Non-"Program" things that have helped your AS chil

Post Reply New Topic

Am sure Non-"Program" benefits to your child is a topic that has been covered before but I cannot find it in any recent threads ...

There are little things that many of us will do naturally as parents, like teach manners and insist your child use them. But what about other things? Completely accidental, or an activity that you fell into and it made a world of difference?

I'll start ... There were two things that really helped DyS that I would like to share;
- My "flakiness" in the sense of scheduling and time.
Mom saying "Ok, this morning we're going to get the car washed and go grocery shopping, after that we'll stop in to see Grampie."
Which becomes "OK kiddos, instead we're going to get the car washed, visit Grampie and then go to the grocery store ... and it's close to lunch now, so let's eat a bit early and hit the road after!"
The changes were never traumatic; I always told the boys what the new plans were, sometimes they changed on the fly ("Grampie is at a customer site this afternoon, we'll see him this weekend and visit longer, ok?").
And if they couldn't remember new plans I would rattle them off - DmS would often ask "Ok, what next?"
DyS took it all in stride - so long as there were no major sensory changes, most of the time was spent in our car, and the rest at (usually) familiar places.
We've been told that this has helped (DyS especially) them not be as rigid as he might possibly have been.

- The HUGE thing we did (for DyS) was adopt our third dog*.
We adopted him from a rescue kennel for retired racing Greyhounds, and got involved in volunteering there.
It was noticed that each time he went there with me - this during the couple years of Pre-K and then the year of K, occasionally in 1st - that he would answer direct questions, look people in the eye when speaking, and just come out of his little shell in general.
The more he went the longer those effects lasted, from just a couple hours the first few times to a complete turn-around after a few years.
He was comfortable walking out into a crowd of these dogs straight off the track saying "Hi puppy, his puppy!" while patting their heads - mind you their heads came up almost to his shoulders!
Smaller children his age would probably be trampled in the dogs' enthusiasm, however DyS at 4 was the height of an average 7 year old.
We could only do this because these dogs are among the gentlest in the animal kingdom - I would not suggest this with other breeds, or even other children!
For the dogs DyS was often the very first child they ever interacted with; his absolute calmness around them was a big help for socializing them to become beloved domestic pets - he has never had a meltdown (for him curling up and crying) when around multiple dogs.
So this was a Win-Win for both us and the adoption kennel.
When in the kennel itself he would often watch a movie on his portable DVD player (using earphones, the dogs all barking was too much for his auditory sensitivities) while nattering away to whichever dog was next to him, the dogs communicated with their eyes and kisses to say "thank you for sharing your Goldfish!" and that was enough for him.
We have three (later on four) dogs at home (a second Grey), but interacting with and being with the dozens in the kennel was very different for him - the four at home reinforce that with their attentiveness to our children.
The folks that work with him at school were amazed at his continued progress - even during the few weeks between school year end and summer school he continues to grow.
For our particular Aspie DyS having dogs around him works

* - I do not support everyone getting a family dog, and never just for their child - no matter what the child's ability is - in some cases I would actively discourage it.
However, I am of the belief that a happy, well-trained dog with owners who are not only smarter than the dog, but can also read basic dog "language" will do well together and enrich each others' lives
(Here's a couple big ones to know about "dog speak"; a dog with a stiff posture, head straight up and tail out is one that feels threatened and is ready to defend itself. And one who lunges at another - even though it's wagging its tail - is expressing that it *will* be dominant over the other dog.)
We raised our two youngest sons with dogs all around them; when DmS was 4 months we adopted our second German Shepherd, they both felt that they were nannies to our little boys and have always been patient and loving with them.
Don't know what our children's nightmares were, but big hairy things with fangs are always friends!
Our dogs also know their place in our family pack and if one of the boys has become exuberant they just remove themselves from the situation.
The boys have also been taught to respect the dogs and know what their boundaries are.
We adopted our first family dog 11 years ago, so in the last ten+ years of owning 4 dogs (of two different working breeds) and having two little boys in that time we have had zero bites, zero snaps and one growl.
Please please please do not add a pet to your home unless it is safe and calm for all!

I posted this in another thread, but just saw yours so I thought I'd add it here... It's made a HUGE difference for us with our DS8...

We discovered the awesome use of a "rescue word" since sometimes he doesn't know he's affecting someone to the point of pushing them over the edge, since he doesn't read faces or moods very well until it's too late. I said "I can tell if someone is about to get really upset and start yelling, you might have a harder time with it. What if we come up with a word or a phrase to say when I can tell something is going in a bad direction and you just need to stop whatever it is you're doing no questions and then maybe we can talk about it later if you want?" It avoids us getting overly upset, and him melting down because he doesn't know what he did wrong. He came up with "offroad" as his rescue word. So now if he's doing something really annoying or uncalled for, I say "DS, don't go offroad..." or something using his word, and he amazingly stops cold turkey 90%+ of the time. We might have to repeat it the other 10% of the time before he does. We can deal with that... It's worked for him for about a month already- his Mom uses it, even his teacher does, and says it works! We talk later, and he has learned some things that are going wrong, why, and has been dealing with some things much better... We don't use it a lot, or nearly as much as we might have thought, we save it for true "dude, this is the last straw" times so it doesn't lose it's effectiveness as a tool for him. Our therapist says it is a grea ttool, and was pleased that he was involved in creating it, and picking the word as well. Hey- we did something good! Smile

When my son was 10, we started a "things that make me a target" discussion. He was well aware of the fact that other kids were teasing him and that he was probably doing things that made it worse, but he was utterly clueless regarding what those things might be. So we made an agreement that if I saw him doing something that might make him a target, I would point it out and we could talk about it. At first I felt awful doing this because most of the things that he does are simply things that other people should not concern themselves with because he is not hurting anyone. I was afraid I'd damage his self esteem. On the contrary, he felt empowered by the feedback. Finally, he had concrete examples of what he was doing wrong, so he could finally fix them. Eventually, he started to figure things out himself "Mom, did you know that standing too close to people after they already backed up is something that makes you a target?" or "Other boys my age do not like My Little Pony, so I will only talk about it at home" or "Not everyone likes Pokemon, so I will only talk about it to other kids who I know for sure like it."

I have also taught his teachers to say "This is the last question and then we will move on" because if they don't, he will take them on tangents all day long. It is a little like a rescue word because he recognizes that if someone says that, it means he has been going "on and on" too long.

I love this thread! Thanks for posting.

Unfortunately for me, my personality is not condusive to having a PDD child AT ALL. I am not detail oriented, I can't relate to having alternative learning needs, I am an 'on the fly', no plans needed type person. The only thing that helped my son is my insane obsessiveness and formal training with research and ability to read and assess medical research and reports and my stubborness to find answers to questions to which there is no answer.