Getting My Child to Clean Their Room

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My husband and I have a six year old with mild Asperger's. Getting her to do most things is like pulling teeth. Any recommendations on getting her to clean her room?

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When we have her clean here room we give her specific instructions. We tell her to put her books on her book shelf. When that is done we give her another task.

Last edited by catrig on 24 Sep 2012, 11:23 am, edited 1 time in total.

I'm not a parent myself, but would like to be.

One thing that springs to mind is that AS kids are likely to need specific instructions on HOW to clean a room. "Clean your room" can easily be too vague for the child.

I was just going to say what CompGeek said....if I said "clean your room" to my 15 yr. old son he wouldn't know what that meant.

make sure your request is age appropriate...she's 6 so that's pretty young but with help she should be able to make her bed or put things on shelves.

keep your expectations very simple and very clear and as she gets older change your expectations as needed. Make it fun for her and mabye she'll buy into it.

for what it's worth not - all kids care about a super clean, tidy room...I've finally given up on my son caring about it....I will not allow food to be left around or anything unsanitary and he does have to vacuum, dust every once in awhile but as far as keeping it clean like I would keep it...forget it

simple and clear directions always (still) worked best with my son

If I say to my 7yo son with Aspergers, " See all the clothing on the floor? Please pick them up and put them in the laundry basket in my room." He will cry, complain and have a fit. I dont expect him at 7 to clean the whole thing on his own, I usualy give him one specific job, but he will still be upset thru that.

To be more specific about being specific; you might try just asking her to pick up one particular type of thing and put it/them in a specific place. For example, ask her to pick up her doll clothes and put them in the red bin, or whatever is appropriate in your house. I usually offer to do team work with my DS (6 yo high functioning autism). I get him to help picking up the Legos, then we work on the Trios, then we might get to putting books on the shelf but by that time I am usually on my own. Kids with AS need a lot of support. Remember that AS is a developmental issue and her ability to do some things independently will lag behind what is average for her chronological age. Would you ask a 4 yo to clean her room without any assistance?

Mom once told me my room was dirty and it needed to be cleaned. To my eye sight, it was not dirty and things were put away. I should have asked then how was my room dirty or what does she need me to do but at six years old, you don't really have the ability to ask. What did I do instead? I started to take my stuff off shelves and put them back on. I remember mom telling me get to cleaning my room and I was cleaning. I just didn't know what I was supposed to be doing and what needed t be cleaned. I had no dirty clothes out, no toys laying around, books were on their shelves. To this day I still don't know how my room was dirty. Today I would have asked how is it dirty, what needs to be done because I am an adult now.

When my (neurotypical, but still...) daughter was 6, I had the same problem. She absolutely would not/could not tidy her room. I think the problem was that it was just too overwhelming for her. There were too many things that needed picking up and putting away somewhere and she didn't know where to start or what to do. Sooo... I decided to get her a maximum amount of shelf space and a large desk for her room. I let her room get really really really messy for about two weeks while waiting for the delivery of the desk and shelves.

When the desk and shelves finally arrived, I tidied and organized her whole room. She was simply amazed at the result. It made such a difference to her. She has never let her room get that messy since then (she is now 8!). The shelves really really helped. It showed her how to organize. I also put labels on each of the shelves so she can see where things are.

I also go through each of my kids' rooms about once a month and get rid of anything that they haven't used in a while or clothes that no longer fit.

The one thing my daughter cannot do is fold her clothes, so her drawers remain pretty messy. But I can handle that!

Messy rooms are a fire hazard, so some some level of tidiness is important for me in the kids' rooms.

Globetrotter's comment about labels made me remember that I did the same thing. When my son was learning to put away his clothes I labeled each drawer...it was a huge help to him...doesn't even have to be limited to drawers, could label shelves, etc..anything you want.

We have a 4yo with AS and we have not achieved this yet lol! We ask her to tidy up something easy like putting crayons back in her tub but she panics and flaps about and complains shes too tired, she doesnt know how etc. I have to sit and help her before she will even try but really I just end up doing it!

I think you are doing fine with this! She needs lots of support. I would phrase it as "Let's pick up the crayons together. You can start with the blue ones and I'll start with the red ones." Don't know if any of your kids like the Wonder Pets but their little Teamwork song helped us a lot at that age!

I generally break it down into categories. For example, put your books on your bookshelf. There are places for everything to go. This was something she used to be able to do.

I understand what you are saying. When she was 4 she could and would clean her room without assistance. I'm just kind of out of my element. She seems to be fighting things more as she gets older.

I am strongly considering doing away with the toybox, and replacing it with a shelf with very specific bins.

My son does better with a list of steps. If it is in writing (or pictures) then he doesn't see it as me telling him what to do. He is also able to see the end, which seems to be very important to him. At the end of the list, I usually add a reward, like "Finished. Now you can play minecraft until dinnertime" or something like that. I always include on the list - Tell mom you are finished. This is so I can check it and see if I need to adjust how I am saying anything, also so I can give him some verbal praise.

The times I have bothered and not just done it myself I have to provi very specifi instructions, and instructions to only do one thing at a time.

Like the last time I started with picking up all of the books and putting them into a pile. Then we sorted the books and put the spines all one way. Then we put them one by one on the shelf correctly. This was after I realized "pick up your books and put them on the shelf" resulted in her picking up one book, putting it haphhazardly on the shelf, followed by picking up a second book, which she then started to flip through and read. With prompting, she put it diagonally on the shelf, tried to cram another book on, couldn't, and then declared herself "Done" due to lack of space on the shelf. Anyway, after the books, we moved onto toys and really worked on just pitching them in the chest without identifying all the pieces (thats a problem of mine, not hers) and then I had her go around and pick up any remaining items (mostly baretts and hair ties) and then had her deposit them in the appropriate place. But yes, I had to sit with her and promt her very, very often to put something into a bin or whatever ans she continually and repeatedly got distracted or stuck.

Ah, now this is a very different issue IMHO. What kind of stressors does she have? Is school going well? poorly? Have there been any changes to her environment, family, friends?

Have you asked her what's going on? I'd be tempted to use Gr. Ross Greene's tact, "I notice that it is hard for you to clean your room lately. What's up with that?" And really listen for the answers.