Helping 12 year old boy stay on task.

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Hey everybody.....

the short version of my life is, I am the homeschooling mom of a 12-years-old-next-month boy. He shows definite signs of Asperger's but no diagnosis yet. I will be taking a 6 month crash course to get my EMT licence, starting next week. (I feel I have to stress, this is not an option. We are headed for financial ruin if I don't get a real job in a few months.) I will not be able to spend every single second working with him and re-directing him. because I will have to put considerable effort into my own school work. At some point I am going to need him to sit down and work on his work, I have been trying for several months to prepare him to work more independently, with mixed results.

My kid is pretty high-functioning in most areas of his life, but has a couple of issues I need a to address, and quickly. I feel like I have gotten some great help on some life-skills issues already, like avoiding meltdowns and handling routines and chore lists. Now I want to address school-related issues.

The first thing that really worries me is, he does not stay on task. He really hates math, and will not stay on task to finish it. I have tried reducing the number of problems, but I find he needs the practice and repetion to retain his skills. Rewards or threatening withdrawal of privileges don't help at all. About the only thing that works is for me to stay on him constantly, always redirecting him when his mind wanders. As soon as I get involved in something or go into another room, either he spaces out or he starts gearing up for a meltdown. Sometimes he starts a meltdown just form being redirected too many times, or even at the mere thought of math.

So what I am asking is, have any of you had a problem like this? What specific strategies did you use to get through it?

I have some suggestions.

Get some sort of a timer. You could use the timer on the oven if you have to, but there are timers out there specifically made for special needs kids that show with a color how much time is left to do the task. Here's a link for Time Timers:

http://www.soap.com/p/time-timer-8-3001 ... agpspn=pla

Anyways, if you can observe how long he can work on math easily, start out with that time (say five minutes). Explain that the way things will work from now on is that he gets five minutes of work on math, and then five minutes of game time/tv/reading (whatever he likes to do). If this seems to be working, then after a week or so, and adjustment will be made... the time spent working on math will increase, but so will the time spent playing. Your son should learn how to make the adjustments to the timer, so that he is in on the program, learning to self-limit and learning to plan.

For a while, I used to look through my son's math book, find the most colorful and obvious examples of what his work was, and copy it so he had that specific example or rule to look at AS he did his work. You could just paper clip the right page and find a way to keep it open right next to him as he does his problems.

Also, as old as my son is (nearly 17) we find that he tries to do his math homework without READING THE BOOK. He then wonders why he is struggling. Be sure your son gets in the habit of reading HOW to do the problems before he actually does them.

Oh, and when my son was in elementary school, he STRUGGLED through the math program. He had kind teachers, but they thought he wasn't capable and kept him at a low level of math for years. They were also not great teachers... Fast forward to now. He is in Honors Pre-calc, and has about an 85%-90% in the class. He had FANTASTIC teachers in middle school who noticed his skill, and we kept at it with him until he felt proficient. He now loves math.

Oh, sorry -- I probably provided too much information! I hope things start to go well with your son. And good luck with your EMT license!

This sounds like a great idea. I also struggled with math for years. I came near to failing it in elementary school, until I came up with the idea of making a math-notebook to help me process and understand the new concepts, not to mention reviewing them for tests. Then I got to the level of "getting by" but I really was not motivated. When I took Physics in college and saw how it all came together, I got fascinated and started to love math! When the student is ready.....

I also used to have a lot of trouble staying on task. I had a teacher in 2nd grade who started setting a kitchen timer on my desk. For some reason, that kept me focused. My son likes an on-line bomb timer, but since we only have on einternet-connected computer right now (mine) I think I am going to go old-school and get the wind-up one like I had.

I like your idea of a math notebook. That's a great idea. We are trying to do that sort of thing for my son right now, but kind of failing. How did you put your notebook together? How did you make it easy to find certain subjects or rules?

I uses a regular spiral notebook. Nothing fancy. Every time a new concept was introduced, I made a page for it, using diagrams and examples I could understand. If someone explained it in a way that made more sense to me than the book, I wrote it down. I tried to write instructions for each kind of problem as if I was explaining it to someone else. Even to this day, I learn best by taking notes and mashing up the information, making diagrams, tables, glossaries, flash cards, etc.

I tried this with my son, and it was a a big flop. He couldn't get the idea of breaking it down into little steps.

I should note, I had some LD issues as a kid, but I was not aspie or AS. Mostly it just took me FOREVER to grasp new math concepts. But I had very good language skills and somehow stumbled into using that strength to help me overcome my weakness in math.

If you can get your son to draw pictures or make diagrams or something, instead of writing out the steps in words, that might help him.

Wow, at this point we are just barely starting to leave DS at home alone for short periods of time (same age.) All I'm expecting of him at the moment is that he not steal and not take advantage of privileges (and not burn the house down.) I can't imagine expecting an NT twelve-year-old to homeschool himself, much less a special needs kid - although your son does seem to have stepped up in many ways.

What was the reason your son was homeschooled? I can't but wonder if he'd be better off in regular school, if only for a half-day. If there is some reason why the school district can't handle him, you can ask for a tutor at their expense - but you will have to prove that they can't accommodate his needs inside the school building first.

If you figure out a way that works, please post it here - most of us are struggling to get our kids to do any kind of schoolwork.

I did read about a website that requires you to do math problems for a set amount of time in order to access the rest of the internet, which I thought was interesting. http://www.getaftermath.com/site/learnmore

First, I am not asking him to homeschool himself. I just need him to stay on task for a reasonable amount of time while I also study. Constantly having to re-direct him, coach him to do things he could actually do himself, answer questions he already knows, manage him to avoid meltdowns--this is stuff I have been doing all along, but it takes up every single second of my day. If I even leave the room, its as if someone flipped a switch from "focus" to "goof off."

I homeschool by choice--his and mine. There is no way a teacher with a class of 30 kids could do what I do for him every day. He went to kindergarten, and by the end of the year the school wanted medicate him. He also learns better in a more relaxed environment. We go on lots of field trips (one every week or two) and do lots of 4-H projects, which are pretty much like unit studies. We tailor his lessons around stuff he likes, like his trains. There is no bullying, no social politics. It is obvious to me that he is thriving in this environment.

Since you asked, the things that do work for me are:
--Lots of video. Right now he is watching a National Geographic series called "Life in the Freezer" about animals living in Antarctica. We tape videos from the history channel, discovery channel national geographic channel, and so on. I learned about the value of video learning both in college on my own (I took some classes that consisted entirely of a series of videos and a final exam) and from a former boyfriend whose eyesight was so poor he could barely read, but accumulated a huge body of knowledge in history and science form watching documentaries.

--Read aloud. We have done this in various formats. I just read him stories (a big hit!) , I tried to read him American history and ask him to summarize (not successful--he barely retained anything), and his dad just reads him his world-history lessons and has him write down what he says verbatim. I thought this was stupid, until we went on a field trip with his homeschool group and he knew more about the ancient history of Italy than anyone else.

--Re-enforcement. For example, he first learned the story of how the national anthem was written in American History about 3rd grade. When it came up again in Cub Scouts, we went over it again. When we hear it at sporting events or on Independence day, we talk about it again. If he is with a younger cousin or friend, I ask him to tell the story.

--Computer. We have found some great web sites with he loves to use. There is Free Rice.com, which will quiz you on any of a dozen subjects (including math-yea!) and for every right answer you give, they will donate 10 grains of rice to a 3rd-world country. For typing we used a BBC site called DanceMat Typing. He does small modules at the National Park Services site called "Web Rangers." And I let him research his special interest.

--Special interest. I'm sure some special interests are easier to exploit in this way than others. My son is nuts about trains, so most of his writing projects, physical science, geography, and so forth incorporates trains. I was nuts about horses at his age, and in learning about horses, I picked up a considerable amount of knowledge about history, geography, and biology.

--Scouts and 4-H. badges and 4-H projects make great unit studies.

--Field Trips--We live close to Chicago. There are lots of great museums, and by law they all have to offer 52 free days a year. Some are free to homeschoolers. We also do homeschool group, living history events, forest preserve activities, park district actives, and so on.

I don't try to organize things too much, like tying field trips in to whatever we are doing at school. I just go with the flow. We go to whatever museum is free this week or to whatever event sounds like fun.

So Kiddo is amazingly well-educated in history and science--All the stuff that lends itself to out-of-the-house study.

The stuff we actually do at home--math, spelling, and writing--is my problem. Now we are back to the same issues. He won't sit still, won't concentrate. He is behind in writing and spelling, and barely hanging on in Math. His mind wanders. He jumps up and does other stuff. He goes into meltdown mode at the first sign of frustration. I would love to let him watch nature videos all day long, but he does need to do these other subjects, so that is my problem.

I realize it must sound like I am judging you, and for that I am sorry. I am struggling to put myself in your shoes and see things from your perspective, and the only thing I can come up with is that you've made a false assumption about your child's capabilities. This doesn't mean I am right, it's just that I can't see this working another way: meltdowns, off-task behavior, seeking reinforcement for things he knows - all of these strike me as indicators that he is expressing a need for hands-on support, not a wish or hope or want.

You are homeschooling your child expressly so he gets more attention from you - you seem to be aware that he needs attention. You, justifiably, want more time for yourself to meet your own needs. I don't see any kind of "trick" you can use to make his need go away (unless the website thing works - that's all I've got.) Like I said, I don't know many NT 12-year-olds who don't need reinforcement to get through the homework in subjects they struggle with.

I think your son has some really incredible capacities, but those capacities have limits, and from what you describe, this looks like one of them. Specifically, in our household, meltdowns are a benchmark for when we've pushed my son beyond his limits. I don't know you or your son and I am no expert - but from the way you describe this, I don't see another way to get him through Math.

Can your school system do part-time homeschooling, where he goes to school for the subjects that he can't do on his own, but still does the things that work well for you at home? This may give you the flexibility (and much-needed break) that you need. There's lots of resources on IEPs upthread and out there on the internet (Wrightslaw.com is a good place to start) to make sure your child is protected at school, and it may be worth a shot. There are also online tutors available, but they don't seem to be any less expensive than hiring a regular tutor. (High school students maybe?)

haven't had time to read whole thread, but my son used Time4Learning with success. It was cheap, engaging and comprehensive enough. My problem is that the child can't speed ahead with what he does well. They have to wait for all the little videos to teach, which were engaging but a bit slow. My kids did learn a lot and it kept them busy and out of my hair, just kept them busy for too many hours in the day.

Is there a possibility that you will be able to work with him for a short part of the day, and then leave him to do something he really enjoys while you study? Another option, if you could afford it, is to have a tutor work on particular subjects or skills that are harder for you to do. My dd is in school, but is thriving on after-school tutoring a few hours a week rather than doing homework with me, so I would think a college student might be able to come in for an hour or two to give you a chance to study. It's OK to let up a bit on the schooling for a good reason like this; you can pick up the slack at some time when you are available.

This is pretty much what I would like to do. My class is form 6 to 10, 3 nights a week. I work one weeknight and all day on weekends, and the other night I have off. So you would think this would give us plenty of time to do things during the day. Ideally I would like to have him work on Math and Science together with me, and do other things on his own. However, by the time he wakes up, does his morning routine, and settles down to work, half the morning is gone. Then we fight over the math for a while, he does a few problems, and he wants lunch. Then he wants a "break" and he wants to watch TV or play trains or whatever. By now its 1 pm and the math is not done. Before you know it, its 3 pm and his dad is home. Then we can just forget doing anything, because my husband is just SOOOO disruptive. He interrupts, makes jokes, sings, dances...

So the whole day goes by, and the sum total of my accomplishment is that my kid has done maybe 5 math problems. The house is still a disaster. Half the time I am still in my pajamas or workout clothes. I have NOTHING to show for my day.

This brings me back to my original question--how can I get this kid to sit down and DO SOME MATH? I am all about getting him started with each new concept, but he needs to practice. I have tired reducing the number of problems he has to do, but then he doesn't retain the skill. He really, really needs to do a respectable number of problems. He will not do the work without me there to constantly re-direct him, remind him to focus, and on and on. If I am doing that, I can't be studying on my own.

I liked the Time 4 Learning site, but I don't see the repetition any speed drills and so on. Do they have those?

I would suggest that you give up the expectation that he will work independently, and divide your day into blocks -- some for you to work with him, some for your own study, and some for household needs.

How much study time do you need? Could you set aside a study block for yourself before your son gets up, another from 12-1, and another from 3-5 after your husband gets home? Also on the evenings you don't have class.

What's your son's morning routine like? Could you skip the battle to get him dressed (if there is one) and just start on schoolwork after he's eaten? For example his academic blocks could be from 10-12 and 1-3. Are you sure his math is at the right level? My DS would get very difficult to work with whenever the concept was just a bit too hard. For instance I discovered he couldn't work on the concept of 15+6 until he had 5+6 really solid. Have you tried a reward system? Either earning points for every 15 minutes spent on a math game (prizes after 5 or 10 points), or frequent prizes for showing he's memorized a group of math facts or mastered concepts.

I think with the household you're just going to have to let a lot go. Ask your husband to pick up some of the slack, but if he can't or won't, go into survival mode. Food can be cereal, sandwiches, ramen noodles, frozen pizza, store-roasted chicken etc. Clean laundry doesn't need to be folded -- pull clean clothes directly from the basket (with a quick trip back to the dryer or "just in time ironing" for items that absolutely have to be unwrinkled). Tidying up gets reduced to throwing everything into bags and boxes

Also, there may be a good possibility that what you are struggling with is a math-related learning disability, and not just obstinacy. They are just now beginning to study dyscalculia http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dyscalculia (my son was part of a neurological study on it) as a learning disability similar to dyslexia. http://news.medill.northwestern.edu/chi ... ?id=186759

My son will never be able to do "speed math drills." We have tried innumerable different methods to help him learn math facts, and he just can't do it. I am the same - in fact, I changed my career goals from science to language arts because although I (and my son) have real aptitude for math theory, I couldn't get past simple calculation. I thought this article on the two "types" of problems with arithmetic to be enlightening: http://www.ldonline.org/article/5881 (You can see where if you are the 2nd type, who has difficulty choosing the correct option from the multiple possible answers in their head, speed drills would be extraordinarily difficult even if they are capable mathematicians.)

We have let math facts go for the time being, as DS is doing well in math by focusing on things like algebra. DS has it in his IEP that he's allowed a calculator or a written times table. That being said, using the times table rather than his fingers or a calculator does seem to be helping him make inroads on math facts more than any other thing - he has good spatial awareness (outside of his own body) and can remember the LOCATION of the answer and thus figure it out.

Sometimes it is worthwhile to do an end-run around the problem.

My son is alo homeschooled, and can be VERY DIFFICULT to focus as well. what we ave done is this:

First off, the ABA suggested trying a few easy problems that will be fast and successful for him, then put ONE problem at the end that is at the level he shoudl be working at. SO, for my son, maybe 3 addittion problems, then one multiplication.

Another strategy that really ahs helped a ton, is doing a few math problems. Then switching to ELA. Do a few ELA sentences, then switch to spelling. Do a few words, then back to math. A few more math problems, thn switch again. This switching has worked the best for him. Because he doesnt get overwhemled with 20 math problems in a ro, and 10 ELA sentences, etc...he is more apt to pay attention. DOnt get me wrong, he is still difficult to focus, but this idea has helped.

My son also loves Time4Learning. He loves any type of computer learning.

We do a lot of reading, library books, library research, etc... but for things like math, sometimes they just have to do worksheets.

good luck!

My son is 11 and in 6th grade.

He cannot do his homework alone.

Period.

And I would say that math is definitely the worst for him. He has NVLD, so that is to be expected. That coupled with his ADHD makes independent studying fall in the pile of "wishful thinking."

Believe me, I wish he would. I am a single mother who works full-time. And many evenings, I have my own work I need to be attending to.

He is a very compliant, considerate kid and he would love to be able to do it on his own, but he simply can't. I don't think he is at that point in his development yet. What I have found is that me expecting him to do something he simply cannot yet do only causes problems. It frustrates both of us and damages his self-esteem.

I like Zette's idea about doing things in "blocks" so that you can do math at the times when you can focus on him and he can focus on the work. At some point, it will probably "click" for him and you won't have to worry about it anymore, but until then I think you will have to work within the constraints of his abilities.

I also like the suggestion of the Time Timer. It was the first thing that I thought of when I read your OP. Start where he is able to work and then very gradually work your way upward. Just be sensitive to the fact that for many of us on the spectrum or with related issues, it has nothing to do with motivation or lack thereof, and the things that would help an NT kid "get with the program" will be of little use and may actually be harmful.

Good luck.

Well, I made up a little schedule with blocks, so when he is doing math I can do dishes or something else non-demanding, and when he is doing independent study on the computer, I can be in my books. It seems like it should work. We got a late start this morning, but we are still trying to do things in order.

But now I have a different problem--he is completely resisting the schedule! He wants to be contrary about everything. He does not what to eat breakfast food for breakfast, he wants what I have prepared for dinner. He doesn't want to do his work, he wants to look at videos on line and play in the snow. I let him watch educational TV while he rides an exercise bike (too snowy for real biking!) but he wants Sponge Bob. He is being oppositional in every way possible.

When we finally got down to the math, first he started crying (big fake crying, the kind he does when he wants to get out of something) and saying he had already done enough problems and he hated the repetition. So I told him he could do the test at the end of the chapter and then if he didn't know something he could go back to it. Sure enough, he didn't know the part that he had not practiced on. So I told him to go back and finish that page, because he needed practice. This lead to 20 minutes of opposition and crying, about how he isn't good at math and so will never be good at anything, he doesn't want to do anything with his life, blah, blah, blah. He finally did the page I wanted him to do in the first place, and it took him about 10 minutes. Now he is outside playing trains in the snow.

It is now 1:27 pm and I am exhausted. I wish I could go to work and fight a big stubborn horse through the city streets, but there is a storm today and there will be no work.

He Is now complaining that ever since he came back from his last Boyscout trip, life is boring; there is no excitement, everything is dull and uninteresting. He wants to know why every day cant be just as exciting as the trip to Eagle Cave. I feel like saying "most of life is pretty damn boring, just get over it!" I think I do a pretty good job of arranging trips and outings to keep his interest, as well as scouting out good educational videos and so forth. I do my very best to keep him engaged in school. Its not as if we sit around and do worksheets all day long. But honestly, you have to practice some time. Nobody grasps a new concept in math by doing 5 problems (well, maybe Stephen Hawking, but nobody I know!).

SOOOOOOO frustrated! (But I did get to study for an hour!)