Another one leaving the nest soon :-(

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My daughter who will be 19 in two weeks, and her fiance have been planning on moving out at some point within the next year. His parents own a rental house about two or three miles from here, and they have been trying to kick the people out who are living in it because they haven't paid rent in a while. This looked like it was going to take a long time, and be a long drawn out thing, so I wasn't taking it all that seriously and it seemed like such a long way down the road that I wasn't worrying about it.

She told me that the people are now looking for another place to live, and will be out whithin a month or two and she and her fiance will be moving in. They will be gone by Thanksgiving she said! I am seriously having trouble with this. I'm glad that she's grown up and going to college, as is he, and he works and she's looking for a job. I'm glad that she's happy and will have her own home and all that. I am not glad that my little girl will be gone.

When my oldest son moved out a few years ago, it wasn't a big "moving out" thing. He was dating that girl (his now baby mama who caused a lot of problems in the family by being crazy) and she had her own place and he would stay at her place sometimes. He started staying there more and more and taking his stuff over more and more and it was a gradual thing, and not a sudden "Bye, I'm gone!" thing. This will be a big "moving day" thing with tears and hugs in the driveway and all that. Although they are only going a few miles away.

Having one move out, I still had three more at home. He is four years older than my oldest daughter and it seemed like it was years away before another kid would move out. Now, she's going. I'll only have two left at home, and my younger son is thinking about moving in with some friends already. He may or may not do that, he hasn't decided.

It seems like I can see the whole rest of my life stretched out in front of me in a house without my kids, because they will be grown and gone somewhere. My youngest daughter has no plans to go anywhere until after college, and she's only 16 and in 10th grade now, so that can change by the time she graduates high school, if she's in a relationship or decides to go to a college that isn't close by.

For most of my adult life, my identity has been "Mom". I know that I'll still have two here for a while, and then at least one for a while more, but it's becomming real to me that the days of me being full time "Mom" are going to end.

Who the hell am I going to be then? What am I going to do when it's just me and DH?

I'm so full of mixed emotions right now that I don't know what I feel.

_________________
I'm giving it another shot. We will see.
My forum is still there and everyone is welcome to come join as well. There is a private women only subforum there if anyone is interested. Also, there is no CAPTCHA.

The link to the forum is http://www.rightplanet.proboards.com

I have long ways away for my son to leave the house. I am not sure how I am going to feel. I don't understand yet why it's so sad. Maybe because it means they are grown up and it's sad because they miss them being so little and now they are grown and ready to leave. Just like how parents may be sad about their kid starting kindergarten.


But put it this way, at least there be less messes, less laundry to do, less food to buy, lower electric and water bills, less dishes to wash.

It's sad or maybe hard is the way I'd put it, because until they move, close to every waking moment is spent focusing on their needs. Your needs are secondary (or lower) and your time is not your own.

When they leave, there is tremendous upside, but you need to get used to a completely different life.

I don't know about you, but for most people around here, change can be difficult. In this case, it's really common for NT folks to have a hard time because this is a big, big change.

OliveOlilMom - I'm starting it too. My 17 year old wants OUT the minute he can leave as his brother's (and father's) meltdowns are more stress than he wants to take any more. I am already sad and he's a senior in high school.

is the child that is moving out have Aspergers? If so, I am sure in a way you are relieved and happy they can manage on their own. As for empty nest, I am not there yet, but am not looking forward to it.

OK-- Smart ass comment time.

When they're all "gone" (they're never really gone-- my dad died two years ago and I'm still crying like a lost toddler looking for her Daddy), you are going to be...

...to be...

...to be...

...GRANDMA!! !! !

My aunt's kids all moved out. The first one got his girlfriend pregnant, moved her in, then a couple years later they moved over the hill. Their kids just finally got old enough to get off the bus by themselves. The middle one did things the normal way-- my aunt babysits her boys a couple days a week. The last one is in the middle of a messy divorce and just moved back in with two toddlers.

So much for that empty nest.

Adult kids still need a Mommy. Believe me. I don't think that just goes for Aspie kids, either.

If you get lucky, you'll be a mommy of adult children who has more time to pursue "hobbies." Hyperfocus Heaven!! What fascinates you???

Oh, I'm already a grandma lol. My oldest has a 2 1/2 yo. However, I don't get to see her because her mama is a crazy dope ho who hates me and has turned my son against me. She also hates everyone in the family except my youngest son and turned him against them too, but he's talking to his dad again and his brother and one sister, because she ran off with another guy and took the baby.

_________________
I'm giving it another shot. We will see.
My forum is still there and everyone is welcome to come join as well. There is a private women only subforum there if anyone is interested. Also, there is no CAPTCHA.

The link to the forum is http://www.rightplanet.proboards.com

Yeah, I remember that story. Major suckage. But hey, the next one will stick around maybe. Probably. It's got to get better from there.