sneaking out of the house

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hubby confronted son today about a chair that has been placed outside son's window ( so that son can sneak out) we know that kids do these sorts of things on occasion, but aren't happy about the idea of son sneaking out ( son is 15 btw).....son denied that he had anything to do with the chair this time, but admitted that he has snuck out in the past. son has spent almost the whole day stewing about this morning's conversation, and says that he doesn't want any of our money and plans to just stay in his room, as we are all afraid of him.............i don't know where the part about us being afraid of him came from~never said that before. I tried to ignore his stewing for most of the day~just speaking cordial to him. asked if he wanted lunch~ he said no. asked if he wanted dinner~he said no. i sighed. he then said he'd eat, and took some food to his room. he's still stewing....i just tried to ask him if he wants to talk, and he said no. the guilt trip he's putting on us is very trying.

First, I gotta admit that I have no kids, so my theories are just so much air.

The first thing that occurred to me is that I've never heard of a teenage boy that doesn't sneak out. Starting with Huckleberry Finn down on through my brother who got caught by the police breaking into his own bedroom.

It strikes me that his father did the speaking, but you're doing the mollifying.

And then there's the 'afraid' thing - needs to be aired.

I'm thinking back to my own teen years (I'm 56yo) - it was kind of the equivalent of running away from home, or getting my own apartment. Sometimes I just needed to be alone.

Is your son an introvert per the MBTI? That would increase his need for alone time.

Still, there's something about that chair discussion that seems to have blanks.

I use to sneak out to just walk alone at night when I couldnt sleep>it was a safe town,so I wasnt in much danger.I also snuck out to hook up with my "forbidden boyfriend",motive wasnt to innocent but I justified because I didnt think they should forbid me to date someone just because his parents were divorced.

Did you ask your son why he had snuck out?Are there issues with depression?I use to feel like I would explode if I stayed in my room staring at the walls and stuck in my own brain.Is their any other outlet for him?Does he have insomnia(I have since grade school).If he doesnt feel like he can talk to you,could he write out his feelings/thoughts without fear of being punished for them?(I wasnt allowed to be angry or sad).

He is at one of the toughest ages.I wouldnt trade all my cellulite to return to the life of a teen.

I think you're being too harsh on him if you have no reason to suspect he's getting involved in drugs, drinking, sleeping around or criminal activities. Maybe he didn't place the chair there. Maybe another sibling did?? Even if he is sneaking out he may just be going for a walk. Some people just need some alone time and I have had some enjoyable night time walks in the fresh air and quietness that I look back on fondly. Maybe he's sneaking out to hang out with friends just for the sake of sneaking out. As long as he's doing no harm to himself or others let him have some space.

Maybe his comment on being afraid of him was brought on by too much of telling him to stay home. Maybe he is taking it the wrong way and thinking you are telling him to not sneak out because you are afraid he might do like something like going postal. Perhaps you should clarify with him why you don't want him sneaking out...things like getting injured climbing around, being abducted by some weirdo, getting involved with the wrong sort of crowd, not getting enough sleep before school, even the possibility of being attacked by an animal (if you live in rural area), etc.

Parents keep a very close eye on your children. Kids(especially teenage children) get very creative and inventive to sneak out of the house. The reason being, that I was one of those children who was very inventive to stay out all night hanging around with the party crowd. Make sure that they are where they suppose to be and keep very close tabs on them.

son has been in trouble with the police for vandalizing the local school~a girl who's younger than him dared him to do it...he ended up having to go to court, she got nothing.....son has also snuck out over the summer to hook up with his girlfriend ( we weren't the parents who were prohibiting the relationship~her parents were)......
son prefers to spend time alone in his room~which we let him do...
oh, and his sister *has* moved the chair outside son's bedroom because the vent for the clothes dryer is beneath son's window, and daughter likes to sit in front of the vent when it's blowing hot air...she was not the one to move the chair there this time ( we asked her first).

Thank goodness we don't have those problems yet. Mine at still at the stage of just careering off in random directions in the parking lot! It helps to know that these 'issues' will pass and we'll be faced with a whole set of different issues as they get older!
Cheers
http://whitterer-autism.blogspot.com

ahhh, yes...how i long for the good old days when all i worried about was him running out in front of cars !.....at one point, i remember thinking about getting a kid leash~but changed my mind. he has little sense of safety~never has had much, no matter how we've tried to help him understand that some things just aren't safe...when he was little it was: not standing on chairs, not running with scissors, not standing on the couch, not standing on the coffee table...now i worry about his current obsession with candles and incense.

I yust to sneak out but not for meeting up with people - just coz I like a mid night walk since i was very shy & social anxiety & found it easyier to go out at night, would not worry about the room & saying No to stuff thing and would leave him to cool off - I tend to get more stressed if someone keep's pushing special when I yust to get blamed for everything... As for the candle thing if they is no smell of burning paper or stuff like that would leave it or not have him have the match's or lighter to light the stuff.... "" But i don't mean rip his room apart to get them, I mean trust him he will give you them all... ""

/*
As for dimensionaltraveler that's been a bit too obsessive you will end up pushing them more away & rebel more... // If you show you don't trust someone they will end up getting very angry. //

Might mean well but can go very wrong...
*/

As for the afraid part maybe you bring too much stuff up that you worry about him? and keep giving him a lecture on it? think that's what he mean's by afraid other word's he might as well stay in his room as they is less chance of you been afraid of him going out or something...

And children are like that got to learn not to stand up on thing's and not cross the road without looking both way's and stuff like that, some people learn from they own mistake’s & some learn from other's - Most have to go through it themselves... Not just As people like this I have watched someone ride straight through red light's on a bike closed my eye's waited to hear the screech of brakes and a crash.... he was very lucky...

we try not to bring up stuff that bother's him, but sometimes things just have to be addressed~like him not bathing for days on end....i can take it for a few days, but by day 4 when he STINKS, well i just can't take it anymore~i ask him nicely and in a private manner if he could please bathe. sometimes he complies, sometimes he doesn't. it's just hard to know sometimes. we do worry about his lack of judgment...how could we not ? he tells us some of the things he's done after the fact, and my eyes nearly pop out...i guess i could look at this like " ok, at least he's sharing his "adventures" with us"...but i worry

Know when he takes a wash is it when no one's in the house? or does it at strange hour's - I find it hard to take a wash when people are in the house - mainly because I think it's coz my mother is a bit nosey when my door is open...

My mother does the same with the stink thing - but I do find it hard to take wash.. With people in the house - I get the same anxiety I get from sitting at a table with family... Some time’s I can't be bothered - I know it's wrong but I just don't see the point I only stink to myself... not like I got any friend's and that....

If I am going out ill get washed or more time’s I go out in a week the more ill get washed – but I do find it hard to get a wash with people in the house…

Not saying this is the reason as could be another but just using an example of me...

son will take showers with other people in the house...he never has liked water, though. even as an infant, he hated baths. no matter how cold or warm i made the water, it was always a struggle to get him to bathe. i think the only reason he looks so clean in the summer, is that he loves swimming in the pool !