Sandy Hook Comparison and my son

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I got a call from my son's vice principal about a discussion another parent had with her about my son. The parent voiced concern about a picture my son posted on Facebook. The parent said her kids showed her the picture and told her that if something like the Sandy Hook incident in Connecticut happened at their school that my son would be the first person they would suspect. The picture is of my son holding a toy, somewhat realistic, looking gun. My son is very non-violent. He has never hurt another living thing. He gets upset when another family member kills an insect or mouse. I have seen plenty of pictures online of other local guys in his age group (17) holding guns posing with the game that they have killed while hunting, but nothing is ever said about that. It's not fair that my son poses with a toy gun and gets profiled as something he is not simply because he has Asperger's.

Does anyone have any similar experiences and/or suggestions that might help me.

This is the problem with society post Newtown shooting. The stigma is out there now, I wouldn't be worried. Does this parent even know you or your son? Try meeting with the parent and explain that your son is non-violent. I think the other parent was simply over reacting without knowing the facts behind the picture.

I see that you are new to the forum.

I've already read far too many stories on this site alone of post Sandy Hook stigmatism than I can handle.

I hate the normal world so much.

Someone on WP posted this article a few days ago: Scapegoating and Autism

Unfortunately there's going to be more of this BS in the near-future. People are stupid and fear-reactive, and those types don't want to be educated. It's a "you can lead a horse to water..." situation. One way we can counteract it is by using social media to voice our opinions.

We have been discussing this, yes. Many of us are concerned about the fallout. I don't even know what to say about the school bothering you with one parent's concern. I hope you did tell them that your son is not the only one with gun (toy or otherwise) photos on Facebook, and that you think the parent and progeny are being bigoted towards your child.

From a practical perspective, I would suggest you tell your child to be extra cautious about posting, saying or doing anything that might be misconstrued. I hope all of this nonsense blows over soon. I know it is not fair to tell your child this, but real life is not fair.

Edited to reflect that your child had a toy gun, not a hunting gun like the other kids. I really do know how to read, honest.

The unfortunate truth is that most people have no idea what an ASD really means. And it's not because they're all as*holes, it's because they have never had the need to know. I'm always surprised by the amount of people I have to educate because they've heard the word autism over and over but have no clue what problems it actually stands for.
So we can get pissed off with everyone for not understanding, like my sons dad, and teach our kids that the whole word is out to get them, or we can choose to educate. I find people are very receptive to this. Every action counts, every extra person we educate means a more accepting world for someone with autism.

Thank goodness I am not in school. I am so glad none of the shootings were blamed on autism back then when they would happen. Instead it was being a victim of bullying that was the blame. I wasn't being bullied anymore so the stigma didn't get attached to me. First time I heard of a school shooting was in March 1998 and nothing was blamed on the incident. They didn't say "Oh these two boys were loners and were victims of bullying" "They may have had autism because they were loners and had no friends." But when I heard about the Littleton incident a year later, I read that they were victims of bullying. Then every time I would hear about a school shooting, it was always because they were bullied victims. Now it's "They may have been autistic. They were quiet and sweet kids and loners." Now Adam Lanza is speculated to have been diagnosed with it and it's all hearsay I have heard and read. Now is every shooter going to have diagnosed autism now?

Sethan, you might want to consult a lawyer, as the vice-principal's actions could be a form of disability-based discrimination and harassment.

It sure seems that way to me.

I could see concern if he was posing in a "threatening manner," but even then, Asperger's has nothing to do with that. Is the person complaining privy to your son's condition? I would have brought up the point about hunting and added that there are teens posing with AirSoft guns pointed at each other's heads and simulating "enhanced interrogation techniques" among other things, but nobody whines about that (and they probably shouldn't either). Boys will be boys and boys love their guns (real or not). I have the same concerns about my nephew and his intense love of pretending to be a soldier (he's 9 and likes his tactical knives and toy guns). I could totally see some puritanical nut blowing a gasket over that...

Parents here started writing up a response on this thread, maybe some of the ideas discussed there will be helpful to you: http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt218287.html

Thanks to everyone for their replies! I don't know how I am going to handle this. I spent the weekend thinking about it and I am MAD! The vice principle said she doesn't know the parent that made the comment to her. I'm sure the parent does know my son has Asperger's, it is known throughout the school. If anyone has any suggestions I would love to hear them. Thank you!

Not a suggestion but I am flabbergasted that a vice principal would relay these thoughts from a parent he does not even know the name of. Of course he could be making that up because he does not want to possibly confront the parent, but if it is true that is astounding.

I think it's not unreasonable to request that the school work on disability awareness in general, as it sounds like they aren't doing their job in this area. I would also go up the ladder and report this to whoever is in charge of special needs kids in your school district, not in a complaining way, but in a concerned way - that the district may be experiencing fallout from Sandy Hook and you are concerned about not only the rights of your own child, but all the other children who may be unfairly profiled by parents or even school staff. Ask THEM for a disability awareness campaign.

Here's some resources:
http://nichcy.org/disability/specific/autism#parents
http://www.specialedu.ips.k12.in.us/index.php?id=11276

Maybe buy a couple copies of this book and give them to the vice-principal - ask that the parent who made the accusation get one: http://www.amazon.com/The-Autism-Accept ... im_sbs_b_1 (For the record, I haven't read this one but friends have recommended it.)

Momsparky, thank you! Those are all wonderful ideas! I will be calling the district head of Special Ed. today.

MomSparky probably has the best idea, from a fairness perspective.

I hate to think that we're coming down to a world where it's all sue, sue, sue. I will tell you a story. When my daughter started kindergarten, we had just moved to the Bible Belt. I was wondering if I needed to take off my pentacle and scrape the COEXIST sticker off my car in the interest of survival. I went to the school to talk to the principal to find out if bullying the child of the witch would be tolerated.

As soon as I said, "I'm Pagan," the poor woman turned white as the driven snow. Dumb Aspie, I smiled and said, "It's OK; I'm not litigious." The relief in that room was absolutely palpable. She was very good to me and my family after that.

Threatening them with legal action might be the only thing there really is to do. We really might have come to that. But I hope not. Please remember that the reason they're profiling in the first place is that they're afraid-- and, as much as I would like to think it's an altruistic fear, it's mostly fear of getting sued. Stack more fear on top of that-- it might be your best weapon, and it might be all hell breaks loose.

So-- I don't have a whole lot of hope for you. Sadly, I have to say I'd recommend you teach your kid that he must be three times as good, three times as careful, three times as quiet as everyone else. But-- from the hope I don't have-- please-- carrot first. Stick as last resort.