How can I tell if my son has AS?

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My son is nearly 5, he's starting school in September. He hates being dirty, he throws tantrums over the smallest change and if things don't go the way he expected, he hates loud noises and puts his hands over his ears when people shout. Instead of engaging with other children, he stands and stares at them. He talks in a very high pitched tone and his voice goes higher when he reaches the end of a sentence. He's very clumsy and lacks coordination. These things, though I'm aware they could just be normal parts of being 5, really worry me sometimes. He plays well with his sister, he plays seemingly imaginatively, but I think he's actually just replaying things he's seen, and he gets very cross if you don't play his games his way. I've tried doing a few questionnaires, but they ask questions like "does your child make appropriate facial expressions?" an important question if you're trying to determine if someone has AS, but I have AS, and most the time I don't know if I'm using an appropriate facial expression, let alone him.

I don't really want to take him to the doctors unless it's really necessary, and I'm not sure I want him to have a formal diagnosis even, at his age I'm not sure a label would be good for him. But I'm having trouble deciding whether I should get him assessed or not.

Suggestions would be helpful, or experiences. Thanks.

It's very hard to say over the internet, though you do know that your chances are much increased if you have AS yourself.

I, personally, am a big fan of getting an appropriate diagnosis from a doctor that specializes in autism, because it's easier to figure out what you need to do if you know exactly what you're dealing with. Autism is a big word that means lots of different things - it's very helpful to have a professional break it down into the specific ways it affects your individual child, so you can go into school knowing exactly what to ask for.

From what you wrote, whatever is going on with your son, it seems like he could use some support; engaging with other kids can be important and expected at his age, and people are going to tolerate tantrums less and less the older he gets. I can understand why you're uncomfortable with such a small child getting a label - but if it buys him some time to develop at his own pace and relieves a bit of the judgement placed on him for not "acting his age," it might be something to consider.

Schools often do screenings as well as doctors, you might want to talk to the school about your concerns.

Well first off what you are describing with the 'temper tantrums' would be meltdowns from what you described. Autistic kids tend to get stuck on routines and so even small changes can be overwhelming for them which is hard for them to deal with so they meltdown over it...can look like a temper tantrum but chances are its a sign of actual distress and should be treated as such.

I hate loud noises and put my hands over my ears if people shout to.....why? quite simply because it freaking hurts and it startles me and I am 22. Best thing to do about that is not shout at him(dont know that you do) but if its other people shouting well then I guess let him cover his ears and maybe do your best to get him out of that area.

As for engaging with other children if he just watches them.....then that very well could be a sign he is not quite sure how to interact, and autistic people do have difficulties with that so it makes sense.

Also maybe he is just replaying things he's seen not sure if thats an autism thing though....and unless it distresses him I wouldn't worry, I mean as far as I can tell it would be impossible to make someone 'play creatively' if they prefer to play more realistic games. I know when I was a kid I leaned more towards re-enacting things I had seen....my sister who has no autism was better at coming up with more creative games I suppose.

So it is possible he has autism, the above statements really only apply if he does........but I cannot say for sure since all i know is what you've said in your thread.

The behaviors you mention do sound familiar. I too am of the mind that getting a diagnosis from a medico or through the school is a good idea. There is power in knowledge. As scary as labels sound, not having one when a child truly does have a condition like autism sounds like a recipe for disaster. As momsparky says, if he is autistic, his behavior is going to be different from his peers and that will be noticed. If he gets a proper diagnosis then there is a much stronger chance that he will get support and understanding. Without it he will likely be seen as a child who misbehaves willfully, can't make friends, etc. As he gets older and starts to recognize for himself how different he is from his peers a diagnosis may help him make more sense of those differences. Several adults with AS have posted on this forum about how difficult it was to grow up not understanding why they felt so different from their peers because they never received a diagnosis or their diagnosis was hidden from them. To me this seems like a grave injustice.