Discussion for Parents WITH Aspergers?

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AspieStudentMom
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23 Feb 2008, 8:44 pm

Somebody told me that WrongPlanet had a discussion board for parents who have Asperger's themselves, because everytime I try to find something like that, I only finding parenting kids with asperger's. Did I just miss it somehow?



2ukenkerl
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23 Feb 2008, 8:55 pm

I think parents that HAVE aspergers just talk HERE.



sartresue
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23 Feb 2008, 9:31 pm

Parents on the Spectrum topic

My three children are all NT. I am afraid I have nothing in common with the parents of Aspie kids. This does not mean my kids have no challenges, it is just that they are different from children with more pressing needs. I do not bother the Parent forum with my problems, as they are not relevant.
I usually keep my kids' lives private unless their experiences are relevant to a question or an issue from a member. I always mention that my kids are NT. :cat:

Thank you for noticing the parents. I did start a topic long ago entitles Aspie Mother-NT children and i got a few responses. Only one, Alexbeetle, was an Aspie parent with NT children. I think six people wrote back, all with interesting ideas, but this was not a sticky so there was no ongoing venting. I guess it was the NT parents that were the most in need, and as someone said I am almost "done" so I would not need to worry too much longer. In some ways he was right but you never cease being a parent as long as they are living they will be your children, albeit adult children. Thus my experience is rare. Except for Alexbeetle, all the Aspie parents said they had at least one Aspie child.

I have never parented an Aspie child. :(


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23 Feb 2008, 10:36 pm

I'm a parent and have Aspergers and so does one of my children so far.


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KimJ
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23 Feb 2008, 11:53 pm

Some time last year some members wanted to start an Aspie Parent forum. I'm against it because I like the mix. There are some Aspie parents in the Parents' forum. We may not always appear aspie because we were raised without diagnosis and raised to be NT. So, we have feet in both doors, so to speak.



AspieStudentMom
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24 Feb 2008, 11:30 am

2ukenkerl and Kim J-I meant somewhere specific, like do they have their own forum because it seems like every other aspie issue has their own forum. For parents who do not have the diagnosis, I am sure you have come up with many coping mechanisms that I haven't had the chance to do yet, and I was hoping to hear from parents in my specific situation, because every other specific aspie situation gets their own forum.

sartreuse and asplanet--thank you!! I was hoping to hear from people like you, because I believe we have EXTREMELY different challenges than parents of aspies (not more difficult, just different.) It doesn't make sense to me to lump parents of aspies and parents who are aspies in one category because they are so, so different!! !

The reason I posted is because I am a first-time mom to a six-month old and was also just recently made aware that I am an aspie. I have been told many times that aspies make bad parents, and I do not believe this is true, but I needed some reassurance. I heard that unless your baby is your interest, than they will not get the attention they need and that they will always be embarassed by you (more so than normal kids), etc. etc. I read Liane's book and that helped, but I was just wondering about some of the certain challenges that other aspie parents have gone through, since I am new to this. I love my daughter so much and want to give her whatever she needs to thrive, and I am also curious if she will be aspie or NT. It would be nice to have an aspie daughter, because we would understand each other so well, but it would be nice to have an NT daughter, because we could explain our worlds to each other.



KimJ
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24 Feb 2008, 1:54 pm

I was answering your question. We don't have an Aspie parents forum. Some people tried to get a separate one and it didn't happen. There are enough aspie parents in our parent forum that all you need to do is put it in your subject line.

Outside of WP, I don't know of any other Aspie Parent groups.



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24 Feb 2008, 6:21 pm

A few threads that may help -
One I started on WrongPlanet:
How do other aspies cope with babies, young children.. - Parents' Discussion
http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt48494.html

and a few from my own site:
Childs Voice:
http://asplanet.info/forum/index.php?board=38.0
Aspie Parents:
http://asplanet.info/forum/index.php?to ... 157#msg157


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AspieStudentMom
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24 Feb 2008, 7:30 pm

asplanet--thank you soooo much!! That is exactly what I was looking for. :D



gbollard
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24 Feb 2008, 8:49 pm

I've got aspergers and I've got a 7yo boy with it too.
I've also got a 4yo boy with high functioning autism (which I think will probably end up being just aspergers)

ask away... I'll post responses and discuss. :D



raisingmamacita
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26 Feb 2008, 7:58 am

I'm in an odd situation where I have a mother (who is now 64) and is VERY likely an aspie, but has never had a formal diagnosis. My grandparents took care of her and raised me, and I never realized she had a problem until they died some 12 years ago. I also believe that my grandfather was an aspie as well, but my grandmother did a good job of taking care of all of us. I didn't come to this realization until I started teaching at a school that does inclusion and ended up working with several aspie teens. It seemed odd how I needed so little training to work with these kids. Little did I know that I'd been filtering the world for my mom my whole life.

Meanwhile, my mom's quality of life has plummeted and she doesn't allow me to do much to make the situation better. I am pretty much ready to jump ship - oddly enough I have an aspie boyfriend who got a job offer out of state and I'm moving with him as soon as the school year ends (I'm a teacher). I worry for her, because when I'm not around she forgets to pay bills, lets the house deteriorate, lets her health deteriorate and basically chooses to live in filth. Even when I'm around, at best I remind her to pay bills and have done some work in hiring people to repair the house. She doesn't let me clean and ignores me when I remind her to take care of her health - she's developed diabetes and high blood pressure and is going deaf.

I am looking for support as a child of an aspie parent but have yet to find it. I am also looking for support as a person who's in a relationship with an adult with aspergers. Any help is gladly appreciated!



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26 Feb 2008, 9:47 am

Thanks for starting this thread. We do seem to be in the minority.
I'm not dealing too well with my role as a mother and wife because it does feel strange to me sometimes. A lot of times I will watch my family from a distance instead of participating and that bothers me. My interest is my children but I'm afraid I am a failure at this domestic thing. I'm a terrible wife.
Of course, that all sounds depressing. sorry all.
I would die for my children but I do have to detach every now and then or I just shut down.


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26 Feb 2008, 10:01 am

I'm an Aspie mom...I have one son with a mix of aspie & NT traits, and my mom (62) who is more than likely an aspie also.


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26 Feb 2008, 10:09 am

AspieStudentMom -

I was actually considering starting a blog/site/forum for Aspie parents! My husband and I will (hopefully) conceive soon (sorry, TMI) and we are both Aspie. It is a brave new world, this parenting thing. I know I would need some better insight than what I could garner from NT internet portals. Mainly, I would be afraid to ask questions that NT's would deem stupid or weird.

Do you all think this would be a valuable contribution to Aspie-dom?

~Anna



fabshelly
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26 Feb 2008, 12:55 pm

Yes, says this Aspie mom of an Aspie daughter


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gwenevyn
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26 Feb 2008, 1:24 pm

I am an aspie mother. I just post my questions in the Parents' Discussion forum and clearly state that I'm the one with AS, not my son. I've received much support and help that way. I hope you will, too!


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