regressing at secondary school

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My son 14 years has failed all his pre (mock) state exams, secondary school has been very difficult for him. Initially he could not settle in school refusal, anxiety levels through the roof, stress,bullied, upset etc. He is now in his 3rd year he seem to have settle this year as in not refusing to go to school anxiety levels ok stress under control etc. Academically he is very bright no issues there until now failed most of his exams just passed the exams you would expect him to ace.

I know he was finding school, homework, study too much, he didn't put much study in but regardless he should have passed his exams. He now see's himself as a failure he has the state exam in June. The school are not helpful I had to fight very hard for the support he has now, last year we were meeting the school regularly every 8 weeks this year the meetings were cancelled the department of education officer informed me last year that she would not be available this year.

As the school were not in contact and had promise to do so I thought all was ok, my son had reassured me he was on top of things. He has even come off his medication and been doing good. Wondering if him not taking medication would account for how poorly he has done he stopped his medication 2 months ago? He had other school exams Christmas time and did good. I am very concerned as his state exams are only 3 months away? I know his results will have a knock on effect and am hoping that we don't return to how things were 2 years ago it was a nightmare. Any suggestion on how I can help him thanks

Have you talked all this through with him? You need to get to the root cause, and I'd be interested in knowing his perspective as a way to help with that.

I know it is hard because (a) boys this age aren't comfortable sharing deep thoughts with mom (b) he may not be able to figure it out himself and (c) he is likely to be focused on tangential issues instead of core ones but, still, I think that is where you have to start, if you have not already.

It is what we all fear: regression.

I was concerned about him not studying enough and had raised this issue with him, he felt that he would have no problems and would pass easily. Again taking things literal not helpful his peers telling him that they don't study etc. His teachers and all would agree that he is very bright so his results are shocking!! ! He has been making a lot of big decision lately stating that he wants to give up sports again he is extremely good but that he doesn't like it any more.

I presume adolescences wanting to take control of his life, insisting on stopping medication, we his parents are very happy for him not to be taking medications but also fearful. I will always talk things through might take weeks a sentence at a time but we get there in the end. He now thinks himself a failure, stupid etc. He reassures me that all is ok no bullying at school, anxiety was high because of exams but manageable. He goes to school everyday no problems!! Everything seemed to be going smoothly normal ups and downs of a HFA teenager I am preplexed

Going to brainstorm here:

Has he had to take high stakes exams before? Could it be that he folds under the pressure? Some kids are good at tests, some kids are not, and high stakes tests are a whole different animal from run-of-the-mill ones.

How is his long term memory and ability to acccumulate knowledge? Is he more of a fast learner, maybe, without a lot of long term retention? That is important to know when getting ready for a high stakes test; it can be overcome, but someone like that definitely needs to refresh the knowledge shortly before the test.

What about the time limits? He is now facing a tighter time limit than he has had to face in the past? That could be an issue, too.

If he sees issues with the high stakes testing, that could be hurting his confidence, and when that goes, the rest of school goes with it.

Or the other way around ....

Anyway, good luck with the weeding out process. Not easy.

Just throwing it out there, but hormones could be an issue too. His mind may be on other things...

don't think so maybe, he told me he couldn't be bother too complicated would have to buy presents and all that couldn't deal with it!! !!

My son hates, just hates, the way hormones make kids his age act. Middle school was when he decided the other kids were all just nuts, and the problem was hormones. But I noticed answers that talked about result and not feeling, so one day I asked him very specifically if it was that he didn't feel the urges, or if he was suppressing them? The answer: definitely suppressing.

And he wrote a fictional narrative where urges were bad things, and little pills were available to make them go away.

So he definitely feels it all. He just chooses to push it away. Which, I would assume, creates its own issues.

Point being, just because your son says he isn't interested, doesn't mean that he isn't overcome by distracting feelings.

I don't know how far you've dug, so just throwing it out there in case.

Spoke with my son don't think hormones is the issue at the moment! My daughter was helping him with test papers she felt that he knew the answers but wouldn't write them down because he felt they were so easy they had to be wrong. He also couldn't understand why they would ask stupid questions . I always offer to help him but he has decided I am his mother and what would I know I am not a teacher. I would always help him in primary and was aware of his progress now secondary school he wants to be independent I am not as aware. I was hoping the school would inform me when his grades were falling but they didn't. Not sure if this is the only problem he has as he failed all his subjects but hopefully we will sort it out.