What is your pre-schooler like?

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My son is 3 (will be 4 in Jan) and he seems so different from the other kids that I read on this forum and I am wondering now how "different" is he really.

I made a list of 20 things about my son the other day, in anticipation of speaking with his therapists at school. I thought I would share. Sometimes, he seems so sever with his aloofness and jargon, but I don't know anymore.

Anyone see similaries with their child, or how their child was?

I will list out the observations I have made about my son.

1. He smiles a lot and makes great to so-so eye contact and that depends on how well he knows you and how interested he is.
2. He will approach you and makes a coherent statement or request. Sometimes he might ask a follow up question or sometimes he might answer a follow up question.
3. With certain family members, they have to get into his face and talk to him. Most questions are replied to in complete jargon, assuming he replies.
4. Any question asked that is not multiple choice or yes/no is answered in jargon or not at all.
5. He is reading and full potty trained and knows his colors, shapes, etc.
6. He loves to sing and dance and isn't afraid of noise. Loud noise attracks his attention.
7. So far, he hasn't had a melt down or shown much sensory issues except for kissing. He likes to walk barefoot outside but then, sometimes he likes to wear his socks.
8. He will approach his cousins who are in his age group and speak to them in jargon. He might call their names and ask them to wait, but when they do, he has nothing to say to them.
9. If giving a chance, he will happily run away from the house.
10. He has low muscel tone and runs arkward but his balance is very good.
11. Sometimes I will talk to him and either get a blank stare, jargon, he just walks away.
12. He loves to hug, kiss and snuggle.
13. He will throw a tantrum and sometimes spits but he can always be talked out of it.
14. He stims by looking at things from different angles. Right now his favorite is a CD and a stick.
15. He plays with cars and has recently started giving voices to the cars (though I couldn't make out what he was saying).
16. He stalks his baby sister and will leave what he is doing to try and give her a getnly slap if she cries. He sometimes gives her a hug now but that is because we have been telling him to do that.
17. He gets upset if I sing Happy Birthday but if I insist that I am doing it, he will join in and continue singing after I have stopped and then try to get me to continue.
18. He has little issues eating food or sleeping.
19. He seems happy enough around lots of people, but it's like being in a parallel world with him.
20. He loves dogs and will chase them until he is tired, if I let him.

MOST of this sounds just like my son at 3, thought my son wasnt stimming. Also, he didnt have meltdowns or tantrums till he was over 4. He was easily redirected to other activity when he started to get upset..
You wrote your son has never had a meltdown, butt hen you wrote he tantrums. Are you thinking the 2 are different? if so can you explain what he does for a tantrum and what you think a meltdown is...just for clarity!

Sounds like sensory issues but sensory SEEKING. That is how my son was. He would love to hug, snuggle, kiss, rough house, chase, play tag, etc...he is very sensory seeking. I think sometimes people dont realize that seeking is an issue too. Much more aware of this as he got older.

My son wasnt afraid of noises either at that age. now that he is older SOME loud noises upset him, some noises he hears that others dont, like the car making a squeak every time we go over a bump, etc... I think some of this was becasue he was more in his own place back then, now he is more aware of things.

My son had imaginative play and loved to play with babies and younger kids, his cousins, older kids...mainly an issue with playing with peers.

it can be so hard. I can tell you my 3yo is light years different then my son was at that age!

Thanks for your reply.
An example of my son's tantrum would be getting upset if his older brother changed a show he was watching or his brother or sister took his toy. In some cases, he will mostly cry if it's his big brother or try and give his sister another toy to substitute for the one he took from her. You will her a lot of crying that it is "mine!". There is a couple times he gave his brother a timid slap but it doesn't escalte from there. If he is at fault and I talk to him about taking turns and give him some hugs, he will suck his finger and calm himself down.

I don't know if he is fully sensory seeking because he doesn't always seek it out. He has to be in the "mood" to play rough house. Otherwise he will just walk away and do his own thing or cry or tell you "NO!". And with the barefoot vs socks, he has to be in a mood to do either.

My son did not have imaginative play at all until recently. He does however like to play by making a funny face or he even likes to draw expressions on faces. He has recently strated drawing eyebrows (not sure what that's about) on the faces.

I think the thing that strikes someone is his ability to go from happy and loving to aloof, as if what you are saying doesn't register. But even his aloofness is different because he is so animated! He is talking in his jargon, with finger pointed up and sometimes has a big smile. He might even meet you stare for a few seconds and laugh and then back to ignoring you. It's not unpleasant, but it makes it hard for people who don't know him to connect with him.

It is a spectrum, though they all have certain issues in common, how it manifests and whn in each child will be different. My son interacted beautifully with some, and shut others completely out. Back then, it was very hard to see he had ASD. As he got older is when the symptoms were more apparent. My son had no official diagnosis they his pre school years...yet, he always had ASD.

Hang in there and enjoy your son. I have to say my son was much easier at 3 and 4 then he is now...lol. The more language he obtained, the more "in tune" he bacame, the more issues bacame apparent.

Thanks MMJMOM for your response. In your son's case, did he have a communication delay? My son clearly does. The echolalia is decreasing but the jaron is still very much there. Did the "aloofness" decrease with his developing communication skills?

my son always had comunication. He spoke at 12 months, he had one word approximations for loads of things, he pointed and engaged with us in speech. He had severe artic issues due to his cleft lip and palate, so his speech was hindered by that. I understood him he had consistant words for items, for instance "cup" was always "how" and daddy was "gaggy" it was all his artic. He was slightly delayed. When his peers were speaking in 2-3 word sentences he was using single words or 2 words. When they were spraking fluently, he was using 2-3 word sentences, and he finally cought up completely about age 4. But he wasnt ever considered severely delayed, he only got speech for his artic related to the cleft at first, then the speech helped him broaden his communication more. He started to ask WH questions by 4, most kids do that a lot younger. He was just so content with everything!

My son was never really aloof. He was always social to pretty much everyone. He COULD shut down if someone was really pushy and in his facce, but for the most part he was like a silly puppy. He would go to anyone and everyone and smile, hug and try to copy them. Especially adults, and babies. He liked to engage us in his special interests, still does! He would bring us to his toy or bring the toy to us and ask us to do it with him. He is stil like this. He loves his video games and will be thrilled if w play them with him, or just sit with him and watch him, and he LOVES to talk no end about the games. Funny how he is still the same, just with more speech! Or I should say more speech we can understand!

It was thought by his speech therapist and team, that my son was in tune with the fact that most of his words were hard to understand, and thats why his speech wasnt exactly where his peers was. I am not sure if that was it or if it was something else, but he always had speech, it was just slightly behind his peers for a while. Then it took off.

my son was very perplexing back then. No one ever suspected ASD, none of his therapists, teachers, etc...and my kid was in EI since 3 weeks old due to the cleft. Even when I brought issues to them, they just wrote it off to his intelligence. FOr me, looking back, all the issues I was bringing to them were clear signs of ASD, but to know him back then, I can understand why no one suspected it.

Mine just turned 4 yesterday. He's outgoing with adults but not so much with children (he hasn't been around very many except a few days of preschool). He smiles a lot and talks constantly--most of it jargoning but some of it conversing.
He loves tickles and other physical sensations. He's sensory-seeking in that area.
He loves music but is terrified of loud noises like thunder, vacuum cleaners, static on TV--in fact, I think that's the only thing he's afraid of.
He has great muscle tone, is fairly coordinated with gross motor skills.
He has no fine motor skills to speak of, can't hold a pencil or turn book pages.
He's more or less completely potty trained, but can't/won't dress himself. He hates being clothed at home and runs around naked whenever he gets a chance.
He does vocal stims and is fascinated with running water.
He bolts when we're out in public if he gets a chance.
He sings really well and one of his first special interests was guitars/musical instruments. One of his worst public meltdowns was at a musical event where he escaped from me and climbed onstage and tried to play with the band. He was only 2.

1. He smiles a lot and makes great to so-so eye contact and that depends on how well he knows you and how interested he is. Yes for both of my kids at that age. Actually, still yes for both of them.
2. He will approach you and makes a coherent statement or request. Sometimes he might ask a follow up question or sometimes he might answer a follow up question. Yes for my son. I am not sure if my daugther was able to generate her own follow up statements or questions at that age. It was somewhere around that age that she started to.
3. With certain family members, they have to get into his face and talk to him. Most questions are replied to in complete jargon, assuming he replies. No for either kid. My daughter was jargoning around this time, maybe a little older than this, but I think she was practicing prosody. Her speech was still sort of Robotic around then.
4. Any question asked that is not multiple choice or yes/no is answered in jargon or not at all. No for either kid
5. He is reading and full potty trained and knows his colors, shapes, etc. No on reading for either, yes on potty trained, colors, shapes, and letters.
6. He loves to sing and dance and isn't afraid of noise. Loud noise attracks his attention. Neither kid is bothered by loud noises but my daughter is bothered by sudden noises. Daughter loved to sing and dance at that age. Still does.
7. So far, he hasn't had a melt down or shown much sensory issues except for kissing. He likes to walk barefoot outside but then, sometimes he likes to wear his socks. Both of my kids had loads of sensory issues at that age.
8. He will approach his cousins who are in his age group and speak to them in jargon. He might call their names and ask them to wait, but when they do, he has nothing to say to them. My son was extremely verbal at this point. My daughter rarely spoke to other children without prompting, except as part of school activities.
9. If giving a chance, he will happily run away from the house. My daughter was still on a leash. She was dangerous.
10. He has low muscel tone and runs arkward but his balance is very good. Daughter had good muscle tone, but difficulty with tripping due to severe in-toeing. My son is still awkward. Daughter has good balance, son does not.
11. Sometimes I will talk to him and either get a blank stare, jargon, he just walks away. Yes with daughter. No with son.
12. He loves to hug, kiss and snuggle. Yes for both, except my daughter doesn't like to be kissed.
13. He will throw a tantrum and sometimes spits but he can always be talked out of it. No tantrums for son. Daughter rarely.
14. He stims by looking at things from different angles. Right now his favorite is a CD and a stick. No
15. He plays with cars and has recently started giving voices to the cars (though I couldn't make out what he was saying). No
16. He stalks his baby sister and will leave what he is doing to try and give her a getnly slap if she cries. He sometimes gives her a hug now but that is because we have been telling him to do that. No babies in our house
17. He gets upset if I sing Happy Birthday but if I insist that I am doing it, he will join in and continue singing after I have stopped and then try to get me to continue. No
18. He has little issues eating food or sleeping. Both kids are good sleepers. Daughter still has numerous eating issues, though she is getting better.
19. He seems happy enough around lots of people, but it's like being in a parallel world with him. Yes for both kids. They have never minded being around groups of people. In fact, at that age my son was a major ham.
20. He loves dogs and will chase them until he is tired, if I let him, Both kids LOVE animals.

Thanks so much for telling me about your kids and giving me so insight.

Last night they had a open house for parents to get to know all the people who interact with their children. I will be setting up a follow up meeting with just us and his "team". From what I gathered, he has been running over most of them. One of his major issues is that he is easily distracted (unless it's something he wants to do). At home, we push past that and he is forced to complete whatever task he is supposed to be doing (dressing, eating, etc). Well, I was told that he comes in and acts silly most of the time. He is running around and laughing and they are them focus on just getting him to settle down. I explained to them that my son does not have a poker face. So, when you see him laughing, it's because he thinks he "won". When he has to do something at home, he manages to string his words together to form a sentence to ask to do something else. If I am not careful and agree, his face lights up and he burst into a giggle or laugh. So, when he is running around and laughing and has an adult running behind him, it's a joke to him. I told them they have to be firm and that they can push him, he wont break.

I was reading that ASD kids are not very manipulative, but my son seems to found a way around it. He is an absolute sweetheart and seemed to be well known and liked, but I think he uses that to get them to let their gurad down. The teacher tells me that sometimes he is asked to do something and he will just lay on the ground and roll around! I told him that they need to tell him to get up! My son reacts to the tone of his father and my voice. Depending on how strict I sound, he responds to that. The OT says that they tried him with the weighted blanket and jacket but he didn't care for them, They said he liked the tight vest. She said she has been spending a lot of time giving him messages and putting him on the swing because he comes into her session very silly.

How commom is it for our kids to be sooo different at school and at home? How could they not see that my son is getting over on them? Is is because he is 3 why they allow him to take the lead? No wonder he loves school! I aslo thought the OT would be working with him on coloring and strengtening his fine motor skills. Should I tell them what works for us at home and explain how I think he is getting his way, or should I wait and see what the therapist are doing?

I am not sure if it manipulative in a bad way, or that they are doing it while thinking, "Ill show them!" It is more of a way to control the envt and reduve anxiety. My son appears to be manipluative but he is just trying to make sence of the world and that is by having things go his way, and he is so smart he will figure out how to make that happen. I was TOLD he was manipluating me at a very young age, well, he wasnt.

My son was 2 different people. The opposite of your son. After about 2 months of pre school, he was perfect there, followed the rules, dependable, always could count on him to do the right thing. He woudl come home, melt down, yell, run around like a lunatic. They explained to me that he was holding it together in school, and let loose at home. OH, and dont forget he was manilating me....lol. I needed to be stricter, tougher, show him whose boss...yeah love the advice!

Maybe manipulate is too strong a word for my 3 yo. I was just floored that he was running around giggling and being silly and was not told firmly to stop. My son's face shows EVERYTHING. He gets his way, his face lights up with big smile (even his eyes smile when he smiles). Maybe they don't know what he can't do vs what he does not want to do. He has a lot of down time and play time when he is home, so he is not really holding anything in at home and he is certainly not holding anything in at school. The difference is, at home if he doesn't want to do something he is capable of doing (like putting away his toys), if I insist, he will do it. I just don't think that they insist enough. He is having fun at school, but that's because he does only what HE wants to do.