Aspergers Girls

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I would love to chat to Mum's or Woman who have a Daughter or have aspergers.

Thanks Cha x

Hi Cha, my 10 (almost 11) yr old daughter has aspergers, just recently got the daignosis

From "Getting to know each other"

Re: Pain - see my reply in General Autism Discussion, under the post "Do you have trouble recognizing physical pain?"

Beyond that, I really wish I could tell you why your daughter may think you do not love her after she's done something wrong, but I still feel like that myself sometimes - like I don't deserve to be loved after I've screwed up, or it's my punishment or something. On one hand it makes complete and total sense in my head, on the other hand it's completely illogical.

I needed (and still need) a lot of downtime away from others - she probably does too - I would play games in my room, like Monopoly or card games, playing both sides, or listening to music. I would just go off in my head for hours and be perfectly content sitting in my complete mess of a room that I never could keep clean.

I have one younger brother and while growing up I completely despised him. He was always loud and getting into my stuff. He had no qualms asking my parents for stuff or for lessons and (looking back) even though I think I wanted to do certain activities, I just didn't have a clue how I would ask for these things. I don't think it occurred to me that I could ask for anything.

My best friend who lived on my street was like a sister because we met each other before we were a year old and grew up together for the first 18 years of our lives, but when we were young we fought everyday. She was so bossy and I would go along for a while, then decide I'd had enough.

I don't know how I would've managed with two sisters - it's easier for me to visit with one friend at a time because I can deal with one personality dynamic at a time, but two or more becomes a problem because it's too much adjusting for me for each personality. I tried to have 6-8 people over for a small get together and was ready for it to be over and done and everyone to leave just 30 minutes into it.

I have a 4 year old girl with autism. She's more verbal all the time and a sweetheart!

I have an 8 year old Aspie

Hi thanks for your replys, Saw the doctor today and he has put her on medication for her meltdowns are they are cause harm to my other daughters. How can I help her with school she hates it? Finds it so confusing?

Do you have an IEP in place for her at school, and are they fully aware of her needs? School can be a very tricky problem to sort out, and everyone has to be singing from the same sheet so to speak. I don't have many issues concerning school, my daughter would be there 24/7 if she could, but there are lots of parents on here who have had struggles. The only issue I have is trying to get meetings sorted and the head, who is a prat and told me to use 'tough love' with my daughter

If you are in the states, definitely request psychoeducational testing - in writing - as soon as possible if you haven't already.

If you have, it sounds like you need a crisis intervention meeting asap. If your child hates school, obviously her needs are not being met and possibly even exacerbating her meltdowns and other behaviors. If after school is a horrorshow for you and her - you definitely need to get in there and put heads together on how to turn this around.

give us some information - there are lots of very experienced parents here with some helpful advice for almost any situation. Let us know how we can help you.

Medication for meltdowns? Have you tried anything else? Did they suggest anything else? I know you want to get down to the root of the issues...why is she melting down and how can you help her cope. There may be therapies that can help her. Where are you located?

My daughter is 6 and recently diagnosed with Aspergers. She often gets in trouble at school for not keeping her hands to herself and for refusing to do work. We are doing testing now and hopefully will have some accomodations at school in the near future. She also has problems with her sister, they rarely get along and home life is stressful because of it.

My mother isn't particularly computer literate, however, if she were, she would probably tell you the same thing the article I posted in the Autism Discussion forum says....medication doesn't help.

Your daughter is having meltdowns because she is getting upset or stressed over something. There are other, more effective ways to go about addressing them aside from drugging her up in a futile attempt to get her to be complacent.

If you give examples of situations in which she has melt downs, perhaps some of us can offer some advice concerning how to address them.

Concerning school, I hated it as well...elementary school anyway, and I will tell you why.

1. I didn't sleep well at night and was often tired in the morning.
2. Getting ready for school involved transitioning between many small steps and I found this
difficult and stressful.
3. I had hypersensitivity and it was difficult to find something to wear that didn't bother me when
I put it on.
4. Like many with AS, I have a non-verbal learning disability and generally didn't learn very well
at school because I process information differently than most people.
5. My workload for the day did not seem finite. When I was finished with an assignment (from
which I generally didn't learn anything), I was given another similar assignment to do (from
which I generally didn't learn anything).
6. I got overstimulated easily and needed a lot of time to myself to process things, and I was
not afforded this at school.
7. And last but not least, I had no friends so I really had no reason to look forward to going.
Most people enjoy school for the social aspect, if not anything else, but as I had nothing else
and no friends to look forward to seeing, the whole thing was just one stressful, intellectually
inhibiting event for me.

I found the whole thing so horrible that getting me to go was a big issue, the focus of which was quite detrimental to me and represents an example of how trying to get a child to follow the law trumps acting in the child's best interest. I found school to be so horrible that to this day, when I pass an elementary school I'm incredibly greatful that I don't have to be there.

It wasn't until I people got off my back about the whole thing, that I was able to flourish. It transpired as such. The highschool counselor called a meeting (I had home schooling by this time but it was through the public school district) and basically told me I didn't have enough units to graduate with my class but my test scores were phenomenal (they would have been abysmal had I actually attended school more) and if I wanted to go to college, I should drop out and go.

Yes, they told me to drop out because they had nothing more to offer me academically. I took the GED, scored quite high in most areas, enrolled in college, and enjoyed it immensely.

I was allowed to study what I wanted, the teaching style was more compatible with my learning style, and most importantly, I knew exactly how much work I had to do.

What do you think would have helped you in elementary school besides pulling you out and homeschooling? Can you think of any accomodations they could have made for you? What would you do to help a child going through now what you went through then?

Under the age of 9, I think it was just going to be horrible either way. However I certainly could have benefited from social skills training. People did attempt to offer my advice on how to make friends, however this usually was not realistic advice, as it was coming from adults, and children don't socialize the same way as adults.

An adult will usually tell a child to go up to another child and introduce themselves. This is what adults do. Children usually don't do this though. Children are far more likely to go up to other children and say "What's your name?" or they may skip the formalities all together and just say "Can I play?"

Children with AS should also be involved in group setting activities that they enjoy and are overseen by an adult that will help them engage with the other children, and social activities should never be kept from them as a punishment. Doing so will usually only result in a melt down, if they actually cared enough about the activity, and if not, then chances are your little darling will quite happily zone out into their own little world and be rather content doing absolutely nothing engaging or productive. Either way, either your sanity, or the punishment effect will be lost.

I don't believe they should be kept in during recess or lunch to finish work either. They need a break, like most children, and usually more than most children.

A lot of children with AS also have some form of learning disorder. These should be addressed appropriately. A lot of times the children will have very strong strong points and very weak weak points and educators will attempt strengthen those weak points while not allowing the child to realize their strong points.

As an example, educators may hold the child back in math because of slow speed on time tests, or not having memorized times tables, when the child may very well have the aptitude to learn higher mathematics with the aid of a calculator to help with arithmetic.

Every child is different though so you will really have to sit down and try to figure out the best way to address your child's particular problems.

Ditto! Only I did suffer through high school and it was just as bad if not worse. When my daughter started having a lot of problems in middle school I put her in charter where she did her work at home. So far my two youngest (autie and aspie) are doing alright at school but if they start having problems I will home school them. Its not worth suffering like that and to what end? When you are that stressed you can not learn!

I have an 8-year-old daughter with AS.

Have you read Tony Atwood's "Asperger's and Girls"? It is very informative.

Boys with Asperger's don't realize how good they have it compared to girls. I see red every time I read a post talking about how hard it is to talk to girls. I know it's my problem and not there's, but I can't help how it makes me feel. I was having meltdowns in public well into adolescents, my emotional difficulties sent me to special education, where I didn't get much of an education. I'm twenty-nine, never had a job, never graduated from collage, and never kissed a boy. I'm a very angry and bitter person and have no advice to give.