How to improve behavior towards pets?

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My 11 year old aspie DD reminds me of Pepe Le Pew, when it comes to our 2 indoor cats! She carries them, hugs them, kisses them, and pretty much smothers them with love. They have learned tolerance (use their front paws to push away her hand w/o claws) but eventually hiss, runaway or scratch her arms with hind legs to get away from her hugs. It saddens us to see her scratched arms.

I've talked and talked to her about leaving them alone when they meow annoyingly at her, and she looses activities when they hiss at her. Her reaction is that she is only trying to be "nice" (affectionate) to them by petting them. I have tried telling her to do things they like, such as brushing them, or taking out a cat toy to play with them. It is getting exhausting for both of us. Finally, I reminded her about "The Golden Rule" applying to everyone, including the cats. So, that every time she was mistreating the cats, I was going to do to her the annoying things she does to the cats. Example touch the cat's nose, by putting whole hand in front of their face (hoping they will lick her hand), interrupting their naps to hug them, following them around to observe them but not giving them space (gets Elvis grumpy). Maybe then she will see how annoying her behavior is and will think twice before mistreating them?

Note, she is not violent with the cats. I am pretty sure she is able to read their cat meows, but she doesn't respond appropriately to them. Hiss will mean stay away from me but she will continue to try to pet them, even if they are in furry razor blade mode. We've had them for almost a year now, plenty of time to get used to them.....maybe she is too comfortable with them?

Any suggestions?

Give the "they are living beings" lesson. And ask the natural question. Would you like to be carried, tumbled around, petted and played with by someone 20 times your size for hours on end every day?

Or try anatomy and cat personality where they are domestic, wild creatures often only really looking for a rewarding atmosphere.

The cat like to be petted, but only to an extent. There is a point where pleasure turn into pain. This is what the kid need to learn. It is not a toy.

I'm not sure if you are worried about the health of your cats or the health of your kid. I highly doubt if the same pain inflicted on cats were inflicted on kid would lead to anything good. For the child cat is not comparable to a human, lesson will not be taken. You need to teach cat lessons, not human lessons. Then add your golden rule on top of that.

OMG I am going thru this with my NT 3yo right now. She LOVES the cats, hugs them, lays them down, wakes them up, follows them, picks them up or tries to, etc...non stop all day!! !!

My son who has AS at this age was chasing them and throwing things at them, he was casue and effect boy, he yelled and they ran he laughed. He is now 7 and finally over that stuff, and here I go again with the 3yo over loving the poor kitties!

As a father of a 13 year old who has off and on had this very same problem handling our cat:

I think you need to take a good look at what you said there ^^^. If she's not responding appropriately, she is not reading the cat correctly.

My son's behavior was identical to your daughters. I'm sorry to break it to you, but your'e going to have to get tough with her. Your cat is a living being, not a toy, and you need to drill that into her no matter what it takes. That kind of behavior can later extend to how they treat people.

The cure for my son was pretty simple. "If you do it again, you are no longer allowed to touch or be near the cat." Period.

He was grounded from the cat for months. If he violated the grounding, he lost his favorite privileges for a day, then two days, then a week, then a month.

If the child can't respect an animal, and later get too attached to a person, they may treat that person the same way.

I would take this behavior very seriously if I were you. If you don't, you could end up at the vet's with an injured animal, then how would she feel?

I think sometimes we're afraid to get tough with our kids just because they have an ASD and "Yeah, but he doesn't understand..." No, he/she doesn't understand.

But they don't understand that if they run out onto a busy road and get hit by a bus, they will probably die. Do we use that excuse in that circumstance? Of course we dont. We get tough with safety issues. This is a safety issue for you animal. It could just as easily become a safety issue for her if the cat get's pissed off enough one day too.

Get tough. That's my two dollars worth.

Mr. Xxx,

that is kind of what I do with DD. If she is coght holding them down or hugging their necks, I put them upstair and put the gate up that DD cannot open so she cant access them. She is SLIGHTLY getting it...but at 3, she still tries her stuff!

I also WISH the cats would teach the kids lesson, scratch or bite the kid and maybe they will learn casue/effect! But nope, the cats are SOOO tolerant its sad.

But I agree, they are living creatures not toys. if she wants to hold something down, get a stuffed animal!

Well, I'm sure you realize that at the age of 3, a lot of kids do stuff like this. How it's handled at that age should, of course, be much different than a preteen or teenager.

lol yep I know! At 3 she doenst have the understanding, she just wants to pet them and they run so she holds them down.

I HOPE and pray that by 13 she is over it...lol. I do have hope casue my son who has AS did eventually learn. My kids have the benefit of being born into a house of animals, so it isnt anything new. But they still each had their issues with them.

I do have a 14yo niece who is not on the spectrum, but she does do similar stuff and gets scratched up by the cat. At least her cat stands up for himslef!

Wolf hybrids. For real. They will play nice and rough, let you handle them any way, and enjoy it. They are the perfect pet for somebody who is handsy. They will also keep the kid in check if he gets too rough without too much of a real injury.

Thanks for the replies, they got me brainstorming.

Since she heads straight for the Elvis and Tenma (cats), immediately after coming home from school. I am going to start to remind her about appropriate behavior towards them before we get into our home. Also, I will recommend activities the cats would like her to do and have toys or a brush ready for her to use immediately.


Perhaps it is confusing to her, because the cats will follow her around, rub up against her, asking to be petted then even lick her hand....so she will continue the petting to get those results but they end up annoyed and overstimulated! So she doesn't understand how the same behavior gets mixed results?


What would be some good rules and consequences for house rules (so she doesn't feel that I am picking on her)? I'll call a family meeting this weekend and lay down the rules for everyone.

What are some of your rules with dealing with pets?

If the cat meows while you are interacting with them, you have to let them go and leave them alone for an hour? Then you may try to interact with them again?

My DD5 was like this with our cat, the cat has since died (not at the hands of my daughter I might add!!) and shes not been replaced as we were constantly on the verge of rehoming her due to DD5s behaviour. She would be trying to help me or be nice to the cat and she would bath her in cold water (as not to burn her) and rub hand soap all over her then she would lick it off and get sick. DD5 would have to lock herself and the cat in the bathroom to do this, Im sure she meant well but it was just unacceptable. She has also been known to teach snails how to swim because she loves swimming so much she thinks the snails will enjoy it, but they dont they just die!
I never found a solution to be honest, its no longer a problem as we dont have any accessible pets now. We have reptiles that are locked away and dont require as much human contact as the furry pets. We have fish too so theres very little damage she can do! Im not suggesting you rehome the cats thoughas I know how hard that would be for all the family