Poor Impulse Control

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Eldest (8), has always had an impulse control problem. He acts before he thinks, usually to his detriment. Of late, though, it's gotten worse.

For example, he confessed the other night that he'd cut a hole in one of his uniform shirts. He wanted to know what was inside the hem, so -- while bored at school -- he took a pair of scissors to it. Eldest knew that he'd done the wrong thing, at least afterwards. He confessed, after all, entirely of his own accord. But he just didn't THINK when the idea popped into his head.

The end result of this sort of thing is his getting in trouble for destroying or damaging something, and declaring that he "hates" himself.

He's not doing these things maliciously, I know. He just...jumps.

Like in school. Eldest is constantly getting into minor trouble for calling out during class (his teacher joked to me that he's been a big help in getting used to her new married name, since he tends to repeat it over and over again every single day). He knows that he shouldn't do this, but he gets so excited that he can't stop himself. He's been lucky thus far, in that his teachers have been very understanding and tolerant of his behavior...but this can't last, I suspect.

Any suggestions on ways to help him with his impulse problems?

How old is your son? My understanding from Russell Barkley is that impulse control is largely neurological, and a key feature of ADHD (which is often co-morbid with ASD). He doesn't suggest much beyond medication and maturity. I'll have to check my copy of Smart But Scattered to see if they have any tips for developing the ability to resist impulses...

can you find a reward and cultivate some incentive for delaying gratification of a want or preference?

I would also suggest no grains, no gluten paleo diet high in omega 3

the closer to natural food the better

Poor impulse control is part of AS. They can try to medicate it with ADHD meds but I believe our children are just delayed in mastering impulse control. They will learn it, it just takes much longer. Natural consequences are the best way to teach this, instead of him "getting in trouble" for destroying his shirt, why not just make him wear the shirt with the hole in it? My daughter also destroys her property and she then has to live with it destroyed-it doesn't get replaced or repaired (unless she wants to repair it herself). I don't see why cutting a hole in his shirt should be relevent to anyone but him-it's his shirt to destroy if he pleases. Now if he destoys others' property, this should be "punished" because he is inflicting the damage onto someone else's things.

DS is 12, still struggles with this a little bit, but when he was 8 it was horrible. I will say that it did improve significantly with time.

We talk a lot about thinking things through, but I don't think he was able to do that when he was 8 (Oddly enough, at that time we didn't have a diagnosis, but I made a cartoon social story: STOP...THINK...ACT with a stop sign, I think lightning for the thinking, and the symbol that's on the walk signs.) Repetition of the idea, maybe? I have no idea if it helped or not, but it didn't hurt.

DS was also very hard on himself when he gave in to impulses.

If, again, you use the rubric of these kids being developmentally about 1/3 of their chronological age - it doesn't sound so unreasonable (it is, in part, why we don't leave 5-year-olds alone with scissors, right?) I would talk about how "someday, you will be able to stop yourself even if you couldn't today" and ask him to keep up the effort.

Just a quibble:

Depending on the kind of child you have, he/she may not care about the uni shirt being ripped. Also the school may care, and the consequences that schools levy may bother the parent more than the child, also. (It may be looked at as negligent parenting to let the child go out looking like that--as it is unprofessional, defeating part of the schools purpose for the uni) Also, it might attract teasing and bullying.

We try to use natural consequences, too but they really are contingent on the child caring about what those consequences are, and having enough self control to think about what those consequences are before acting. We struggle with this a lot because we have a child who does not understand why one would be embarrassed or even what the concept would be, so a lot of what to NT kids would be a natural consequence has no influence at all.

We struggle with impulse control, a lot.

The damage on the shirt is minor enough -- just at the hem -- that it's not really noticeable. It'll stay in rotation, as we're not in a position to replace it right now. The damage in and of itself isn't the issue...I just want him to consider his actions before taking them.

Last night he managed to damage his mother's moleskin notebook by pulling on part of it until it snapped. She was *really* upset; it's where she records her knitting patterns, she's had it for years, and it means a lot to her. He was just seeing what would happen, and not considering the fairly obvious results.

It's heartening to hear that he'll grow out of this, more than likely. And you're right; I tend to forget that he's much younger than 8, developmentally.

Between him and the four year old destruction machine that is his brother, it's very trying right now.

(4 year old insists that he's not turning 5 next month: he's turning 12. I know better than to argue, but Eldest just. Won't. Let. It. Go. And dear god, the shrill screams of rage that result!)

Have him count to 3 before saying ANYTHING. Practice at home with him. Impulse control is a skill, just like playing the piano or doing multiplication in your head. It must be practiced.