wrongmom wrote:
Hello all. I’m a single mom hoping to get some advice on how to help my 22-yr old son who I believe suffers from Aspergers and several other mental issues. Although, he has not been professionally diagnosed, he has all the classic signs. He feels strongly that he has Aspergers. This is all very new to us as we’ve only just discovered this in the past few months. I never knew what Aspergers was and no one’s ever suggested he might suffer from autism. We have history of mental illness in our family so I always just thought he suffered from some anxiety and depression and would get over it. I now realize the severity of his disabilities but I'm at a complete loss on how to help my son because he refuses to seek counseling or get any professional help.
My son is extremely intelligent but he dropped out of high school at 16. He did get his equivalency certificate. Now, he refuses to go to college, trade school or even take any online classes. He refuses to look for a job because he doesn't like to deal with the public. Plus, he thinks no one will even consider hiring him because he also happens to have severe dental problems, including broken front teeth. We do not have the money to fix all his dental problems. I've tried to do what I can over the years but my insurance only goes so far. My current dental insurance has told me my son's broken front teeth are cosmetic issues and not covered under our plan. My son now has this notion that it would be better to have all his teeth pulled out and replaced, which is an even costlier procedure. He’s absolutely convinced fixing his teeth is the only solution and refuses to do anything until this is done. My son sits at home all day, watching sports on TV, playing video games and surfing the internet for hours. He’s obsessive about sports. When a team he likes loses, he freaks out, he’s enraged and depressed for hours and days, sometimes he’s even destructive. He has no friends anymore and it's getting harder to get him to leave the house to do anything social, like go to the movies or out to eat. It’s breaking my heart to watch him go through this.
I will admit that I have little patience and understanding what Aspergers is and how to handle it. Apparently, I'm a yeller and I show anger and frustration easily. To me, if there's a problem, you fix it. You keep coming up with solutions until you find the right one that works. Do things in steps and build towards solving issues if that's what it takes, but for my son, it's all or nothing. He seems to blame me for everything. I'm a bad mom. I'm a neglectful mom. He says I was emotionally abusive towards him. It's my fault he's like this. It's my fault he has dental problems. It's my fault he's alive at all. This morning he brought up suicide, saying he should just kill himself because there are no solutions to his problems. I'm exasperated! I see all kinds of solutions, starting with going to get professional help! I don't know what else to do. I don't know how to convince him to get help. I’ve let this go for far too long. Everyone I talk to tells me the same thing, get him into counseling. How?? I need advice please.
He is obviously very self conscious about his teeth, which is understandable. I suggest you take him for a consultation at a dental school if you're near one. They are usually more affordable than private practice dentists and will inform you of different options and their cost. In some instances they can temporarily patch up cosmetic issues until the person can afford a more permanent fix.
To obtain the means to fix his teeth, he is likely going to have to work. If you are supporting him, then that will enable him to save the money he earns for his teeth. If he does not want to work with people, then there are a few jobs which might be viable for him.
1. Stock team member.
These jobs are usually at odd hours and usually pay between federal minimum wage, and $10 per hour depending. Interaction with people is minimal and limited to co-workers and supervisors, and the job is generally low stress.
2. Maintenance
Some positions are after hours, and pay ranges between federal minimum wage and $12 per hour depending. It could be higher if the job is unionized.
3. Mechanic.
This job requires professional training. Interaction varies depending on the situation. Auto mechanics might deal with a high volume of customers directly, airplane mechanics probably deal with the least amount of people.
4. Some other blue collar job.
26 Sep 2012, 11:14 pm
