Extended family... a new ring of hell

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Kinda need to vent.

Sometimes they can be helpful and all that stuff.

Then summer comes and you get to visit in person for extended periods of time.
They can't help it; they start acting like neurotypicals do when gathered in groups.

First it's nosey questions about the kids' personal lives (oddly they want to know next to nothing about their dx)
Maybe add getting the kids to do party tricks --to prove how autistic they are or something? WTF?

Next it's parenting them for you seeing as you don't know how to do it yourself...obviously.

Then, it dissolves into the same old wacked family dynamics that you (or your spouse) remember so fondly from your own childhood. (sarcasm)

The bonus? The kids come home overstimulated, and unable to sleep. When they finally do nod off, you're awake on the computer ranting to strangers who have more of a clue about what this feels like than anybody blood-related.

What a world...

I try to avoid most of them, as they're %#$* up. They make me feel normal in comparison

We are going to visit my family for a week later this summer. I plan on composing an email explaining some do's and don't's before we get there. For one, DS has been calling people names a lot lately whenever he gets angry. The problem is that when a 6 yo is really angry and calls you a "doorknob" it can actually be hilariously funny in a strange kinda way but the last thing I want is to have anyone laugh at him. That just feeds the fire in multiple ways. Also, most of my family members tend to tease a lot. This of course needs to be curtailed around DS - sometimes he gets it but mostly not.

Sorry you had such an exhausting experience. I think you are right to some degree - they can't help it unless they are willing to spend the time like we do learning as much as we can about ASDs. Hopefully you won't have to repeat that for a while!

Ugh. I hate dealing with most of them

My father in law is probably the easiest to get along with. He's appropriately helpful and keeps his opinions to himself.

My Dad is a weirdo. Honestly. He's in his own world, entirely and it's hard to have a conversation with him. However, he isn't mean at all.

My mother in law is a horrible person to deal with. I could go on and on but I will just say that she is mentally ill and thinks I am utterly evil. She thinks I'm literally out to get her, to poison the kids against her etc... she sends me horrible nasty emails and then asks to visit, lol. She also blames me for our daughters issues and gets really mad at my daughter when she does her things (stimming or repeating herself over and over) or ignores MIL or refuses to talk on the phone with MIL. Gets mad at DD and blames me, says I coach her to do these things. Shes completely off.

My brother and his wife are ahrd to deal with because they are very religious (muslim) and I'm an atheist. I actually ahve no issues at all with their religion, however apparently in islam there is no bigger sin than to be an atheist. So there is that. OTher wise his kids are loud and hard to handle.

My SIL... yeach. Barf. 'nuff said.

Most of my family are good.

Or so it seems.

Because I think what they are really good at is not telling me what they think of me and my parenting choices! LOL!

I mean, seriously, that is--in general--a good thing. But when it ends up not being so good is when you think everyone is on board and that everyone's got your back when, really, they have serious reservations.

I think that what makes it difficult is that my siblings all have quirky kids. There is only one who I suspect may actually be on the spectrum. So sometimes they think that their "quirky kid parenting" would work on my kids, if I only tried it. The thing that they fail to understand is that I have tried all this stuff. I've tried just about everything. And some of my kids issues just don't respond to typical parenting practices.

It just doesn't work.

Because my kids are one or two steps past quirky.

And I think it is hard for family to see that because they don't see them that often, and when they do, I am busting my butt to make sure everything goes smoothly, even if that means all my daughter eats for an entire week is chicken nuggets.

My dad's side of the family is the strange one in that nobody communicates, and they have to have a reason to get together, such as a major holiday. My grandma could die and I wouldn't be told until the funeral was held, that's how bad it was. She fell earlier this summer, and nobody bothered to let the rest of the family know until after she was released from the hospital after being there for observation. One of my uncles thought his wife's family was weird for going out for lunch or coffee just to be together, as that would be unheard of in this family.

The youngest uncle is bipolar, and since verbal abuse isn't considered a danger to others, and he's never been suicidal, there's no way he could be forced into treatment and taking his medication. He's never held a job as he was fired every time for trying to argue with the supervisor. My grandma even paid his rent for many years, and eventually decided he should be her live-in caregiver. If she didn't do that, he would have been homeless like many people who are mentally ill. After my grandpa died, most of us decided that we no longer wanted anything to do with that uncle, and it took me years before I would visit my grandma, and that's when the entire family is over as that uncle hides in his room the entire time. I have another uncle who is bipolar, but he has gotten treated for it, and was able to work at one job until he retired last year.

The thing is that I'm diagnosed with AS, yet my dad's side of the family makes me feel normal in comparison.