner where she can go to calm down when getting over stimulated. She used to be able to go into the corridor to cal down, but certain teachers don't like her doing this as it disrupts their lesson.

So what I'm asking here is, doesn anyone have any other ideas I can present to the school? Any literature that will explain the verbal outbursts, the reaction to being touched when mid melt etc, and ideas for helping her remain as calm as possible. My worry is if this all fails they will try and have her put in to a special school, one which wont meet her needs academically. She is very bright, wants to be a scientist, and really wouldn't do well anywhere else I don;t think

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Women and cats rule the world, men and dogs should just relax and get used to the idea

I found this useful. It is written for teachers and schools

http://www.britesuccess.com/wp-content/ ... ntrums.pdf

here is an example of a behavior intervention plan to cope with meltdowns. It is created specifically for this child, so your child would need a plan tailored to your child's needs. A behavior intervention plan begins with someone doing a behavior analysis to see what your child's triggers (antecedents) are, how your child reacts (behaviors), and what your child gets from doing the behaviors (consequences - this is not the punishment, but the natural consequences that reward and continue the behavior).

http://www.venturacountyselpa.com/Porta ... %20BIP.pdf

Here is another one with helpful tips on what the adult in the situation should do

http://www.mindsandhearts.net/images/st ... ation_.pdf

This chart uses school language to explain the difference between a child who has an emotional control problem versus a child who is being deliberately oppositional. The column on the left applies to many children, not just aspies (so every statement may not be true for your child). The column on the right is typical of the scheming, manipulative, misbehaving child.

http://schoolpsychologistfiles.com/emdisability/


While my son is not violent or destructive, he is very disruptive when having a meltdown. He first becomes argumentative and demanding. This was the key that no one at the school seemed to really get. If he is getting this way, he is not being deliberately difficult, he is just trying to manage his rising anxiety by controlling the situation. If this stage is not handled well, then he would advance to crying very loudly, hiding under his desk, knocking his books on the floor, kicking the wall, throwing his pencil or book, knocking over his desk, or sitting in a ball on the floor, rocking and crying loudly (heard three or four rooms away) and refusing to move because "everyone is looking at me."

I also wanted to add that someone (or a book maybe?) once made the analogy, that if you promised me a million dollars to play basketball like Michael Jordan, I might have all the motivation, but no ability to do it. It wouldn't matter how much you punished me, I just wouldn't have the same skills.

My heart goes out to you, it sounds like you are dealing with some pretty clueless educators. The biggest red flag I see in your post is that they are taking the things she says in a meltdown personally. You can assure them that nothing she says is meant to hurt anyone. She is in absolute fight or flight mode in a meltdown and has little to no control over what she is doing. The second most alarming thing you mentioned is that they are punishing her for her meltdowns. No amount of punishment is going to prevent these occurrences. The only thing that is going to prevent meltdowns is for them to stop triggering her. As you said, she needs a schedule and for them to stick to it, she needs, as you said, a place to go to calm down. This need not disrupt anyone's lesson if the teacher can just be flexible enough to let her go there without making a big deal about it. I hear all the time concerns expressed like, "But the other kids all ask why Sara gets to go the the space place when none of the other kids get to do that." Education is NOT about treating every child exactly the same way. Equal does not mean the same. The other kids don't get to go to the space place because they don't NEED to go to the space place. The school personnel need to come to the understanding that making accommodations for a child with a disability is far different from placating a spoiled child. I would recommend Dr Ross Greene's book, Lost At School. Even though his experience is with schools in the US, the methodology he prescribes can be implemented in any environment. I am sure others here will have other suggestions for reading material too, that just happens to be my current favorite! Good luck!

Thank you both.

Eureka, I have printed out the cycle of tantrums and the managing an angry situation, and will be taking both of those in with us when I take her back to school tomorrow. Hopefully they will then read both of those excellent articles and be able to come up with some coping mechanisms for while she is at school.

Bombaloo, I agree with what you say re the punishments, and I tried to get that across to them. Harking back on to the things that have been said or done makes absolutely no difference to my daughter. Once they are done, she basically forgets about them, and being reminded of them just increases her anxiety level. One of my concerns is that if they keep sending her home, she is losing out on a huge amount of education, and that will just make her even more different from everyone else I will go and have a look for that book on Amazon, thank you

_________________
Women and cats rule the world, men and dogs should just relax and get used to the idea

What exactly is she getting upset about in the first place? While I did not have outbursts in school when I was a child, one thing I found stressful about the environment is that I didn't know what to expect.

There didn't seem to be a fixed amount of work, and when I finished one assignment, I never knew if I was going to be given another or allowed to rest until the next subject...whatever that was. I didn't know what we were going to be studying for the day until it was announced at the beginning of the lesson, and I didn't know when we were going to stop studying it.

This changed in college where I knew my course plan and was given a syllabus for the entire semester. Occasionally we would fall behind schedule but there was a very finite amount of work and no surprises.

Your daughter might just need a very structured, very predictable environment, where she knows how the day is going to go ahead of time.

Can she wear headphones, ear plugs or even earbuds (my son doesn't like looking 'different,' and we found that noise-isolating earbuds were socially acceptable to him.) That could be written into her plan, too.