My son feels like a monster... :(

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My ODS isn't like other kids. He was hospitalized 9 times the first 1.5 yrs of his life, because of asthma related issues. I remember performing CPR on him as an infant because he had stopped breathing and was turning blue. As he got older, more problems have emerged. He's been diagnosed with ADHD. Right now, we're exploring a growth hormone issue because he's stopped growing (for the last year). Both his teacher and guidance counselor are suspecting high functioning autism so we're also exploring testing in that arena.

Most of the time he takes stuff like a trooper. He's a really tough kid. But yesterday he had a breaking point. A little girl, who's just a sour puss in general, said some really mean things to him. It really affected him. His teacher handed me a letter that he wrote to this little girl:

Dear N,
Yes, I am a monster. I know I'm different. That I don't think like other kids. I'm sorry that I'm not good enough to be your friend. I wished that I had never been born. I wished I wasn't like this. I wish I didn't make things so hard on my family. I won't try to be your friend any more. I'll just leave you alone.
Signed, ODS

I've cried 3 times since I've read this letter. It just breaks my heart. I can get him all the doctors and therapists in the world. But I can't make a little girl that he likes be his friend. I know that telling him that she isn't worth his time is probably not that comforting to him. But I don't know what else to say.

Any suggestions and resources for starting this journey to get him evaluated for autism would help. When I get a chance, I will be doing some more digging on the forum for ideas.

Your story makes me so sad for your son. It must be so painful for him and everyone who loves him.

I don't know what you can say to make him feel better. I never know if anything I say to my son does any good. What I do know is that I am always grateful when he expresses himself so that we know how he is feeling. I think it's wonderful that he wrote a letter instead of blowing up in some inappropriate way. For issues much smaller than this, I used to have to encourage my son to communicate and tell him that "Mom is a problem solver, but I can't help solve your problem unless you tell me what it is."

With age, my son is understanding social interactions much better, and is more responsive to gentle coaching in these situations with friends. I hope that time will bring the same for your son.

Big hugs for both of you!

I can relate to what he's feeling. What he needs is someone who will be his friend regardless of any disabilities he may have. Just remind him to have faith. I'm sure there's at least one person out of seven billion who would love to be his friend.

Best wishes to you and your son. This is no fun matter. *virtual hug*

First of all, WOW. Amazing way for a kiddo to express himself! As heart-wrenching as the content of that letter is, the fact that he could enunciate those ideas about himself is great. Not to minimize your pain at all because I would totally have cried, too if I was in your shoes.

Is he old enough to understand what ADHD and/or autism are? It sounds like he is really cognizant of his differences but maybe he needs to have a word for them and some understanding of why he thinks differently from most people. It is often suggested here to tell kids about other famous people who think differently, like Bill Gates and Albert Einstein. The social experiences are painful no doubt, but there can definitely be an upside to thinking differently.

Good luck and (((HUGS))) to both you and your son!

Aw, that is absolutely heartbreaking. How old is your son? Because how to help him socially will be really dependent on what is appropriate for his age.

I would start with this part of the letter, "I wished that I had never been born. I wished I wasn't like this. I wish I didn't make things so hard on my family." I would arrange for some special time that you can spend with him, and talk to him about how incredibly glad you are that he was born, how much you love him, and how he doesn't make things hard on his family. If there are certain things that are hard for your family, make a plan to solve them and to reduce everybody's stress. Give him some TLC in whatever form he enjoys. Reassure him about how special and worthwhile he is in every way you can.

I felt like that when I was child too. I felt like a monster, I had an undiagnosed birth defect that wasn't visible from the outside but caused me a lot of psychological suffering. And I was always the shortest person in class with few and at times no friends. I'm so sorry your son is going through this, thankfully as an adult I no longer feel like a monster, quite the opposite. I coped by playing with my cousins whenever possible and indulging myself in my special interests and hobbies.

Wow I know it's been said but that is sad...I remember feeling excluded when I was a kid and I always blamed it on myself. I mean that sort of pain tends to last I hate to say. But it's clear you care about him, so I would say do your best to be supportive, sometimes having at least one person in the world that cares and makes an effort to understand makes a big difference. Anyways even I have a hard time not getting emotional about this.

Maybe extracurriculars unrelated to school so that not all his social eggs are in the school basket?

And the skill I'm really developing is light-touching a variety of groups. I mean, the leaders may not have much fresh energy, the group may be cliqueish, or for a variety of reasons, the group may not work out.

For example, I was in boy scouts for much of my boyhood. From age 11 to 14 (generally), boy scouts did not work out and I did not have friends. From age 14 to 16, boy scouts generally did work out and I did have friends. Well, three years is a heck of a long time to wait while something is not working out. I wish my parents had trusted my judgment call without my having to give a full, official, logical sounding reason why I wanted to pull back from boy scouts. To maybe try it later, or to try something else.

I really feel bad for him.

I would like to give you a different perspective though on one thing.

Yes, your right. Nothing you or any therapist can do will make that girl his friend but...

They can give him the tools so that he can make friends.

This heartbreaking.

I am so sorry your son is going through this. I think a lot of what the PPs have said is really good advice. Maybe you can connect with one of the parents who has a shy child and see if you can help them both to become friends.

Not knowing how old he is, it is hard to provide insight but one thing that may be helpful is knowing that there are successful adults on this forum that have gone through these types of issues and gotten past them. As these persons have shown, it is hard today and maybe tomorrow but the days to come can be rich and rewarding for him.

Sending happy thoughts

Aw thats so sad Poor little guy. To some extent every kid will go through rejection at that age but I can understand it would be more difficult in his situation. I remember similar things when I was younger, Im NT but was painfully shy and quiet! I am not looking forward to when my little girl grows up and I cant help her with things like that. Today we were at an indoor play centre and she accidentally got kicked by an older boy who didnt even say sorry and she said to him as she smiled "its ok I was born to get hurt by others". It breaks my heart to hear her say things like that, shes only 4.

At least you have had this insight, although heart wrenching to read you have a clue as to how he is feeling and what hes thinking and you know that he needs your help, I suppose this is a start! I hope it works out for him x

I don't know how old your boy is, but have you read the children's book "Freak the Might"? The book describes a boy with a terminal illness who is physically small and weak yet precociously intellitnget. It describes a beautiful friendsIp he develops with another outcast. I think there is also a movie of the same title.

My heart goes out to you. Hugs.