School Additional Support Plan

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This is really just a bit of a rant. In Scottish schools, kids with additional needs should have an additional support plan. Although my daughter was identified as needing to be assessed for possible autism, about 2 years ago, she only received a plan last month. I'm actually pretty disgusted at how basic it is, it barely touches the surface of my daughter's needs. We had a meeting to discuss it and my husband and I had to write a response and my daughter had to make her own comments. We'd been putting off writing it, but decided it needed to be done, so did it last night.

As I went through the points with my daughter, it became clear that some things were not being implemented at all and other things were not helping her (they were in fact hindering). I try to speak to her every day about school, but she doesn't tend to go into detail. She's supposed to have a sticker chart and get a sticker for each task she completes. Then at the end of the week, a senior teacher is supposed to spend a moment, giving her praise. My daughter informs me that she had a sticker book at the start of term, but doesn't have it any longer and she has never once been spoken to by a senior teacher. On the plan, it also mentions the use of 1 min and 5 min timers. She says she never gets the 5 min timer and the 1 min one just makes her panic. I wrote a response which was only negative, but truthful.

To top it all, the teacher warned her yesterday that, if she didn't complete her work, she wouldn't be getting out to play at playtime. This is what my daughter struggles with most and why she has the plan in the first place. It seems that the teachers have conveniently forgotten that my daughter has special needs. She said that she thinks the teachers just think she's being lazy, when I had hoped that was all behind us.

Anyway, I absolutely hate the fact that I know I'm going to have to speak to them in person about my unhappiness about the situation. I get so emotional and usually end up in tears. I handed the response in to the head teacher this morning and, if she does her job properly, something is going to have to be done about it and she will have to speak to the teachers. From my own experience, a parent getting on the wrong side of the teacher doesn't tend to help the child. I knew this was going to happen some day. I have no confidence in the school at all.

I know how you feel! I get all in knots about our IEP meetings as we call them here in the States. I have gotten help in a few different ways and I feel like the latest round that we have been through has actually been productive because of it. First, I get help for me, I see a therapist who helps me work on my anxiety issues. What helped me this last time is to remember to bring my grown-up, professional self to the meeting. Emotional Mommy can watch but she doesn't get to speak. I worked on visualizing my professional self before the meeting and it really helped! The other HUGE help has been the educational advocate that has been attending meetings with me. I am lucky that here we have advocates available for free through a non-profit agency that is geared to help families with special needs kids. If you have access to someone who can act as an advocate for you, preferably someone that knows the ins and outs of the school system, avail yourself of that opportunity! Even if that person just acts as another set of ears or someone to take notes for you about what was said, it can make a big difference. I think advocating for our children is a full-time job, in addition to the other full-time jobs we have being mother and, for many of us, also working outside the home. Its a lot and its hard but I know you can do it!

I agree... it is very frustrating, and it doesn't seem fair that we have to monitor what is being done and fight for it when it's not happening. I don't think any of the suggestions I gave the school last year (including a lengthy dx and recommendations from a top-notch psychologist, done at my expense) were put into place last year. But at least they weren't as negative as the year before, when she was not yet dx and accused of being manipulative, lazy, etc. This year I am waiting to see how detailed the SEP is and whether they put the tools in place. When things get messed up, I cringe because I know I am going to have to address them. I feel like we are both trouble-makers in the school's eyes. However, I know feel that her physician and the methods and resource teacher are more aware of her needs. In this sense, it was actually good that one of her assessments showed in black and white that she couldn't do some of the work at her grade level. I highly recommend therapy for managing mama's moods and attitudes; I'm of no help to my daughter if I am tied up in knots or angry at her teachers.
Another thing: it might be easier to do things in writing rather than face-to-face. Is that a possibility?
J.

That just sucks I hope things get better for you. If not I would seriously consider doing something else like homeschooling.

I feel for you MoP! I agree, those meetings are never easy... I often end up crying too. I wouldn't even worry about that, as long as you can get your points across through the tears, you'll have done what you went to do! I've been going to these things for 10 years for my eldest son, I've given up trying to not cry. I know for me it's IMPOSSIBLE, but I do go prepared with my list of things I need for them to know and even whilst I have tears running down my face, I tell them everything I planned to. I let them know that I will probably cry before I start and if they can just try to listen to what I'm saying. I have to do this, otherwise I'm worried that they think I'm weak or I can't handle the situation... I can, I just cry easily and It's like this physical reaction I can't help (overactive tear ducts or something? ). I'm sure it looks unprofessional, but if they are listening to me, I don't sound unprofessional... so they need to get used to it. I have never felt this crying issue means I need an advocate, I am a strong advocate for my sons and believe I can get them the help they need and deserve and I like to be the voice for my sons, whilst they need that.
Good luck with the follow up, just practise speaking clearly through the tears.

Thank you. I did do the response in writing and handed it in.

However, that very evening, my daughter was really upset about a musinderstanding that had happened in school. She had gotten a little tongue-tied and accidentally said the word 'fat', when she was talking to 2 girls. Ironically, she thinks she was trying to say the word 'perfect'. The girls told the teacher that she had called them fat, which clearly was not the case, as the girls are not fat, so she would have had to lie, which she doesn't do and she doesn't insult other children in this way anyway (we have problems with her, but this is defnitely not one of them). So, the teacher said to her, 'Did you say the word fat?' and she replied, 'Yes', because she did, then she was made to apologise, even though she had already done so, several times, before the girls had spoken to the teacher. This sort of thing happens a lot with these girls, they seem to be forever saying, 'We're telling the teacher about you'. My daughter is a very sweet natured little girl and episodes like these remind me of my own childhood.

As my daughter was so upset, I felt the need to go in and see the depute head about this. She was very understanding and said that she'd speak to my daughter and the girls that day and call me back (although she didn't). But, the head teacher appeared too and was a little bit confused about my response. She had spoken to the teachers and implied that, although they weren't following the plan, they were doing other things, which seemed to be working. My point was that I didn't know they weren't followng the plan, i.e. serious lack of communication. I'm not happy with the meeting at all. I'm just biding my time for the new school to be built, in August 2013.

Thank you. My daughter has an educational psychologist and I see her as a sort of advocate. The problem is her workload, but I think we're going to have to get some more support than we're getting. My husband is is quite good for taking along, although he doesn't do well either, when there's more than a few people in the room. The trouble is that I end up in these meetings, without real warnng, like what happened on Friday (see my post above).

Thanks. I have been considering homeschooling for a long time. But, our council area has decided to build a whole new school and I'm told it should suit her needs better. I intend putting her in it, once it's built. I'm wanting to give it a try, before I give up entirely. I'm perfectly capable of teaching a child and I don't work. However, my daughter can be an awful lot of work and I fear I might lost the plot. So, I am hoping that traditonal schooling will work out eventually.

Thanks for that. I'm glad I'm not the only one. The last time I burst into tears, I'm sure the teacher began to think I was emotionally unstable. I am very emotional, but my sanity is intact, for now anyway. I didn't burst out crying on Friday, although I did have a wobbly lip for some of the time.