Cake Story Aggravating Me
02 Dec 2015, 8:15 am
There's a story circulating around the internet about a woman who went to the supermarket and asked for a personalized birthday cake. She received a cake with sloppy writing and messy squiggles around the edges. When she checked out, she was told by employees (who all gathered around, including a manager) that the person who made the cake has autism. She was not supposed to be decorating cakes, and they all thanked the woman for accepting the cake and not getting mad at her. The story includes a photo of the very childish-looking cake.
This story is really pizzing me off. It heavily implies that autism = intellectually disabled. I don't have any more information about the employee in the story, but I'm sure no Aspie adult (I assume HFA since she's verbal and employed) would dream of doing something like this. She must have some other disorder(s) as well, yet we're told that this is the result of autism. It makes me feel very embarrassed for my son and myself, and the entire autistic community.
Has anyone else seen this story? What do you think about it? How do we counter this kind of well-meaning misinformation?
(I'm posting this in Parents because I'm mainly interested in how things like this will affect my son's future, and I want to hear what other parents think)
02 Dec 2015, 1:30 pm
I saw the story and I understand what you're saying. I think the thing that is hard for the general public to understand is the whole idea of, "if you've met one person with autism.......you've met with one person with autism". The spectrum aspect of it where you can have college professors, engineers, etc., who are diagnosed alongside those who struggle significantly in daily life. I'm not sure how to combat the misperception that stories like this might create (ie that people with autism are intellectually disabled), other than if more people on the spectrum who are successful come forward and tell their stories. But it's such a personal decision whether to tell people. My daughter chooses not to share her diagnosis and I respect that. Anyway, I get where you're coming from Yippy Skippy, but don't have any great solutions.
02 Dec 2015, 3:11 pm
I have not seen this in the wild as I am not plugged into social media. Honestly, this sounds like a made-up thing designed to go viral that I guess is supposed to have a "feel-good" quality to it, that is supposed to inspire people to share it.
Notice the effort in the story was focused on praising the purchaser for putting up with the autistic person's output, as opposed to you know, fixing the cake before the customer showed up to pick the thing up. (It would not be a viral story, then) It is meant to make NTs who put up with people they feel superior to feel good, and maybe inspire (condescendingly) inspirational stuff from real people. (I don't really understand viral things, so just a guess)
I think some people like to bask in putting up with things from others to whom they feel superior and/or like to encourage others to do so and then think they are being great people.
02 Dec 2015, 4:47 pm
I kind of understand what you're saying…
First of all, can you explain this statement?
I'm reading that as this woman is an embarrassment to the autism community and I'm sincerely hoping that's not what you mean…
Annnnyway, one thing to note here is that if this woman is in fact intellectually disabled, she may not have received that as a diagnosis. When my eldest son was diagnosed, the doctor clearly stated that my son was severely mentally ret*d and unable to learn, but those were not what he was diagnosed with. My son is not diagnosed with MR. He is diagnosed with AUTISM. "Low functioning" autism means IQ below 70, i.e. intellectually disabled, so if the person has LFA, they are by default intellectually disabled, so they don't an extra diagnosis of ID. So when the store said she has autism, that's probably because that's her diagnosis. We can speculate about her IQ all day long, but if she's diagnosed with autism, then saying she has autism is accurate.
I'm not sure it's fair to assume she has ID in the first place though. The one time I tried to decorate a cake with writing, it honestly looked worse than that. I'm don't have ID. It's actually quite a hard thing to do. I think the real indication of "abnormality" here isn't her cake-decorating skills, but the fact that she went ahead and did it even though she wasn't authorized to. That to me, indicates social difficulty (and possibly ID). It is certainly possible that she was not HFA and still employed. There are programs aimed at getting disabled adults into work. I have a friend who has a son with limited verbal skills who has a job at a grocery store. That boy's diagnosis is autism, not ID, and we're not even sure he has ID.
I don't think this story on its own implies autism = ID. I think some people may infer that, but the story states that the woman has autism, which is probably accurate. At least, I don't see any reason to believe it's not. You counter this "misinformation" (which probably isn't misinformation, to be honest) by not being like that and also by not being an as*hole. The same way anyone counters false stereotypes about themselves.
That being said "not being like that" (my words) is very harsh. If you are correct that this woman has ID, then that should not, IMHO, be something we strive to not be like. She didn't do some horrible thing. She tried to decorate a cake for the lady, presumably trying to please her. She didn't do a very good job. Ok. But that isn't a terrible thing. It would be terrible if she had purposefully sabotaged the cake. It's not terrible that she tried unsuccessfully to help. The way you're saying "MY son and I aren't like that" and not wanting to be associated with her, is very typical for the way people view ID, but still sad. People with ID are not inferior humans. They offer different things to the world. I'm not just saying that. If you ever spend time with people that have ID, you will see that. If anyone is interested in a film which does a good job showing this (IMO), I recommend "Gabrielle". It's in French but you can get subtitles.
I disagree with ASDMommy's assessment of the situation too. The woman didn't want the cake like that, but she accepted it because it wasn't the end of the world. Well, a lot of people wouldn't. A lot of people would be like, "ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! I PAID $35 FOR THIS PIECE OF s**t. WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!" Anyone who has ever worked in customer service knows, people are ridiculous. I thought this *was* a nice story actually, because she very easily could have reacted like that (a lot of people would) but she didn't. I think the moral of the story is not about being superior to the woman who decorated the cake, but more just "you never know what the person you're talking to is dealing with". Maybe the cashier you have today is distracted because their son committed suicide. Maybe your server isn't very smiley because they got dental surgery yesterday and their mouth hurts. Maybe your cake decorator did a poor job because they have special needs. Etc.. I don't think it's about the woman's special needs at all - I think it's about not being an as*hole consumer. So your cake isn't perfect and your burger was slightly cold? Does that really warrant going batshit crazy on this person who is making minimum wage? I could be wrong, but that's how I read it.
_________________
Mum to two awesome kids on the spectrum (16 and 13 years old).
02 Dec 2015, 6:01 pm
Notice the effort in the story was focused on praising the purchaser for putting up with the autistic person's output, as opposed to you know, fixing the cake before the customer showed up to pick the thing up. (It would not be a viral story, then) It is meant to make NTs who put up with people they feel superior to feel good, and maybe inspire (condescendingly) inspirational stuff from real people. (I don't really understand viral things, so just a guess)
I think some people like to bask in putting up with things from others to whom they feel superior and/or like to encourage others to do so and then think they are being great people.
That was my first reaction too, including the moralising and patronising "feel-good" dimension: looook, the idiot thought they could make a cake just like a real person would and the nice lady is so generous and puts up with it.
YippySkippy, do you have a link? Is it explained why the woman decorated the cake if it wasn't her job, why didn't anybody fix or try to fix it before being picked up and how did the store justifies gathering a bunch of people to tell a sob story and guilt-trip the customer into accepting it? Surely this could have been handled in a more discreet and professional manner instead of turning it into a sideshow.
_________________
"Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored." Aldous Huxley
02 Dec 2015, 6:22 pm
First of all, can you explain this statement?
I'm reading that as this woman is an embarrassment to the autism community and I'm sincerely hoping that's not what you mean…
Annnnyway, one thing to note here is that if this woman is in fact intellectually disabled, she may not have received that as a diagnosis. When my eldest son was diagnosed, the doctor clearly stated that my son was severely mentally ret*d and unable to learn, but those were not what he was diagnosed with. My son is not diagnosed with MR. He is diagnosed with AUTISM. "Low functioning" autism means IQ below 70, i.e. intellectually disabled, so if the person has LFA, they are by default intellectually disabled, so they don't an extra diagnosis of ID. So when the store said she has autism, that's probably because that's her diagnosis. We can speculate about her IQ all day long, but if she's diagnosed with autism, then saying she has autism is accurate.
I'm not sure it's fair to assume she has ID in the first place though. The one time I tried to decorate a cake with writing, it honestly looked worse than that. I'm don't have ID. It's actually quite a hard thing to do. I think the real indication of "abnormality" here isn't her cake-decorating skills, but the fact that she went ahead and did it even though she wasn't authorized to. That to me, indicates social difficulty (and possibly ID). It is certainly possible that she was not HFA and still employed. There are programs aimed at getting disabled adults into work. I have a friend who has a son with limited verbal skills who has a job at a grocery store. That boy's diagnosis is autism, not ID, and we're not even sure he has ID.
I don't think this story on its own implies autism = ID. I think some people may infer that, but the story states that the woman has autism, which is probably accurate. At least, I don't see any reason to believe it's not. You counter this "misinformation" (which probably isn't misinformation, to be honest) by not being like that and also by not being an as*hole. The same way anyone counters false stereotypes about themselves.
That being said "not being like that" (my words) is very harsh. If you are correct that this woman has ID, then that should not, IMHO, be something we strive to not be like. She didn't do some horrible thing. She tried to decorate a cake for the lady, presumably trying to please her. She didn't do a very good job. Ok. But that isn't a terrible thing. It would be terrible if she had purposefully sabotaged the cake. It's not terrible that she tried unsuccessfully to help. The way you're saying "MY son and I aren't like that" and not wanting to be associated with her, is very typical for the way people view ID, but still sad. People with ID are not inferior humans. They offer different things to the world. I'm not just saying that. If you ever spend time with people that have ID, you will see that. If anyone is interested in a film which does a good job showing this (IMO), I recommend "Gabrielle". It's in French but you can get subtitles.
I disagree with ASDMommy's assessment of the situation too. The woman didn't want the cake like that, but she accepted it because it wasn't the end of the world. Well, a lot of people wouldn't. A lot of people would be like, "ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! I PAID $35 FOR THIS PIECE OF s**t. WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!" Anyone who has ever worked in customer service knows, people are ridiculous. I thought this *was* a nice story actually, because she very easily could have reacted like that (a lot of people would) but she didn't. I think the moral of the story is not about being superior to the woman who decorated the cake, but more just "you never know what the person you're talking to is dealing with". Maybe the cashier you have today is distracted because their son committed suicide. Maybe your server isn't very smiley because they got dental surgery yesterday and their mouth hurts. Maybe your cake decorator did a poor job because they have special needs. Etc.. I don't think it's about the woman's special needs at all - I think it's about not being an as*hole consumer. So your cake isn't perfect and your burger was slightly cold? Does that really warrant going batshit crazy on this person who is making minimum wage? I could be wrong, but that's how I read it.
*Clap**Clap**Clap**Clap**Clap**Clap**Clap**Clap**Clap*.
This.
My son has a diagnosis of AUTISM, not intellectual disability. My son is no Aspie but he's still an autistic individual. The important thing to remember is that autism is a spectrum disorder. Just because people with LFA aren't anything like people with HFA does not mean that people with LFA aren't "autistic" or should get some other label.
To me, an individual with HFA saying that they aren't "anything like" an individual with LFA and that the "cake story" embarrasses them and the "entire autistic community", implies that you don't consider that LFA is autism at all.
How do you presume to know what the "entire autistic community" thinks and feels about this story ? The "entire autistic community" includes people with LFA, also. Aspies don't corner the market on "autism". It's a spectrum.
Also, I just want to let you know that it's a MYTH that only verbal HFAs are able to have a job ! First of all, how do you know that this employee is verbal ? I don't see that information being made available in any of the news reports about this incident. Secondly, *most* districts have vocational training programmes for even those considered "severely autistic" and many of these so-called "lower functioning" individuals do end up holding down jobs and make a living. A good friend's son - who is technically considered LFA - works as a mail room clerk for the USPS and has been employed there since being placed there when he was in high school. He cannot talk, he needs to be dropped off and picked up, and his supervisor needs to check on him every hour, BUT he's working and making a living. I am very proud of that kid, and he gives me a lot of hope for my own son.
When we recently attempted an international relocation, I toured a local Waldorf school for autistic children. At the high school level, every kid - regardless of "functioning labels" - was trained in the "trades". And you know what ? The kids who couldn't speak a word expressed themselves with beautiful woodwork carvings ! The students trained as electricians, carpenters, mechanics, gardeners and landscapers, and grocery store clerks. Heart-warming, to say the least. Not to mention that it teared me up quite a bit thinking of the limitless potential of even people considered to be "severely disabled".
Autism - 'tis a spectrum.
_________________
O villain, villain, smiling, damnèd villain!
My tables—meet it is I set it down
That one may smile, and smile, and be a villain.
At least I'm sure it may be so in "Denmark".
-- Hamlet, 1.5.113-116
Last edited by HisMom on 02 Dec 2015, 6:35 pm, edited 4 times in total.
02 Dec 2015, 6:24 pm
The "idiot" and "like a real person" ? Are you saying that this autistic employee is not a "real person" ?
Nice ! !
_________________
O villain, villain, smiling, damnèd villain!
My tables—meet it is I set it down
That one may smile, and smile, and be a villain.
At least I'm sure it may be so in "Denmark".
-- Hamlet, 1.5.113-116
Last edited by HisMom on 02 Dec 2015, 6:33 pm, edited 1 time in total.
02 Dec 2015, 6:33 pm
The idiot and "like a real person" ? Are you saying that this autistic employee is not a "real person" ?
Nice ! !
Sarcasm - this is how the story comes across to me. Because the woman is autistic she is assumed to be an "idiot" and treated in a condescending manner because she's trying to act "as if she's a real person". Some people treat children exactly like this too, like they're morons and not entirely human.
Disclaimer: I don't think the autistic woman, even if she has MR is an idiot or less of a person. It's my view that the STORY implies it in a exploitative and patronising way.
_________________
"Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored." Aldous Huxley
02 Dec 2015, 8:46 pm
I don't think she has ID because of the cake's appearance. I think she has ID because she thought the cake was suitable to sell to someone.
That she went ahead and did it indicates autism, to me. That she didn't realize it wasn't up to snuff after she did it indicates ID.
02 Dec 2015, 8:50 pm
Okay, I'm embarrassed for people with HFA. People with LFA can continue to be patronized and made into internet spectacles. Feel better?
02 Dec 2015, 9:23 pm
(Moderating)
Can we try to address this sensitive topic without personalizing and fostering conflict among ourselves?
It is possible to acknowledge both perspectives without demonizing or censoring the other.
It may be true that some of the reaction to this story is patronizing and it may also be true that being OK with the cake and happy for the employee was heartwarming.
It would be great if the discussion could continue without the rancor.
I am responding to this thread because it has been reported. If the sniping continues, it will be locked.
02 Dec 2015, 10:13 pm
Okay, I'm embarrassed for people with HFA. People with LFA can continue to be patronized and made into internet spectacles. Feel better?
How do you know that she has LFA ?
How do you know anything about this person's functioning levels ? I ask because I have not read anywhere about the employee's language abilities or IQ level or functional skills. All we know is that a badly decorated cake was sold to a customer who - seemingly in good sport - accepted it when told that it was the work of an individual with autism. That's all I am able to find. It appears that most of what you claim in your OP - such as only Aspies can be employed, only high functioning individuals can speak and that Apsies are incapable of such errors - are merely YOUR assumptions.
I merely explained that LFAs - including those that are unable to speak - can and do work, and are fully capable (if given proper supports) of earning a living. I also don't find anything condescending about this story at all. The way I interpreted it, the girl decorated a cake that she wasn't supposed to (autism there) and did not seem to realize that a customer could find it very badly done (theory of mind - also an autism "thing"). The girl may have not even realized that someone taking her cake home is actually an act of great patronization (theory of mind, again).
Finally, this could just be another urban myth or a prank or the girl could just be a big sport. I don't know. Do you ?
_________________
O villain, villain, smiling, damnèd villain!
My tables—meet it is I set it down
That one may smile, and smile, and be a villain.
At least I'm sure it may be so in "Denmark".
-- Hamlet, 1.5.113-116
Last edited by HisMom on 02 Dec 2015, 10:41 pm, edited 2 times in total.
02 Dec 2015, 10:35 pm
I'm curious as to why these comments are focusing on the employee? Their full diagnosis is irrelevant outside of a round or two of oppression Olympics.
They decorated the cake outside of their job limitations, for whatever reason.
The customer then had a choice, to accept it or not.
Likewise, the manager had a choice; to apologize, and maybe compensate, or offer a replacement.
Instead the whole thing became a bit of a self-aggrandizing farce of impolite behavior on an electronically global scale.
_________________
“For small creatures such as we the vastness is bearable only through love.”
―Carl Sagan
02 Dec 2015, 11:50 pm
Originally, when I half read the story, I thought the picture was from cakewrecks.com. The lettering looked like a 5 year old did it, but HFAs also have issues with fine motor skills, and I didn't think "low" when I saw the lettering. I just thought what other idiot employee egged this person on.
I could see someone working the back room of the bakery at that store. (I shop there often) with LFA. There is plenty to do for baking cakes, breads whatever. The person maybe only doing clean up work on the machines.
It was nice the women didn't raise hell about the cake. I have a hard time believing this particular employee got a wild hair up her tush, and took matters into her own hands. It's obvious she's not skilled at decorating, and I wonder who in the back said, "Go ahead, knock yourself out."
I think it says more about a mom not raising hell about a perfect moment (Birthday) being ruined with a not so stellar cake, than an employee with Autism.
I am thrilled the woman has a job and can work in that area. The bakery can be pretty chaotic.
03 Dec 2015, 6:56 am
I also find it a bit aggravating of a story. As far as I'm aware, it is possible to have artistic abilities if you are neurotypical, if you are HFA, and if you are LFA; so implying otherwise is irritating, though I think the story was meant to make people feel good, but about accepting something as done and hopeless......the woman picking up the cake should not have had to have a tantrum for someone to take the cake in back and redo it a bit. It sounds like a big place.....
a really feel good story for me would have been if someone else (maybe with autism, too?) had been available in the store and been given some decorative frosting and done the decorating over....making it into something beautiful.....
Sometimes I like fairy tales.
03 Dec 2015, 12:23 pm
I tried to enter something longer but the Captcha thing ate it.
I hope I did not cause offense. It just sounds like the kind of "heart-warming" story that would be listed in the False section of Snopes. It fits a pattern. My cake writing is horrendous, and I use the candy letters whenever the birthday boy lets me, when I make birthday cakes. I am not judging anyone for poor writing on cakes or anything else.
I just don't think a business would behave that way just to congratulate a customer for accepting an unprofessionally executed cake decoration. Autistic employee or not, I just don't buy it. It sounds fake, although obviously I can be wrong.
I have worked summer retail gigs while in college and was frequently temporarily reassigned and told to "help" people in departments I knew nothing about -- and certainly less than regular customers would know. So it is possible (if the story is true) that the employee could have been told by a supervisor to give it a whirl, or the person decided on her own. Either way, if a professional were there to decorate it, a professional would have done it (or fixed it later) There would have been no reason for the gathering at the check-out. It makes no intuitive sense to me.
At any rate, I apologize if I have offended anyone. It just sounds like nonsense to me.
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