4 1/2 year old anger

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My son over the last month has seemed to get easily angered, especially when redirected or told to get his PJ's on, clean up, etc. He is hard to de-esecalate someimes and I would like to try and get a handle on this before he gets older and/or is in full time kindergarten next year.

Any suggestions?

We went through the same thing with my son. We found that most of the anger, as with your son, was during transitions, redirections etc. We provided warnings for him by warnings I mean timeline not punishment. For eg. "First we put on PJs AND THEN we'll watch a show" "Now we'll watch the show AND THEN it's time for bed" during the show we'd let him know roughly how much time he had left so it was never an abrupt ending. He really has no concept of time but the warnings help none the less. Also we use many picture schedules in our house.This way Ryan can see for himself what is happening next and the anxiety is not there. If you want some resources for the picture schedules let me know. Hope this helps.

He actually got a picture scheduler for Christmas that we haven't set up yet.

I can't believe I forgot about that. I will get that set up for him tonight.

Thank you!! !

We did the same when my son was that age (he's 8 now). Lots of visuals. We also had a lot of success with "First/Then" boards. One the left side of the paper is "First", draw a line down the middle of the page and then put "Then" on the right hand side. Laminate it and put a velcro piece on each side. Then you can make pictures of activites he does, laminate, and put the other half of the velcro on the back of the picture squares and use them as you need them. Ex: First Snack, Then Brush teeth. First dinner, Then TV time. etc. That way he has clear direction of what is expected of him and it breaks it down into two easy steps. I also find that if he has to transistion out of something he enjoys, the following thing he has to do better be appealing. My son hates running errands but he loves music. So if he's playing his Game Cube (his favourite activity) and he's been given a 5 min warning to turn it off because we have to leave to run errands, I tell him he can choose a CD to listen to in the car while we drive between stores and bring his iPod to listen to while we're shopping (he gets really stressed out by all the stimuli in the stores) and it rarely leads to a meltdown.

Good luck! I've found that has he got older, it got easier because he could dialogue better. Hang in there.

I'm going to second, third, whatever the suggestion for warning about transitions. I've always done that with my son (5) because I figure it helps with all small children. He's very used to it and is generally very good about it. So in the mornings before school, he knows that once he's done everything he needs to except put on his shoes and jacket, he can watch tv. He also knows that every single morning we need to leave for the bus before Magic School Bus is over. He always gets a warning about how much time he has. He also knows, because I told him at the beginning of the year when he asked to watch tv before leaving, that if he's difficult about turning off the tv even though the show isn't over, I'll solve the problem by not allowing tv in the morning before school. So, lots of advance warning about transitions AND consequences for poor behavior that I know he can control.

Also, while it sounds like transitions are the trigger for your son, I know that my son and most kids I know this age (AS or NT) have a much tougher time holding it together when they're overtired or hungry. Stuff that my son with breeze through without a problem most of the time can become insurmountable for him when he's tired. Maybe think about those issues, too?

I would definitely go with a schedule and also you could try some sort of reward system for when he does cooperate with whatever activity and don't forget to give him early notice for whatever you are wanting him to do, for example, tell him 10 more minutes until clean up time, then 5 and then 1 etc.

Oops yeah failed to mention that. Reinforcement is huge. Eventually the following activity in itself will be the reinforcer but for the beginning some positive encouragement or a piece of candy for "good waiting" etc. Will help encourage him! (By the way, I've been studying behvaiour therapy and autism intervention for almost three years. If any of you have questions, I'd be happy to help). I will say however, that I'm not sure what my opinion is towards ABA it's definately not for all especially high functioning children but certain elements are well worth trying.

Thanks for the ideas. We are going to get these going!

He is not very good at putting things together and rarely tries but last night he made a very valiant effort at putting together this marble drop thing (I have no idea what it is really called) where you stack tubes, loops, and other items for the marbles to roll down from the top. I felt bad because he asked for help at 10:00pm(bedtime is 8:30 but he usually stays up) and I didn't help him but he had really tried hard to do it.

I went ahead and put together for him while he was asleep so he could play when he woke up.

And I hope you praised him for the effort.
btdt

Hi there... we have a 5 1/2yr old with anger issues too. We struggle with getting him to understand that we have the authority in the house as well. We started working with a behavior therapist in the last month, and although it has been very hard, I really think we are making some great progress. We basically have been ignoring any negative behavior (unless he's banging his head, ect...), and going over the top with praise for positive behavior. He's starting to realize that we will not respond to his anger, and he doesn't get anything from it. It sure beats trying to reason with a 5 year old! He is rewarded with a token of some sort for positive behavior as well, and then he can "buy" things with his tokens that he earns. We still have temper tantrums, but they are ending much faster now. We haven't worked out how to use this plan when he's in school yet (cannot really ignor some of the behaviors there), and it's also very hard if there is another child in the picture. Maybe this will help.