Not looking forward to school starting

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*Rant warning*
We have 3 weeks before school starts again and I am sooooo not looking forward to it. DS has gotten really comfortable at summer camp and things have been going relatively smoothly (well he called the teacher an a**hole the other day but that is the absolute worst things that has happened in weeks). Life at home has been quite pleasant with the 2 boys playing very nicely together almost all the time. I am afraid that is all going to go down the drain when school starts. I feel like I am going to puke every time I think about it. I don't think the school gets it at all. I have been trying to think positive thoughts about his teacher for next year. I do think she has a lot more skills than his K teacher had but I am afraid she still just doesn't get it. Like when I tell her that DS has extreme anxiety she says, "Oh yeah, my (totally NT) daughter is the same way". No, I don't think you understand what I am saying... I don't know what to do. Maybe the strides we've made this summer will carry over and things won't be as bad as I fear. Maybe his new found ability to verbally express how he is feeling will make it possible for him to communicate his needs better. Maybe?

Have you thought about writing a one-page "Dear Teacher" letter with tips and examples?

zette - yes I was thinking about writing a letter for all the teachers he will interact with, in addition to his classroom teacher, the music teacher, PE teacher, art teacher... I need to get my thoughts organized. Thanks for the reminder!

I think that's a great idea, too - but also, to reassure you a bit, we had a far, far better time in 1st grade than in kindergarten. In fact, the 1st grade teacher was the one who finally referred us for services.

Kindergarten is still usually play-based and has less structure than the older grades, and this makes kindergarten particularly difficult for kids on the spectrum. We had a far easier time in 1st and 2nd grades until the social stuff kicked in.

I'd also recommend going to your child's teacher or your school and asking for his daily and weekly schedule ahead of time, and see if you can put it in a visual format for your son. If you can get a list of classmates, as well, sometimes that's helpful, too. We also had written into DS's 504 and IEP that he got to meet his teachers and see his classroom ahead of time, usually the week before school started, maybe you can ask for this as well.

My son age 14yrs already telling me he is not returning to school same as you Bombaloo not looking forward to school starting.

In another week his anxiety levels and behavior will change, we have had a lot of success with his school but like you they think they understand but they don't. I always get this sure its a small problem trying to explain for someone with AS there is no such thing as a small problem is fruitless.

My son is doing state exams this year OMG I am going to be driven around the bend. We can only go through it with them one day at a time I have no answers either. Fingers cross we get more good days then bad. Good luck keep me posted if you learn of any ways to make thing easier and I will do the same. Annmaria

Thanks for the support and commiseration! momsparky, I am encouraged that 1st grade was better than K for you guys, I am hopeful that it will for us too. That's a good idea to get his schedule set up before hand. I think I might be able to get his classroom teacher and the spec ed teacher to get that going before school starts. We have the visual schedule from last year, several of the activities from that can carry forward and the OT said she would make new ones as he needs them so I guess I need to get a fire lit under the team members to get started on that part. Annamaria I can't imagine what it must be like knowing that you will have to major exams this year. I am glad they don't start doing the major state testing with our kids until 2nd grade. Anyway, this has gotten me in a more positive frame of mind. I think I'll start an email to the "team" requesting that we get some stuff in place now, ready for the 1st day.

Last edited by Bombaloo on 06 Aug 2012, 3:46 pm, edited 1 time in total.

School. I dread it every year. My daughteris 12 and I've suspected she had ASD for several years. She goes through all the usual ridicule that comes with her "weird" behavior. Cries almost every night . But here's the thing, she doesn't want anyone to know she is different, although to others it's obvious. So, since I can't tell the school about it, she's just out there on her own without any teachers help. It's heartbreaking and I can't stand sending her to school. She was just diagnosed, officially on Friday, with ASD and OCD, However I feel it's more obsessive than compulsive, but I'm not the doctor.

I'm dreading my 17yo going back. He's still in 9th grade. He can do the work but he won't, not even with the Vyvanse (he's ADHD, but his attitudes and things he's said lately make me think he may have a touch of AS) He constantly obsesses over what he feels is unfair and are sleights to him. He's always in trouble for mouthing off, and has been in a few fights but he didn't throw the first punch, ever. Teachers have told me that much. The only thing that makes me second guess myself about mentioning possible AS to his doctor is that he's got great social skills. He talked very late and was extremely trusting of people when he was young, but he's gotten over the trusting part. Although he does talk constantly, usually about negative things. I wanted to just pull him out and send him to GED classes but he wants to give it a try this year again and see how it goes.

My oldest son had trouble at your son's age as well. His kindergarden teacher advised me to keep him home for a year before starting first so he could mature a little more. That really helped. Do you think that could be an option for you?

And here I thought I was the only one.

OliveOilMom, I have seriously thought about keeping him home. The trouble is, at 6 yo, he has the social/emotional development of a 3 or 4 yo but academically he is about 8 or 9. Part of the struggle with K was that he was just so far ahead of the other students with the school work that he was really frustrated but no way is he ready to be moved up a grade because he just doesn't have the social/emotional skills yet. I wish we could stay at the school where he is doing summer camp! Unfortunately they only go through K and can't take older kids for the school year. One thing I didn't do last year that I think I will do more this year is just allow him to stay home when he is showing signs of being stressed out. I think I can arrange my schedule to work at home a few days a month and just allow him that breather. He wouldn't be missing much of anything anyway. Its going to be years before his peers catch up with him in academics. I wonder how many days we can miss and still have the school district allow him to pass, hmmmmm. Is that a cop out?

Check with your local school board. The No Child Left Behind Act, which sounds good, has enabled them to take parents to court, fine, and even jail them when kids miss more days than allowed. My daughter had a doctors letter because of her GI problems but they still took us to court and even had a bench trial. We won, but barely. Find out what you need in advance in the way of documentation from a professional. It's not really even up to the local school boards here now, the county takes you to court. My daughter was an honor roll student, never got in trouble, active in some extracirriculars, a teachers favorite, but we still got it. Luckily the judge knew us, as he knows everybody in town and knew she wasn't a trouble maker. That's about the only reason I didn't have to go to jail, because she had missed four more days than allowed and they only accept a doctors blanket letter at the beginning of the year, and only accept doctors office excuses three days after, which she had turned in but were lost in the office.

I checked out our school district website and he has to attend 720 hours in order to still be a full time student. Less than that and we would have to get approval from the superintendent. That still means he could miss one day a week and still be well within the 720 hours I think. I've got to make sure exactly how they account for the hours in each day (like does lunch count or not?). I'm starting to think I may be on to something here though it seems pretty obvious. If he only had to be at school 4 days a week and got 3 days off to recuperate, that might actually work. I feel like I have lost all ability to judge if I am being rational or not. Does it sound silly to plan from the get-go to just miss school once a week?

This is what the principal at our old school would tell me. Yeah, right....she just didn't get it at all.
I am looking forward to school starting and getting back to our routine here. Summer has been chaotic and I fear we have lost so much academic traction. My daughter hasn't read anything in weeks and I fear 4th grade is going to be difficult academically. It seems the gap continues to grow in what my daughter can do and what the peers can do with regard to "global" thinking. Drawing inferences, extrapolating, making predictions, etc. are not a strong suit.

But I think a letter to the teacher is the wrong way to go myself. I have done this in the past and it got me nowhere---with hindsight I feel it's best to go in with an open mind (granted they know of your son's differences) and address the issues as they come up instead of anticipating them. I try to go in with the most "we can do this!" attitude possible--not that I put my head in the sand but I wait to see what the dynamics will be. I find the teachers get stiff if you go in all mama bear-but if you tackle the issues as they arise they seem to respect that more. But that's just been my experience and I am not good with all that social niceties stuff...so maybe it's just me.

I guess for us we still have a lot of routine, DS does summer camp every day and I work full time. Summer camp has been so much easier as there are WAY less demands as far as participating in activities and stuff. If he doesn't want to sit in circle then the teacher doesn't make him sit in circle. She lets him sit at the table next to the circle and draw or play with the legos as long as he isn't bothering the other kids. Plus the teacher gets him and because there are only 10-12 kids instead of 18-20, its a lot easier if he isn't going with the flow for her to take a little extra time with him.

I'm trying not to be too mama bear but boy, we took the wait and see approach last year and that was a mess. The teacher is already a little stiff and I guess that's part of why I feel so panic stricken about the whole thing. Thanks for your POV Mama, its always good to come here and get different perspectives!

That's pretty scary that they do that now. If they did that when I was in school my mother would have surely ended up in jail. In seventh and eighth grade I missed over 100 days each year and I missed a lot in ninth grade too. I had to go to family court but I was the only one in trouble.

I'm new, so I'm not allowed to post links yet, but I just wrote a piece on some practical tips for back to school on my blog, Kids Cooperate.