found a letter (help)

Post Reply New Topic

hi.
i am thirty-one.
my intake with an AS doc is december 11th of this year, so as of now i have no diagnosis (this is me giving you context). i understand that my behavior has trouble my parents over there years. on the other hand, i have always been frustrated by the apparent fact that they do not share things with me or if they do, they dont share it in a way that i can understand, which may be an AS/NT thing so i place no blame on them for that one.

i want to grow because i am the next generation and so i would like to know what mistakes i should be learning from and who the hell these people are that have been parenting me for thirty-one years (sixteen in regards to both of my step-parents).

so last weekend, i was dog-sitting at my step-dads house and i went through all of his stuff to find something i could learn from. in addition to borrowing some books of his that i have heard him reference over the years, and a photograph or two that seem important for me to reflect on, i found a letter and i took it home with me.

if this thread goes any further, i may share the theme of the letter (not the specifics). what i wanted to share with you parents is that i learned more about him from that letter, which was one page in length, than i have ever learned about him otherwise.

understand that there is no general blame in this post. i came hear to ask for your help. i feel lost in regards to social situations with friends/strangers/co-workers/lovers as any one with AS might, but i find that it is difficult for me to get where im going if i dont know where ive been. how do i talk to them? have you found successful ways to share information with your AS children?

half of it might also be that perhaps i havent identified the best way for me to receive information either.

thank you in advance for your responses.

muff

I would ask this: did you have permission to go through your stepdad's stuff? Was he aware this letter was in the stuff you were looking at?

It is a breach of privacy and trust to look through someone's things without their permission. If you did so, you have unfortunately created a no-win situation for yourself: your stepfather is likely to be angry and hurt that his privacy was invaded, and to be unwilling to talk about anything you found that he considered private.

If, by chance, he'd given you permission but was unaware of the letter, you might explain that you found it, read it because you thought it was something you had permission to read, and say you'd like to ask him about it.

A better way to find out about people is to ask them. If you have a hard time doing so face-to-face, an email correspondence (where you explain that you're uncomfortable with a face-to-face discussion) or even a written correspondence may be helpful.

Digging through somebody's stuff isn't smart. I understand why you would want to-- many times I have wished to be a "fly on the wall" and find out what people really act like and what they really think of me. But it isn't smart, and it doesn't show you what somebody really thinks, either.

I've had people dig through my stuff and been accused of everything from plotting murder to adultery as a result (I have actually done neither-- one was a misinterpretation as some paranoid jackasses took a common figure of speech literally, the other a flat-out fabrication). But they were SURE THEY UNDERSTOOD NOW...

Yeah. Right.

You should probably tell him what you read. If you didn't have his permission, you should probably start with "It wasn't a very good thing to do and I'm really sorry."

It's human nature, curiosity and the need to understand and be understood and all...

...but it's still not a good idea, and not cool.