Part time daycare for some sanity?

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Has anyone put their child(ren) in daycare in order to re-gain some sanity? Both my husband and I have AS (and most likely our son) and the responsibilities of caring for a toddler for 10 hours per day is so overwhelming to me. I just feel so horrible about it because I can't seem to let go of the idea of being a picture perfect stay at home mother. I'm having so much trouble accepting that I have a lot of limitations, and that that kind of lifestyle isn't always the best option for every family. I feel like daycare will allow my son to socialize (something that I am desperately trying to provide him with, but keep failing to do), and get out of the house every day. I also feel like I'll probably be in a better mood, and therefore able to be a better mother to him.

Can anyone relate to this? Thanks

Just my humble opinion. We parents all need time away to stay sane and strong. If you need to then do so; care for yourself, it's really important.
The time spent away from them (children) makes the time spent with them more precious. My daughter is now 20. I would love to re-live time spent with her; it's impossible though. But back then, I did benefit from time spent away from her. Does thar make sense?
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I didn't have the "luxury" of daycare being a choice as I have always worked outside the home full time. However, I know several Moms who were SAHMs and I know they did do daycare and pre-school, when the time came, for at least a few hours per week. Whether it is in order to get the shopping done or to go to the gym or just have some down time to yourself, it is important to take time for yourself. Don't feel bad about it, you really are doing what's best for your family by taking care of yourself.

Yes I can!

My son is 15 and I've been a SAHM/work part time sometimes mom since he was born...I have homeschooled him for the last 7 years....Being with him sometimes just sucks the life out of me and I have to get a break.)

Daycare wasn't an option for us when he was a toddler $$$..but I am blessed to have parents who really were his 2nd set of parents and they would take my son every once in awhile and it helped me keep my sanity. Now what helps is I can leave my son home alone if I need to run errands or shop.

Do whatever it takes to keep your sanity- you're going to need it as the years go on and your child grows

Oh I forgot to add ...about the picture of that "perfect" stay at home mom you can't get out of your head...she does not exist! ...OK now I'm done

If you happen to find that perfect mom, send her over to my house, I could use some help!

I completely support the daycare idea. Socializing is very important for any kid, specially kids with AS (if they are more familiar with socialization they will feel less stress when school starts, and they need A LOT of time to get use to things -so the sooner the better). And you definitively need some time for yourself. I know how stressing rasing a kid can be. I understand your guilty feelings, but you know what? If it is good for you and your child there is nothing to feel ashame for. And he deserves the best mom you can be for him.

You'll be a better mother if you can get some break time. Part-time daycare or hiring a babysitter is a smart move to reduce your stress level. NT kids don't really start to play together before about 24-30 months, so I'm not sure socialization with other children is really necessary at 14 months. If your little one is on the spectrum, the other children may prove to be more stressful than anything at this point.

A little. I have burned out as a parent and then reached my limits and then it was worse when my husband had a seizure and hurt his back. I must say two months away from my son was good for the both of us and now I am a better parent again. I also did not have the luxury of daycare because we could not afford it. If your husband is making enough, can you afford a babysitter or a nanny for part time (I assume four hours a day, right five days a week) or for few days a week or few times a month? Daycare if pretty expensive but so are nannies and babysitters when you use them everyday. You have to be making tons and tons of money to afford that.

Also don't feel bad, all parents need a break form their kids and all parents burn out if they don't have a break from them. It's recommended parents have at least two days to themselves a month but for us it may be more due to our condition. But with the stress you have been going through due to your husband, it's harder being a parent when you are so overwhelmed from all the stress.


EDIT: Oh here is an idea, you can join a gym that has daycare and if it comes with the membership, you can always join the gym and go there and bring your kid there and leave him in daycare there while you are in the locker room on your computer or doing whatever you like. I read this on parent confessions from Cafemom from The Stir section and some parents do actually do this.

What you need to google for is RESPITE CARE. That's what you're talking about.

Hell's yes...you gotta do what you gotta do. I get very little help with my kids, in terms of family and friends and so, I have one day a week where my little one goes to daycare just do I can get other things done. It's nothing terribly exciting just shopping, going to the library, appointments etc but it's my respite and my sanity and overall makes me a better parent. (P.S. I am NT but parenting is the only job in the world that 24/7 and everyone just needs a break, it's human nature)

lady_katie, I've been a stay at home mum for almost 7 years and I completely understand how you are feeling. I never put my daughter into child care, until she was 3yrs and I regret it. We get free nursery places, 15hr per week, once our kids turn 3, so I waited until then, like most people. However, most people I know don't have kids with autism, they work part-time, so grand-parents/ child minders take care of their kids for some of the time, so they are not with their kids 24/7, like I was. But, I gave up work, to be there for my daughter and the thought of spending money on childcare (when I had given up my salary and was around anyway) did not occur to me. However, I had no support all day long and I was mentally and physically exhausted. My daughter is not easy to deal with (not for anyone, not just me), which did not help matters. The only thing that kept me sane was that she always napped in the afternoon, right up until she was about 4 1/2. Also, my husband is a good Dad and, when he came in from work, he'd spend time with her and he was always the one who got her ready for bed. She's in school now and I still don't work. Maybe I will, some day, when I get my energy back.

Yes I did for two half days a week when she was 3. I dont work so there was no real need to do this other than to make life a little easier, I dont feel bad about it! It was only from 12 - 6 and she had great fun going places and playing with friends. My husband worked late on those days so they were hard work and it was just too difficult. She went to a child minders rather than a nursery, they were great and it helped her in many ways. It was a nice family atmosphere and she sees them as more like an Aunty and Unlce (husband and wife both chilminders). It helped to get her ready for school as she was used to being left. It also gave me something to work towards, I knew every Monday and Thursday I would have a few hours to myself. I could do shopping, get my hair cut, go to the Drs, make phone calls, all things I couldnt do with her. I think we both benefitted from this, she made good friends that she is still in contact with (shes now nearly 5 and in full time school). Also having a childminder meant she was in a group of kids of all different ages and when our second child came along our eldest was familiar with new borns and little babies, she was far more understanding and we had no problems with jealousy! I could not have got through the second pregnancy without having the help of a childminder!

Dont feel bad about it, you need that time to yourself. Im NT but was suffering with depression so it just took the pressure off a bit and helped me through it

Thanks for the replies everyone, I do feel a lot better about it! We don't have any [supportive] relatives in the area, so I quite literally never get a break. Even when my husband gives me a "break", I cannot truly relax because he constantly requires guidance and reassurance when taking care of our son. We cannot easily afford daycare either, I'll have to work part time and the majority of any money I make will go directly into paying for it. Thankfully I'm a freelance designer, so I should be able to get a little bit more work, and structure my days in such a way that gives me at least a little bit of time to myself. My hope is that having a change of pace and something to focus on for a little while during the day will 'feel' like a break. Even if it only helps marginally, maybe I'll be able to think clearly enough to come up with an even better solution.

What exactly is respite care? I have been reaching out to the community in all directions for help and assistance (of any kind) and have been turned away from many, many places with nothing more than a "good luck". In fact, the last place that I went to was a church that supposedly has services available to people with special needs. I set up a meeting with the "special needs" coordinator who's only advice was to join MOPS and insisted she would email me that week with more "solutions" that week. She never emailed me, and MOPS turned out to be an over-loading nightmare for both me and my son. There were 50 or more mothers there, and when I ducked into a corner to clear my head for a split second during the 2 hour long forced "social bingo" game, the "leader" FOLLOWED me and asked me what I was doing! Another church informed me that I was exaggerating and advised me to "stop throwing psychological terms around". They insisted on marriage counseling, which I reluctantly agreed to because the pastor felt so strongly about it - only to discover that he was too busy with conferences and traveling, etc. to actually ever schedule time to see us anyway (I guess we were a low priority, being that we were 'exaggerating' and all). Not to mention contacting every autism agency in the area, only to find out that they only have services available to low functioning adults.

Respite care is one of those services provided by the state agency who does Early Intervention. It's basically a babysitter or other caregiver who is trained for special needs kids, to give the parents a break. You'll have to get a diagnosis for your child in order to get respite. Sorry.

In my area, on a per-hour basis it costs about the same to hire a part-time nanny as it does to do part-time daycare. (Full-time daycare is cheaper than a nanny.) I worked from home as a software engineer for 2 years, starting when my son was 22 months, and had a nanny come to my house to feed him lunch, put him down for a nap, and do light housework (dishes and laundry), about 20 hr/wk. I really liked this arrangement at that age because I could hear him laughing with her, and I could take a short break to read him a book before nap.

Also, part-time daycare is going to want to take him in the morning, which I think is the most enjoyable time with kids. I was able to spend the mornings doing fun things, and have the nanny come in the afternoons, when you get the lunch cleanup, naptime struggles, and cranky late afternoon time.

You might try care.com and find a part-time nanny who has special needs experience.

I'd be careful with regular daycare or preschool if you think the child has AS. Daycares and preschools can be less than understanding when it comes to that. For the most part the people who work at those places don't get paid enough to care.