Advice for parent of a new aspie

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I have an NT friend who reciently emailed me - as the only openly autistic person she knows - saying that her daughters school suspect her daughter either has Asperger's or ADHD (or both), they're getting a pediatrician involved and trying to find funding to give her support in class. FYI this is in the UK.

My friend is asking me what is the most important thing she can do for her daughter if she does have Asperger's. Not sure what to say - any thoughts? Bonus points for input from aspie parents.

Join this forum.
J.

We all are or can be so different, I am over 60 to start with. I think the most inportant thing is to realize that the aspie girl lives in a considerably different mind, world, plane. Her wireing takes different paths then the norm. So to see that and accept that to me is really a necessity. And secondenly accept her as she is first and formost then consider all other things for her under these two.

Read Aspergirls by Rudy Simone - good for any age bracket.

I have to go with what Zooguy said. Acceptance and a willingness to "get" who she is goes a long way. Everything else flows from that.

Your friend will probably want more specifics. Those will depend on what her daughter's specific strenghts and weaknesses are. So, again, it goes back to understanding her and acceptance.

First thing: get a good diagnosis. By good diagnosis, I mean one done by someone who has an understanding of all the many facets of autism and can specifically detail what her individual deficits and strengths are. Usually this is a pediatric neurologist or a developmental pediatrician (in the US; no idea how this works in the UK but I'd imagine you have the same disciplines.)

Here's my reasoning: our school gave DS a diagnosis of Asperger's when he was 7, but just a few accommodations and minimal services (one Lunch Bunch per week) It wasn't until we went to a specialist (we were lucky: there are several multi-disciplinary centers dealing with pediatric development and we finally figured out that was where to go.) They outlined the specific deficits DS had, and caught a severe pragmatic language delay that the school had overlooked. Getting therapy for this was what helped us turn it around. Basically, you need a roadmap for YOUR kid, and a good diagnosis is a good place to start.

Autism Speaks has a first 100 days kit that may also be helpful to you, it's here: http://www.autismspeaks.org/family-serv ... 00-day-kit

We also have an "index" of topics I collected at the top of this board, as well as some recommended reading - nose around there and see if any of that works for you. Research is really, really helpful.

When my son was first diagnosed, the psychologist told us that the one thing he had seen make the biggest difference was how informed the parents became. His advice? Read, read and read. So, I went on-line and I read. For me, forums like this became my preferred source of information, soaking up first person individual stories and considering what they offered in the way of suggestions to our family. Other people prefer more clinical reading. I could spend hours writing out strategies that I find extremely important, but if I'm going to narrow it down to one piece of advice, I'll have to agree with the psychologist: read.

Identify and encourage the use of any special talents an Aspie might have.