Questions about my son's Progress Report

Post Reply New Topic

I received my 4 year old ASD son's progress report and the words that the teacher threw out a lot was lacks focus unless it's something he wants to do, self directed, low impulse control, oppositional (he will cry and lay on the ground when he doesn't get his way). They also say that he will only play with the other kids in a structured game.

Regarding the oppositional behaviors, it seems my son has just learned he can say No and No Way. He also uses it quiet often and sometimes tries to make the appropriate face that goes with it, but since he is a softie at heart, it's in no way threatening. I am surprised that since he has finally started showing assertiveness that it could be viewed in any way but positive.

I do know that he does lack focus when he is not interested, such as pulling up his pants after he uses the bathroom or that he has a low tolerance because he does get frustrated because he cannot button, line up the zipper, etc on his close. He is able do other things and is learning so I was never worried but somehow when I see it on the Progress report, I take it as a criticism.

He is going to a special pre-school. I wrote his teacher a note asking him to ask my son if he needs a break when they see that they are losing his attention. They can then give him a preferred toy to play with for a few minutes.

Does anyone have any advice for my that I can pass on to the teacher or even use at home. I have no behavioral issues with him at home and we do focus a lot on self help skills. But, everything takes time so I am not worried that he is not able to do everything now. But I was floored when I read "oppositional" and I just don't see that in him.

Oppositional is a loaded word. We get "non-compliant" on our reports, which IMO is much better. "Oppositional," I believe, implies that the non-compliance is intentional. Non-compliance is more neutral and includes not having the skill-sets, ability or comprehension to comply. I would try to get them to clarify what they mean by "oppositional" so that they, hopefully, can correct the phrasing.

Frontal lobe development delays and resultant impulse control, difficulties managing frustration and other emotions et al are all contributors to non-compliance. We have that in spades right now. Getting your child to identify his emotions is the first step. We have made some progress on that front. The next step is to try to get him to understand that he has the power to work on this to improve his skills. We have not made much progress there and I do not know if biology/neurology is our limiting factor and we need more maturity from him. That said, I try to coach him in what he should do the best I can. Sometimes he does better than other times, depending on his stress level that day.

Try not to take it to heart. On these reports, tehy HAVE to focus on the negative or the state, county, etc...will say," This kid is doing great they dont need services!" amd thats the LAST thing we want! Usually my son's teahers would tell me not to get discouraged that they had to focus on the negative. One year he did awesome, and the teacher still worte about the issues he had the BEGINNING of the year, casue she didnt want him to lose services, being that he only just started to improve. They just do what has to be done.

It is so hard to read in black and white the issues our kids are having. My son just got an OT report, and 90% of it was weaknesses, what he cant do, what he struggles with, etc...even being thru this since BIRTH with him (cleft palate related), it stil struck a nerve that he has so many issues. But again, I remember thats just what they have to focus on, there is sooo much more to my son then his defecits, etc...

hang in there! if it really bothers you then have a meeting with the teacher.

When my son finally learned that he could use the word "No" to disagree with someone he was something like 3 1/2. He learned how to say the word when he was 24-26 months old, but he never thought to use it to argue. He only used it in direct answer to questions. Do you want juice? No. Do you want milk? Noooo-ooooo. (which meant yes, he couldn't say the word yes until he was closer to three). I honestly have no idea how long it would have taken him to figure out arguing by himself, but his 15 months younger brother started the terrible two's at about 13 months old complete with arguing and "oppositional behavior". Eventually the older one picked up that he could get attention or even get out of doing something he didn't like by using that No word.

I mean this kid was 3 1/2 and had never argued or stood up for himself once, and the first time he used No on the teachers do you think they were proud of him developing a sense of self? Not even a little bit. He didn't even do it very often. He was still the sweetest little kid you ever met, but all I'd hear when I picked him up was

Them: Your kid was oppositional today. (then they'd list whatever happened, which was always incredibly frivolous, like he didn't want to drink his juice box and said no a few times, which they had then sometimes escalated to an ultimatum on their part, and he had continued to say no.)
Me: Isn't it great that he finally understands that he has choices in what happens to him?
Them: *splutter, splutter*

I'm pretty sure I threw a little party for him the first time he said no with that intent behind it. For a long time afterward I made sure I was very careful with my reactions to it, because I /wanted/ him to stand up for himself. I would stop and think to see if what he was arguing for was reasonable or not. A lot of little kid things are fairly reasonable. Maybe it was that he really didn't want to wear the blue shirt that day. He was in the mood for red. The only way he had of saying that was No! and getting the red shirt.

They were never interested in thinking about things at the developmental preschool. They were always too busy "handling" the kids to actually pay attention to them. I moved him back to his old family based daycare with his brother not long after this started and went back to outpatient therapy sessions where he was always 1:1.

Are you sure the teacher is not mistaking something like real sensory issues or stress overload for not getting his way when he lays down on the floor crying....to me especially with an autistic child that seems like it could very well be sensory or stress overload not so much about the fact he didn't get his way. I don't know I had teachers make those kind of quick judgements about me as a child and it usually wasn't accurate. If I was crying and not cooperating it was due to being in distress not throwing a fit for not getting my way...but when the teacher veiws it that way, they treat it that way and well quite frankly it can be a little bit damaging.

Also it is easier to focus on intresting things, sometimes the mind wanders when its not being actively engaged...not so sure that can really be helped. I had that sort of issue except I still did fine on the tests and school work so they couldn't really demand that I pay better attenion since they realised I must be getting the information. I don't know I personally think it would be best if teachers were somewhat educated about kids with mental conditions like autism so they don't make so many potentially inaccurate assumptions about behavior.

I just know I felt like I was always getting in trouble as a kid for things I wasn't trying to do or couldn't help or didn't understand, like I did not understand why I was expected to withstand sensory issues when it was so unpleasant, or why people seemed so uncaring about the fact I was really not doing well with it...or where certain accusations came from. So perhaps the teacher needs more understanding of autism....if any of the things she said are concerning to you have you tried asking him about it to see what he thinks about it?

I would have been nice if they told you that in advance...lol. Thats what they did to me. They said he hasnt had these issues for months, and actually my son was at that point the best behaved in the class...but in order to continue the services they had to play on the issues, and leave the rest out. I am was fine with it. I can imagine I would have panicked if I got the report and no explination though!

GEEZ the things we go thru with our kiddos. I have to say it gets easier as they get older. I now get ANGRY if the report is too good casue I know he will lose servies. He is prob going to lose speech at the end of the year, and even though he only gets it for artic due to the cleft palate, I still would rather him get it longer!

glad they cleared it up for you.

That is great news. It is good that they want to give your child what he needs.