Bullying incident

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Hi everyone, I haven't posted here in a while but there was an incident today that I wanted to discuss.

To start my son is now 6 and still minimally verbal with huge sensory issues and also pica (eating non-food items.)

This is a bullying incident.

We attended a neighborhood party today (two doors down from our house) and when I came home I found the words "Don't let your kid eat grass and like your tire" written on the sidewalk outside my house. (The tire is a tire swing we have in the front yard.)

I know what kids did it as I'd seen them in that area with chalk, and at one point at the party my wife said one of them had called my son a moron.

It's worth noting that before I went to the party the kids (girls, if it matters) had been walking back and forth in front of the house and directed a couple of mildly insulting remarks at myself (they were chanting "bring in the mail!" after I'd gotten the mail. "Bring in the mail" was also written on the sidewalk. I was in the front yard with my son, as we don't have a private back yard. I ended up going to the party because my younger son was there and my neighbor throwing the party invited me to come over. I am friendly with the guy but not best buddies or anything.

I wasn't too concerned about the mail thing but if they are going to bully my son that is going too far. The girls are around 8-9 years old I believe.

Of course the first thing I did was talk to the kids' parents. They were shocked and said they'd talk to the kids.

Not sure what else I can do but I am concerned this sort of thing (or worse) can happen again.

I've taken pictures of the writing on the sidewalk as photographic evidence if I ever need it. If this continues would it be appropriate to contact law enforcement?

Thoughts?

take the pictures, get video evidence if you can (installing a camera to observe your front sidewalk) and if the girls do that again, give a written notice to the parents that if such behavior continues you will report it to the authorities. Technically its vandalism of public property and harassment towards your son.

if they do it still, get the authorities involved. There's no need for you to 'go easy' on them because the parents said they'd talk to the girls. If they cant control their kids they'll have to do the explaining to the law not to you.

Nothing gets things done like putting fire under people's asses. Being nice is just an invitation to be stepped on.

I disagree with this. Being nice is an intelligent initial position. It creates the possibility of good relations, which can be worth a lot.

If the other party does not reciprocate, then by all means bring in the law and let them know that you are not to be trifled with.

But give peace a chance. It's a lovely thing when it takes root.

Thanks. If it happens again I will definitely escalate.

Is installing a surveillance camera like that legal, though?

You may want to check the laws in your state. In mine, it is legal to install a surveillance camera as long as it captures images within YOUR property boundaries. For example, you may not install a camera that focusses on the front door of a neighbor's home as that would be considered an invasion of privacy. But you have every right to install a camera that surveillances your own front door, your yard, your driveway etc.

But the laws in your state might vary, so do look them up before you install a camera. If it is allowed, it could be the best thing that you can do to document the harassment & vandalism. Even if these kids apologize to you and your son, it is always a good idea to have those cameras up (if they are legal).

Good luck dealing with these pests. If their parents can't control them, maybe law enforcement will.

Can you 6 year old son read? If not, it doesn't really seem like very excitable bullying.
It's a little hard for me to get excited over "moron" as a level of "bullying" that should involve police action and prison sentences.
Maybe name calling is bullying nowadays, when I was a kid it involved getting beaten down long and hard and the parents and teachers were worse than the kids.

If name calling is the new bullying then wolf-whistling must be the new rape.

These girls are a couple of years older , right? I am assuming they live in the neighborhood or are friends with the family who had the party (or both?) Does your child normally have to interact with them? The reason I ask is because if they do not normally see your child, they will probably focus on someone else to bully, (not that that is good) b/c out of sight/out of mind. They probably won't pop by, just for that, as I doubt they are getting too much of a thrill out of it, if your child does not react in a way that amuses them.

If they are running around in front of your house frequently, and they see your child, the bullying opportunity will be more tempting. That said, the parents seemed to respond in a constructive way, and that might very well kill it. I would still be vigilant b/c the writing in chalk could escalate into actual property damage, or something like that, depending on just how "bad" these kids are.

If they do frequent your block, frequently, I might want to maintain a physical presence outside, if you are not already. Even if it is normally OK to let your kid play out front without supervision, I would stay outside to act as a deterrent. 8-9 year old kids, unless very nasty, won't typically do this kind of thing with adults around.

Edited for clarity:

Hi, thanks. One kid who did it lives in the house, the others were her friends (that I've never seen before.)

We live on the corner of a dead-end street and I do see the girl riding her bike around there sometimes but usually with her parents and brothers (who were no involved.)

No, my son doesn't react to these sort of things at all. In fact most of this seems directed at myself and my wife...no clue why these kids thought it would be funny to pull this sort of thing with adults. I didn't react to the kids at all aside from telling the parents, which I am sure did not "amuse" them very much, though yes,yes I am worried about potential property damage as some sort of childish "revenge." Honestly I do not want to deal with this type of thing and have zero patience for it.

I can't let my son play outside alone anyway as there's the potential he might leave the yard and run off somewhere.

Anyway even if I do get the police involved at some point what can they really do about about a bunch of 9-year-olds.

Edit: I just looked outside and someone cleaned off the sidewalk. I'm hoping this is the end of it.

I agree. This is why I say to talk to the parents first about the incident. If the girls do it again then give them the written notice. If it happens a third time throw the book at them.

The way I see it, if those parents haven't raised/educated their kids to be respectful of others then they will hardly be able to stop them from doing these things again. If you don't put fire on the parent's rear ends (the written notice) those parents will simply keep 'talking' to their kids and nothing comes of it. The one hurting in all that is your kid.



This is the issue. As an adult you cannot do anything but talk to the parents of those kids or to the police. If talking to the parents does nothing you talk to the police and get a police report filed. They will at the very least have an officer talk to the parents about the vandalism and harassment. You can always consult a lawyer on what legal options you have (im not saying to sue them just saying a lawyer will inform you of what you can do per the law). I don't know how it is in your state but in FL you can request a restraining order placed upon a minor if you can prove the minor is being disruptive/harmful.

Ok, if there IS property damage - I am talking broken windows, cut plants, keyed cars - then the police WILL step in and those girls will be in serious trouble, especially if you have the incident(s) captured on tape. But writing on the side walk... I don't know because my own 8-yr-old likes to draw Disney characters on the sidewalk (just outside OUR house, though, not in front of a neighbor's house). It might be illegal, however, to leave messages on the sidewalk with the intent to harass / annoy the neighbors.

That said, it is very unusual for children to try to pick on adults, but I guess it could happen. Do you or your wife react when they walk by, calling names ? I know it would hurt to read those nasty messages on the side walk or to hear them yelling hurtful stuff about your child but I would ignore them if it did happen.

As to what the police can do about this annoyance, again, that depends on state law. In mine, you could possibly get a civil harassment order against someone who continuously stalks you, but the definition of stalking involves "reasonable fear for one's personal safety and the safety of one's property". If you seriously worry about vandalism to your property, and can capture evidence of the girls repeatedly on your property (especially if the images show the girls calling names or writing harassing messages), then you may have a good harassment case on your hands.

However, I would try to resolve this amicably with the parents, first. Good luck.

Last edited by HisMom on 04 May 2014, 12:54 pm, edited 1 time in total.

This is great. I doubt they'll do it again if they had to clean up the mess.

I commiserate with your situation. We had a couple of 8 year olds from DS's class throw rocks at our house last year. A couple of months later, the same kids beat him up at school. So, definitely watch out for escalation.

It sounds likely that the parents took care of it, and hopefully, that is the end of it. It may be the other new "friends" instigated it, and they may be given a shorter leash, now.

I wouldn't let my son play out in the front unwatched either, for the same reason. Some houses are zoned where it is allowed to have fenced -in front yards, so I did not want to presume.

That's horrible...what happened to those kids?

Maybe this is overly optimistic, but if the parents are upset by this behavior, it may be worth trying to educate the kids some, or help the parents do so. Maybe even buy the girl a book explaining autism, or ask the parents if you could all meet together so you could explain it. It's possible that she was even trying to help in her own way - she saw the grass eating and wanted to intervene, but didn't have the nerve to tell you directly. If you could speak with the family, including her, you could explain pica and say that you're glad she's looking out for him, and even ask that if she sees pica when others don't notice it, she could really help out by telling you immediately.

Understanding is the first step of empathy, and if you could get this busy-body girl on your side, she may turn out to be a great ally to your son in the future. Children can be cruel and insensitive, but they can also be kind when they have the right understanding and motivation.

I totally ignored them.

My wife was just outside doing work in the yard and the same girls suddenly kept popping their heads over the fence (they live two doors down) and saying "Hi!" to her then ducking down and giggling.

What's wrong with these kids???

Bad manners, and possibly questionable parenting.