Telling him he has AS...help

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Hello All,

So it's time to tell my son what I've recenty gotten confirmed by our doctors. He has aspergers and learning disability.

The kids in school and summer camp used to be very forgiving and accepting but the last year has been difficult as they are starting to call him out on his social deficits. They can tell he is different and he has been bullied and has trouble making friends. He has learning problems and we are in public school but will begin attending a special ed classroom specializing in high functioning autistics and the like. I have high hopes...hopefully it will help him enjoy school for once and I like that he will meet other kids like him. We will also begin OT and social skills so I want him to know why we are doing that and that its a good thing.

Anyway, I feel he is reaching a point where he knows he is different and I want him to understand there a reason for that and it doesn't mean he is 'less than'. Ya know? Although I think his ability to understand and talk through it with me is maybe a bit limited. I don't want to get too deep, but I want him to know. Knowing helped me cope and I think it will do the same for him. Any advice? Success stories? My current plan is to talk with our therapist about it and maybe talk with him while on a visit with her.....

How old is he? I'd suggest something like "you know, your brain is very special. It makes some things harder, like social stuff and it causes problems with your senses, but it's also extra smart. When you find out what your special interest is, you can go really deep with it". I'd also suggest you'd try to help him find out what the biggest sensory problems for him are, as sensory issues are since most aspie meltdowns-shutdowns are caused by sensory issues.

Thanks. He is 8. I did read up on the Total Guide to Aspergers by Dr Tony Attwood and there was an exercise in there where you list his and other family members strengths and challenges and discuss that AS makes him special and good at those things and that the other things might be a little harder and we are going to work on ways to make them not so bothersome. That sounds good. I've got a couple of books suggestions that I will get too. I think that if I can find someone or a character that is and feels like he does that will help him.

with my daughter, I sat with her and asked her to come up with differences between each of the members of our family. Ie, her sister can sing, her dad can't lol. She has blue eyes, I have green etc that sort of thing, and then we moved on to how we are similar. And that then lead into a discussion about how everyone is different, has different strengths/weaknesses etc, and how one of her strengths was being so smart, and one of her weaknesses was having difficulty being around other people. We talked about how I have a name for my difficulties (fibromyalgia), and hers was called aspergers

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Women and cats rule the world, men and dogs should just relax and get used to the idea

There have been many threads on that here, check out the Parenting Index stickie at the top of this forum

http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt166142.html

This is a good thread on this topic

My daughter is not diagnosed but I'm pretty sure she is on the spectrum it's just taking forever to get her to specialists. She's been saying more and more recently how she is different to the other kids. At one point she was crying for over an hour whilst I rocked her, she just kept going on about how it's not fair why can't she be like the other kids and understand them and not have problems with sound etc.

I've told her many times why it's good to be different and pointed out the positive things she has /does...sure her hearing is sensitive but she can also hear small sounds the other kids don't some of which are really interesting. Or how she is so passionate about a specific topic but most kids like things but are not as interested wheras she's amazing because she knows EVERYTHING about her obsession. Just little things to make her feel good about her differences.

I was watching a documentary about autism one night when she came in and asked what I was watching so I told her and also confessed to her that it was something that mummy had(Asperger's). So she sat and watched it with me, then wanted to watch it again, then she quite calmy said to me "mummy do I have autism?". We talked for a while and she said she felt alot like the kids in the programme and what they said made sense to her and was alot like what happened with her. I was honest with her and just said I don't know, we have to see special doctors to find out if that's what it is.

I asked her how that would make her feel if that was what she had and she said happy because it explains everything and it all makes alot of sense to her.

Perhaps you could let your son watch the same documentary and see what he says, maybe it will strike a chord with him too.....


[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ejpWWP1HNGQ[/youtube]