Nothing is ever enough!

Post Reply New Topic

I really find it frustrating that my DD5 is 'want want want' all the time, I feel worn out from saying no all day to everything and I worry that shes spoilt. Every advert she wants it, everything I give her she wants more. Sometimes its easier not to give her things because it only makes her want more when I do. For example if Im in a shop while shes at school and I get her a little bag of sweets or something as a little treat, instead of it being a nice surprise when she gets home shes just disappointed its only one little present and the next day she expects the same, shes never grateful! At the moment the new thing is playing games on my iphone all day and the games she has are not enough, she wants new games all the time but when I get her one new game she plays for a bit but then wants more and more new games, which I say no to because I kow she just wants a new game and if I buy one it wont be new and she will want more!!

Anyone else have this or did this as a kid?

Wow, she sounds like a brat (no offence intended, or slight on your parenting, etc).

I think I had the opposite problem, I was indifferent to most things, expect food, so buying me things was unfun.

yes, my son is a lot the same. As he got older ( he is now 7) he still does it to an extent but tis a bit better.

I say to him if that he is upset with what he was given I can take it back, and he ususally is ok after that.

This is pretty much the approach I use with my kids, too. You just have to be ready for the royal meltdown when you actually stick to your word and take it back when they continue to complain.

Would your daughter be able to learn about gratitude? Maybe there are good books about it?

If I was like that as a kid, I certainly don't remember it. What I do remember though, is having to beg the ever living s**t out of my parents to get just about anything.

Please don't take offense to this, but while I wouldn't want to deal with that, is that kind of behavior really all that peculiar? I mean, that's essentially what drives the economy... The constant desire to have something bigger and "better." If we were all content with what we had, we wouldn't buy anything. Of course, in the case of your daughter, it sounds like it's happening at a faster rate. Then again, if the next new Iphone were available the day after you got the old one, I think most people who care to have an iphone in the first place would still buy the new one. I know a guy who, in the last year, probably went thru like 4 different phones, maybe more... because it's never enough. He gets his new phone, and he's obsessed with it, telling everyone about all its wonderful "features." Then a new one comes out with a bigger screen, and suddenly he hates his phone. He's gotta have that new one. The cycle just keeps repeating itself. It's not an aspie thing, it's a human thing, or at least it's a consumer thing.

I have a NT 3yo and she doesnt do this at all. It is a breath of fresh air, to be honest. She asks for something, I give her she says thank you. My son, he whines, complains, and begs for more or different. I then say the usualy, yoou could have gotten less, or nothing at all, and he answers with '" FINE!! !". It is trying and upsetting to say the least.

I wonder if putting her on an allowance would help? If she got $5 a week, that would be enough for 1 or 2 apps, and the answer to any begging would be, "You can save up for that." It cut down on the begging for legos in our house.

Your experience sounds very familiar, my boys were the same. The best idea is to get a routine going, my boys get a treat...sweets on Friday and another treat at the weekend. I now never buy them presents or surprises unless it's their birthday or a special occasion. Once this was established they stopped asking for things all the time because they knew they were not going to get them. Its a huge relief all round!

It sounds very familiar. I can quite happily say that my daughter is not spoiled. However, until very recently, we could go into a shop and she'd want almost everything she saw. We might have been in for a present for another child, so she knew we weren't looking for something for her, but it didn't matter. She saw it, she wanted it and went on and on about it, acting like a spoiled brat, who was used to getting everything she asked for. She could go on and on about it as long as she liked, but she never got it. But, she never seemed to learn that her behaviour never got her what she was after.

It has taken for her to be almost 7yrs for her to stop doing this. We can now go into a toy shop and not be afraid of the whining. We even went into Hamleys today, came out with a Christmas present for another girl, nothing for her and she was absolutely fine. I hope things change for you too.

BTW I think the behaviour is related to her hoarding. This appears to be down to attachment to and personification of objects, which can happen almost immediately after seeing something. Dragging her away from something she has instantly fallen in love with is very difficult. For example, she's been going on and on about a dog she saw in Build a Bear Workshop, a month ago, and she named it. My friend is giving her vouchers for there, for her birthday, so she will be getting the dog (although she doesn't know it yet).

Yes we have hoarding too, she fell in love with a dirty bit of string on the floor, picked it up and it lasted all of 5 minutes before she accidentally dropped it out of the car window on a busy road, now we pass it everyday and she pines for it, even though she only had it a short while. Then one day about a month later, after much crying and whining about it, she told me it was like unicorn hair! It broke my heart coz I thought it was just a bit of string... silly me!! However she only said it was like unicorn hair, she has absolutely no belief in such things as that is just not logical to her lol.

I hope one day we can go into a shop without the begging! I have the same problem, I try to all my shopping online and always have because she wants everything pink, doesnt matter what it it, it can be Vanish stain remover or loo roll, she just wants it and wont stop going on about it!!

Great idea, of course a routine, the answer to just about everything! Doh! Yes I expect little surprises is exactly that, a surprise and she lives her life to a pattern and feels the need to be good one day then naughty the next just to complete the pattern lol. Im NT so these things dont come easy to me, Im having to really rethink everything. But when Im out shopping and I see a little something I think she would like and Im missing her while shes at school, especially if it was an anxiety filled parting that morning, I like to pick her up a little treat, but of course that messes with her pattern Will try that thanks!

Good idea, that could help, I think shes learning about money at school too so it would be like secret homework

I was going to say the same thing - maybe try taking advantage of this as a way to teach her some responsibility, instead of viewing it as a negative (not to suggest that it isn't annoying). You could also try a token system which uses objects (like ping pong balls) in a jar instead of money, to make it more visual.

We have this with DS; it took a while to unpack. A lot of it has more to do with his rigid thinking and his inability to deal with things that are out of the ordinary (although if there's too much sameness he gets bored, too.)

There's actually a scene in the TV show "Parenthood" that I think really shows this behavior: the Dad doesn't want his kid to have AS and feels bad about it, so he takes him to an amusement park to ride a ride. When they get there, that particular ride is closed, and the kid has (no shock to any parent her) a major meltdown. Dad feels like his kid is a brat. I think Mom or somebody explains that you can't just up and change the rules on him - that he threw off the kid's whole day by taking him out of school.

So, for DS, he has to balance the feeling of getting something with the unsettled feeling of things being "different." His brain needs a reason for everything, and the most logical reason to feel bad when something good happens is that it wasn't good enough. It doesn't occur to him that the unbalanced feeling is because something out of the ordinary happened.

We often stop before we go into a store and set rules, e.g. "We are not buying you anything today." or "We will buy you candy today" or "You can have a pack of gum." Sometimes, we will set it up so he earns whatever it is: "If you don't complain while we are shopping, you can have gum," and I honestly think that works best, because it appeals to his logic: it isn't out of the ordinary then, he earned it. He understands the concept of "earned."

It's really hard not to frame the things my son does in "brat," and sometimes we forget and use those words when we talk about him. However, if we really sit down and think about what he's doing and why, it rarely is the case.

He works harder at just sitting in a chair and paying attention than most kids do on their SAT's - that is not brat or spoiled behavior. The effort ordinary things take for him shows, and it helps us to remember that.

My son is exactly the same!! !!
I think his inability to make connections, rigid thinking, OCD traids, anxiety, all feeds into it!
We dont even want to take him anywhere anymore!
Yes allowance and routine helps, like he can get 1 app for 5 dollars every week!
His brother had his birthday party on Saturday...and he had minor small meltdowns the whole morning! He just cant understand some one else getting presents and attention!
The frustrating thing is that my sons neediness doesnt stop with things! He wants attention all the time! And so it carries on!

I also wonder if it is a deficit in communication/pragmatics. I have had to teach my son the appropriate responses in most social situations. Giving/receiving gifts is difficult for some children to know the "right" responses. Even a small, everyday gift from mom. Maybe someone else can explain it more clearly.