A simple question about crying...
mystranger
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: 5 Mar 2012
Age: 39
Gender: Female
Posts: 25
Location: Albuquerque, NM
I am curious how those on the spectrum or simply those with hypersensitive senses cope with the crying of their own children.
The reason I ask this is that at some point I would like to become a parent, but I hear children crying in stores and it hurts, sometimes physically. One of my boyfriend's friends came over last week with her month-old son and I was fine with his little squeaks and such--I work in an ISP classroom so I'm used to random sounds--but then he got too hot and let out this wail....It took all that I had not to cringe and leave the room. My boyfriend knows how sound-sensitive I am so he looked over at me to make sure I was alright.
I'm just wondering how those of you with children cope with it. I've been told it's different when it's your own child, but sometimes I wonder.
Thanks for sating my curiosity.
diniesaur
Veteran
Joined: 2 Sep 2011
Age: 30
Gender: Male
Posts: 758
Location: in the Ministry of Silly Walks
I'm not a parent, but my little brother was born when I was thirteen. It used to hurt when he cried, but I got used to it after a while (like when people get used to a train riding by every hour), and when they get older they don't actually cry as loud. I guess it will probably just be hard for you for the first year or so. I don't know how you'd get along with the first couple years, but maybe if you got used to that before you had the kid it wouldn't be so hard.
I can only speak for myself, but other people's crying children would annoy me like a cheese-grater to the brain.
When my little ones came along it DID change in a flash... the smallest mew to the largest squall had me want to "solve the problem" and comfort my little boys back to contentment and happiness. It broke my heart to hear them cry and warms it to see them smile.
Sorry if I get overly mushy about the subject... I just love those kids like crazy (happily, they don't take advantage of that and tantrum to get me to buy things, etc.)
For some reason, it's different when my own son cries but most of the time I tell him to stop it or he is going to his room. Or I tell him I will kick him out of my room. I just don't like the sound of him crying when he is just fussing rather than being hurt or upset. When he was an infant I didn't tell him to stop it because infants cry for a reason like if they are hungry or want to be held or not feeling well. I just held him and that was it or fed him to keep him quiet. It was great holding him too. I enjoyed it.
_________________
Son: Diagnosed w/anxiety and ADHD. Also academic delayed and ASD lv 1.
Daughter: NT, no diagnoses. Possibly OCD. Is very private about herself.
LtlPinkCoupe
Veteran
Joined: 7 Dec 2011
Age: 32
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,044
Location: In my room, where it's safe
It makes me sad to hear/see little kids crying, and makes me want to do something to make them stop crying or make them happy again. I have to be careful to keep my own emotions in check in these situations, tho, or I might start crying too bcuz I feel so sorry for them, and then where would that get the both of us?
I can remember being a kid and not minding so much when my younger half-sisters cried (except when they were babies and would wake us all up in the middle of the night) but my next-to-youngest sister's whining was literally painful for me to listen to. There were times when I simply couldn't take it anymore and would beg my mom to just give her whatever it was she was whining for so she'd shut up and talk in a normal tone of voice again.
_________________
I wish Sterling Holloway narrated my life.
"IT'S NOT FAIR!" "Life isn't fair, Calvin." "I know, but why isn't it ever unfair in MY favor?" ~ from Calvin and Hobbes
I'm not going to lie. Ugly truth is that's not always true. The sound of crying/screaming babies causes me physical pain. My son is autistic and frequently screamed because he enjoyed it and cried for no discernible reason and kept horrible hours so that I was always sleep deprived and irritable on top of that. The way I coped was to take care of whatever the problem was if I could and if after trying everything he still continued to scream/cry I'd go to some other part of the house, cover my ears take a few deep breaths and try to regroup. I often wore earplugs to take the edge off. It can be hell and if the child is your own that makes it worse because you are the one who has to deal with it, you can just walk away from other people's children.
dd5 is dxed and we figure I'm somewhere on the spectrum between my obvious issues and my AQ score... anyway, I really hated kids, expecially when I was younger. When I was in college I was assigned to work in a daycare, I showed up to work ONCE. Anyway, as I got older I was better able to, in general, push through things I don't like or that are overwhelming. IN GENERAL. It's torture, but I can push through and then after I need to decompress. When I had my own kids, I have two, I can honestly say that they bother me way less than other kids. Also I found that their crying as a baby was really not so bad, as they get older it gets more grating. right now the thing I battle with the most is the chaos when they argue or when they are both talking or making sounds at the same time. That is pretty bad. I cover my ears and rock sometimes to be honest and my husband steps in to get them to quiet down if hes there. If he isn't I cover my ears and count prime numbers to give me a few seconds of solitude to collect myself. If it doesn't work, and it's safe to do so, I'll walk away for a minute. I'm not mad, my brain is just scrambled, but if I do anything I will SEEM mad. Then I get back to it when I am calmer. I won't lie, it's hard. And in terms of being overloaded, they can do it in no way I've encountered before, but it's totally worth it, I love them to death.
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