Child getting VERY CONFUSED by directions

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How do you teach a child who gets VERY confused easily ?

My son seems to understand basic directions such as "Come here" or "Sit down" or "lie down", but he gets very confused by other things, such as, "Touch eyes" or "touch mouth". Parts of the face are very difficult for him and I was told to teach him ONE body part for as long as it takes him to spontaneously respond to it, before moving on to another body part. This is what I have been doing for the past 4 months and he still gets confused. I am getting frustrated and discouraged by his receptive language issues. It was hardly a month ago that I really felt that we had moved miles in receptive understanding and now this...

He also does not seem to get "manding" for items using PECS, but drags me by hand to get him whatever he wants. I always make him point to the item in question and its a work in progress, and his ability to point to mand is very inconsistent. He just can't seem to grasp the concept that the icons are symbols for a concrete item. This is also why simple matching / sorting and puzzle activities befuddle him. I am very worried about his brain development, as he is almost 3-and-1/2 and should have got the idea by now. I really worry that he will be stuck in the object / concrete operational stage FOR EVER. This is probably why he struggles with language because language IS symbolic !

What can I do to help him understand basic concepts and that symbols represent concrete objects ? Also, could this be a sign of a learning disability as he can only handle one learning item at a time and too much information overwhelms and confuses him, making the whole teaching process an exercise in futility ? I also worry about his cognitive abilities.

Please advise ? I don't want to give up already,

The most important thing to do is never give up. I have a friend who's son had no speech at all until 5. Between his first words and full sentences was a very short period of time and what I can tell you is that for my kids, especially my daughter, she tends to lag behind and then launch forward rapidly. Just try to be patient, continue what you are doing, and try not to think of any time lines you must adhere to. Our kids can be particularly sensitive to stress, so I think the more relaxed you can be and the less pressured, the better it will be for him. I know that is not necessarily easy, but it does appear to be necessary. I also realize that 3.5 seems to be "old" when you are there, but in the grand scheme of things, it is still really young. Patience and persistence (but not pressure) are your friends right now.

Hang tight. You can do it.

We had problems with our daughter with this too, shes five now and has improved so as previously said, keep at it and it will get better!
We had problems when she was looking for something and I knew where it was but was too busy to get it for her (changing the baby or cooking etc), trying to explain was a nightmare! I just had to get rid of any noise or anything else that was confusing her and give very specific commands.

Try photos. instead of the symbols, go back a step to a photo of the real thing ie. for a drink, take a photo of his cup, his drink that he is familiar with. Print out and laminate. For say his fave biscuit, you could take a photo of it or laminate the packaging. Once he recognises this, try the photo with the symbol together... then just the symbol. Keep the written word on there too, he may start to recognise the letter symbols before the pictures. When he drags you to the item, grab the card/photo that represents what he wants and show it to him before you get him what he wants, show him, say it. Put the card in his hand and then, if you have to, hold his elbow to guide the card into your hand. Then he gets what he wants as the reward, plus kisses and cuddles from Mum. Him dragging you there is a good sign, praise him for showing you what he wants, even if it's not yet at the stage you are working towards.
You are not going to give up Hismom. You can't. You have just started... you should know that he may not be rewarding all your hard work in the way you want, but that means NOTHING. You have to know what you are doing is helping him, give it time. Really it may be months before you see it start to pay off, stick with it. Change the way you approach things bit by bit if you really believe they are 100% not working, but DO NOT GIVE UP! We are all cheering for you guys from out here!

qick idea, how about photos like the PP suggested, and get that tacky stuff that you can use to stick the pictures ON the objects themselves, this way when he drags you to the object, he will have to pull off the photo and hand it to you to get the object. Once he seems to have mastered that then try to move the photos to a board not too far from teh objects themselves. FOr instance, in the kitchen have a board with a few photos of his most requested objjects, in the livingroom the same, in his bedroom the same, etc...but maybe starting out with the photo and putting it ON the object will get him to understand that photo represents the objcet himself.

just a suggestion.

I think the suggestions to use photos was excellent.

I also want to tell you that even when autistic children HAVE speech they will still bring you stuff. My son is verbal, and was not delayed in terms of acquiring vocabulary, but he always had a preference to get stuff and bring it to me, instead of asking for it. So I do not want you to think that this is somehow a bad sign in terms of speech, necessarily.

Even bringing you something is a form of communication, which is super important. My son is 7, verbal and still brings me stuff from the fridge, when he wants me to open it, instead of asking. All that means is that he finds it easier than speech. It does not mean he is necessarily confused.

What we have done, is we tried to get him to communicate after bringing it to me. So, if he brings me cheese from the fridge, I might playfully ask him if he is giving it to me or if he wants some cheese. Then he has to say that he would like some cheese. It also makes him slightly less likely for him to bring it in lieu of speech, as he knows he'll have to talk to me anyway, but again, he still does it.

I would still ask him to do whatever you would want him to do with the PECS material after he brings you the object: point at the PECS icon or photo, or whatever it is that serves as his symbolic communication. If he doesn't do it, then point to the pic yourself, and tell him something like, "I see you want <object>. Here is the <object>. as reinforcement of what you want him to do. I used to make statements like that to my son when he was would not ask himself. It helps reinforce expectations. It reinforces the vocabulary, too.

I know there are things everywhere about not letting tv be your babysitter and I am not for a minute suggesting you stop interacting. With my son he would watch particular shows over and over and over sometimes the same episode repeated all day or for several days, but he made huge progress. He has and is a lag/launcher. I understand your frustrations. I have to remind myself often even at now 13 that just because something is this way to me it may not be to him. When he does "get it" I try to anilize how a particular situation was different because that is usually the key. The reason I think the tv shows work is because everything is the same every time so the exact sameness implants it into their memory. You wear different clothes, ask things in different locations, and even your inflection could be different. So if the first time you say nose and point to it all happy but by the tenth time you are saying oh come on.. nose nose where is your nose you have changed the entire subject. You might as well now be saying ear as far as he is concerned. Some great shows that are tedious for us but work on just the kinds of things you are talking about are Dora, Harry The Bunny, Blues Clues, They pick an item or series of items then discuss them in different settings all the time showing a visual of the item. Richard Scarry's Best counting video ever and best ABC video ever are great too. If I think of more I will post them. My 2 year old processes very fast with these shows but best I can tell she is NT, but it is the whole purpose behind their designe. OH.. Doc McStuffins is great for problem solving and her voice is very calm and upbeat. I know even at 13 if I start to get frustrated he shuts down completely and I just have to let it go until I calm down. Easier said than done at times

I am going to attempt to take a crack at this so apologies if I am totally off...

Oh wow... that was awesome advice. Very small children don't always get mine and yours and same. The mirror or pointing to what he sees is a great idea!!... I wish they had a "like" button here lol

Does he understand what 'touch' means? Not have you showed him, does he understand it?

I was typing a suggestion then I realized that maybe that is too much for him to do all at once. Point ok I have to do that and fan. Too much sorting out. Can you try changing to where is the fan and point. Starting with objects rather than body parts he can't see. At least then you will have a better idea if he is "getting it" or totally lost. This way if he knows where it is he will look at it even if he can't coordnate pointing and locating. Plus if he knows he is going to get it wrong because he can't put the two together it may add a level of frustration that makes it impossible. I would maybe add "close, the fan is here" if he gets it wrong. Instead of No. And look happy. Although he may not be able to fully express or interperate all emotions they do know energy on a basic level. Just tell yourself that to start with you will be happy if he just plays along. I have done a lot of "telling myself" things lately. As much as I want to help my Aspies I am also exhausted from the battles and the "not getting it" and having to say the same things over and over. Basically expecting them to pick up on this stuff already. It is hard to not feel like they are not trying or that you just can't teach them. Now if they do not react the way I am expecting I mentally tell myself that "they do not think nor react in my way. They are not trying to be difficult they do not understand. I need to take a breath and try a new approach" I know it sounds corney but the reminder gives me the ability to cool down. you wouldn't ask a blind man to read directions. This to me is the same thing. Now my tone is not one of frustration because I am able to calm myself and I can try a different approach in a very nice voice. The biggest change and I noticed it in just a few weeks is that now that I am not frustrated all the time they are actually very calm and happy (and feel safe from anger and embarassment) and they "get it" so much faster. Even so far as seeing ahead to do things without being asked. You may be surprised to see him point. OHHH and if he does randomly point to something ask.. with a smile as if it is a statement not a question.. Are you pointing to the fan? Good job! And please post how it works for you. I have learned so much here about how to change my approach and reprogram my way of thinking with positive results. I just wonder sometimes if I am very lucky or if I have wasted a lot of time pushing my ways instead of learning theirs

Hi Lori,

You are right - it is all about expectations management. I am now going back to the basics and starting with nouns around the house. No point pushing him, just keep teaching one noun at a time and then move to another noun after the previous one has been mastered, pat down.

I also dropped the "touch", because, as someone pointed out, he may not really understand what touch means. Baby steps, baby steps, baby steps...thanks for posting. I need to talk to myself more often, too !

LOL.. I have more conversations with my self! It realy does help though. If you have time read some of the adult posts too. I know you feel like your main concern right now is your child but the adults here do a great job explaining how they felt as kids and what they wish someone had done for them, and what things upset them. I have found a lot of information to help my son from the adults. I have learned more about what it is like to have AS. They have suggested some things that my NT mind would say "ummmm, no, I don't think so" but heck what do I have to lose by giving it a try. And POW it works. Another thing that has really helped me is to think about all of the wonderful qualities that come along with this. Staying positive helps me not get so upset over the things he has difficulty with.