We are making process but facing some new challenges

Post Reply New Topic

My 3 yo ASD son (who will be 4 in Jan) has finally started asking outright, "Daddy/Mommy/etc can you play with me, please?" It is music to my ear. He likes to play catch with the balls we bought all 3 kids. This is great for his speech and just being able to initiate a social request.

The new challenges is, he has picked up the gross habit of spitting when he is upset. He will spit if he is gets hurt. But he will also spit if he is angry. If you tell him not to spit, he will look directly at you and squeeze out whatever he can. I have made him wipe it up when he spits but he seems okay with the task. His spitting is clearly done on purpose (I told him not to spit one time and he walked over to the laundry basket and spat in it on the clean clothes). He does like to blow bubble with his spit so there is some enjoyment there for him. I just don't know how to stop him from doing the deliberate type of spitting.

The other thing he has started doing is screaming. This, I caused on myself. We were in the car in mixed company and he started screaming. Every time he did, I paid attention to him and redirected him in conversation. That original screaming was his messy way of joining in a load conversation. We got to a relative's house and there were other guests and he continued the behavior. Every time he did, I would talk to him again. Eventually, I realized that he wasn't distressed or anything like that so I decided to ignore his screaming. He would them come to me, look me in the eye and screamed. If I turned away, he would try too get my attention and scream. Sometimes, I get the feeling that me just hanging with him isn't enough. If feels like he tries to get a certain reaction from me. When we eventually got home, he did the same thing. I went to run errands the next day and DH told me that he didn't scream once. As soon as I walked in, he walked up to me and screamed. So now, when he screams, I tell him that I am going to scream too if he screams again, and that stops him for a little while. I know I encouraged this at first but I don't know how to change this behavior. I can't see how he could pick this habit up after one day and there are things that we are working on for months now that he wont pick up.

While I don't really have a specific strategy, it sounds like both of these things are a method of communicating with you - which is good, even if both things are annoying.

The trick now is to give him the appropriate response for the situation. Maybe a visual social story that shows him not to scream or spit, that those things make people sad or hurt, and what the appropriate way to express himself actually is. I know both these behaviors have popped up on this forum before; you aren't alone.

I found one here: http://www.positivelyautism.com/free/09social.html

Did a little bit of research on spitting but, really - a lot of the social stories were, well, kind of creepy. I saw one referenced that was unfortunately not shown, but I like the title and I think it gives you a jumping-off point "Spitting is for brushing your teeth."

Thanks momsparky I am going to look into those social stories. Do you happen to know if they have them in a book format. He is a funny mix. He can read beautifully aloud, but is all thumbs when it comes to communicating. He loves to read his books aloud. Do you know if they have any of these stories in hardcover books? Or if not these stories, any that you have found helpful. I think my son learns more when he reads things himself.

Most social stories are made by parents. One of the most important part of social stories is that they are individual to the child. So reading others social stories gives you a starting place to make a social story for your child. There are aps to make social stories. Some people just use ppt and print the slides, others type them up or handwrite them.

look up "how to write a social story" and there are lots of good formats to follow.

They don't have them in book format, but it's pretty easy for you to make one into a book yourself:

Here's a blogger's how-to: http://www.sharonscreativecorner.com/27 ... our-child/ Alternatively, you can just print it out on photo paper or draw it on 3 X 5 index cards and buy a cheap photo album (which means you can throw the pages away and make new ones as needed, too.)

If he needs it to be an ACTUAL book with paper pages, you can have those made at places that work with photographs, either online or directly in the store. Snapfish.com is one, but I know many drugstores that develop pictures will also do it, places like Kinko's Copies will do it...some office supply stores with printshops do it...see what kind of resources are available where you are.

I have to put it in a book format. Paper will be ripped apart or cut with a scissor. He is showing interest in learning to cut with a scissor so we are wildly encouraging him to cut copy paper. Plus, his little sister is has no idea what gentle mean so she will destroy anything that is not a hard book. We keep lot's of books in a bin where all the kids can easily reach them. The easy accessibility seems to also encourage reading since their books are also their toys.

I will meet with the school psychologist in 2 weeks. I am also going to let her know what I plan to do.

Do you think something like this will work? http://www.amazon.com/Babys-First-Photo ... B000Q7G3VM

You can put your own 4X6 cards into it, and it's pretty impervious to damage (maybe not a concerted effort with scissors, but teeth...)

Similar to what momsparky posted above - photo album - I found a bunch of these on sale at Target and grabbed them up. Again, not impervious to damage but likely to stand up to some wear and tear and really cheap. While it may work to create a social story and put it in the bin with the other books so that he can choose to read it if he wants, the idea behind them is to make a focused effort to review the story repeatedly on a regular basis until the child has caught on to the concept and/or they won't read it with you anymore in our case! What works for us is that I create the stories in PowerPoint and DS and I sit and read them from the laptop. This works for us because he is always glad to get to do anything with the computer. At school they have made stories and laminated the pages then punched holes in one corner of the pages and clipped them together with a ring. This works good too because you can add and subtract pages easily when you need to change the story up a little bit but can re-use parts of it. Our OT highly recommended incorporating pictures of DS not just relying on the generic picto characters all the time. He did seem to respond better when there were pictures of him and other people that he knew.

We had the spitting too, he mostly doesn't do it anymore but that just about got him kicked out of preschool when he spit on the director one day! We did a social story focused on how unsanitary it is. I think that helped some but I think he also just matured and learned other ways to express himself.

Thanks for all the information. I really appreciate it. I am also happy that your son was able to mature out of the spitting. My one year old had surgery on Wednesday so I haven't had a chance to do anything as yet. Out of desperation, I have been telling my son that he will have to go in timeout if he spits. Recently he has decided that time out is no fun so he tries to avoid it. If he is in the middle of spitting, he will literally suck it back in if I tell him that he will go in time out if he spits on the floor. He will also stop if I give him the "scary mommy" look. However, he will sometimes spit if I am too far away to get him. Is spitting more "poor impulse control" as oppose to him feeling a need to do it?

I know we went through a "slurping it back in" phase that I think was a combo of enjoying the sensory experience but primarily poor impulse control (we explained that was something to do in private. Haven't seen it for a few years.) In other words, could be either.

If it's a need, give him an outlet like going to the bathroom sink. We do this a lot for DS and find that if he has a way out, he can manage the behavior and frequently doesn't use the way out at all - but we will have zero success with addressing it until we give him a way out.

For us the spitting was very specifically his way of saying "I'm mad as hell and I'm not going to take it anymore!" At the same time we were working on spitting being gross and spreading germs, we were working with him on a 5 point scale to identify his feelings. So i guess as much as anything else that helped him stop spitting because he learned other ways to express his anger.

For us the spitting was very specifically his way of saying "I'm mad as hell and I'm not going to take it anymore!" At the same time we were working on spitting being gross and spreading germs, we were working with him on a 5 point scale to identify his feelings. So i guess as much as anything else that helped him stop spitting because he learned other ways to express his anger.

I think the 5 point scale sounds like a really good idea. I think some of my son's acting out behavior is b/c he is trying to express how angry he is, not just that he is angry.

Both my NT kids have liked to spit or drool on things and then draw designs from their drool. Woo hoo!

With one, I have had luck with letting him spit in the bathroom sink all he wants. I know he spits on our bathroom counter and draws in it sometimes, but he knows to wipe it up himself. I just see hints but he is doing pretty good.

With the other, she likes it, but also just does it when she is mad. I ignore it b/c I do know she knows better and I would like to de-escalate whatever is going on. I think she will quit as soon as she gets any kind of disapproval from anyone outside of family. She is that kind of kid.

So I have been trying a few things based off your suggestions and what I have realized is my son is not "logical". Meaning, he seems to spit for several very different reasons. He spits if he is angry, if he is hurt, if he wants to play (he will then tell me that I should tell him not to spit), he will also spit just for the sensation of spitting and of course, because he thinks it is soooo funny. Did I mention that he will spit to get me to make that look of disapproval on my face, since that is also funny.

He will happily spit in the toilet, sink, outside or even waste basket, when I tell him to. I even caught him trying to spit in the mouth wash (eeew). Yes, my little guy either has 20 reasons why he spits or he just does it because he wants to. Even when angry, he can slurp it back up (if I catch him fast enough) and he will wipe it up with his hands, feet, clothes and wipes, depending on how fast I can get to him.

Being that said, how common is all of this? He is 3 and will be 4 in a month.

Right - I don't know that this is out of this world for an NT 3-4 year old (it's your son's extraordinary dedication to it that strikes me as AS )

I think all you can do is make sure you are communicating the rules clearly, and using your normal set of corrections when he breaks them - so, a pictorial social story of some kind that says when spitting is and is not allowed, and what will happen if he doesn't follow the rules.