School District Pushing In-home Training

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The school district keeps pushing in-home parent training. We have no desire for this at all. I am trying to figure out what the deal is with this. My son has a myriad of behavioral issues at school and I know that they think I am too lenient with my son (I don't hit in a very pro-hitting locale, for one thing) Honestly, as I keep trying to explain to them, he does not act the way he does at home as he does at school, because he is comfortable at home, and does not have kids to contend with and the tons of other things that make school hard for him.

It has taken me a long time to get things to work well-enough at home, and I am not going to turn things upside down here. I don't mind at all making social stories and talking with him about things and coming up with play scenarios, but I really resent the implication that I do not know what I am doing, when it is clear to me that they definitely don't.

I guess I do not have any questions other than has anyone had to deal with this? Are they looking for things to blame me for? What is the deal?

Edited to add the "parent" part because I was not clear in the post initially. Also edited to add this is not something they can make me do. It is just annoying and frankly insulting that it is brought up so much.

Last edited by ASDMommyASDKid on 13 Mar 2013, 12:19 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I can't speak for the aims of the school system, however I do have some rather strong feelings about the public school system in general. In short, I would avoid it at all costs and home school. I survived the torture that was called public education, but it has left me with a undieing bitter hatred of the system and all who promote it. The education is substandard and the social structure is nothing less than pure hell on earth. For your child's sake, I can only recommend home school, or perhaps a carefully selected private school. I have been told that there are some good ones to be found, especially in the more metropolitan areas.
I wish I could help you more than this. Good luck.

How about send them my way...lol! I could use some in home work.

no advice, the district is fairly useless for my son's situation. He is homeschooled but gets speech and OT thru the district.

Have they provided you, in writing, specifics about what they think the in-home training should include? Perhaps you could put them off of the idea for good if you can explain to them how you are already doing the things they think you need to be trained for.

I had a special ed teacher come to my house to work with my son for a few months and it was great for my son. She immediately figured out the potty training issue and gave me so much pointers. I wish I could still get her for a couple hours a week.

I don't know though about your particular situation so you will have to do what feels right to you.

I should have put it in the original post--The In-Home Training is PARENT training, so it would be telling me what to do, not helping my son.

They can't make me do it, so I don't have to get anything in writing from them. It just pisses me off that that is the first thing the district goes to whenever I say my son needs help in something or the school asks the district for guidance. Then the school gets on my case about it because that is apparently the preferred type of support from the district.

What type of training is this? ABA? Wraparound? Tabletime? Floortime? Has there been any assertion that his behavior in school is disruptive or dangerous to others and may lead to his expulsion? I wonder if they are afraid of how you'll react in a confrontational situation. I'd be calling an advocate to get their advice and have them sit in on any future meetings with the school.

It is not ABA or any training for my child. It would be parental training ---I would guess to show me how to be more strict and for me to reinforce whatever behaviors they expect from him at school. Probably to add more structure and discipline and that kind of thing. I don't really know, and I am not going to do it. My son is calm (for the most part) at home, and at school he is stressed out. Why would I want to bring those same problems home?

They cannot make me do it. It is just annoying that that is the "solution" they like to bring up. The issues my son has at school are because his social skills are really bad. They do not want to give him social training b/c that costs $$$, but they want to spend money to send someone out to observe my parenting and tell me to change what I do. Maybe they have a Federal grant or something they are trying to use up. Ha Ha. I have no idea. it is just exasperating because the problems he is having have to do with interaction with children my son does not understand and school personnel that frankly don't understand ASD and could use the training themselves.

It apparently is not a common issue people are having with the schools, which is interesting to me, also.

I haven't ever heard of a school district trying to push parent training on a family before. As you say, that seems like such an odd thing to offer up as a solution to problems he is having at school. I'm with you that their own personnel are the ones that could probably do with the training.

I would ask more about what they really mean, because I don't think you are clear on it. You are saying things like "I would guess to show me how to be more more strict." You won't know if that is what it is until you ask, and even if you allowed them to start, I am sure you would be able to stop at any time.

Some of my initial services for my daughter included "parent training." I personally found it very helpful and never felt like anything was ever forced on me. In some ways it functioned much like this board. I would tell them an issue, and we would talk about potential things to try. They sometimes gave me a perspective that I had never considered before, and it worked. I took what was useful and left what wasn't.

I should note my daughter was 2-3 at the time, not school age.

They specifically said to observe what we are doing and get things more aligned with what is going on at school. it is for their benefit not mine. It is not like EI home training. It is not to help me with home issues other than those that may overlap with school issues.

Even if it is not for your benefit, do you think it is possible that it could benefit your son over all? Do you know what would happen if you said you would give it a try and then just stopped if it was counterproductive? At least then you could say that you tried it, but it wasn't helping...

Personally I'd pull him out of the public school. Have you looked around at any private schools for him or have you considered homeschooling?

I am probably going to have to home school at some point. Right now even though he is stressed, my son still likes school. Also, I have access to ST and OT (and other kids for him to attempt to socialize with) which I will not have if I home school. My state does not give any services for free unless the child is enrolled in public school.

I am trying to ride it out, for awhile.

I live where even if we could afford it there is nothing in a reasonable radius as far as appropriate private schools go, anyway.

I had parent training and it turned out to be a really great thing. There were minor subtle things that the therapist showed me how to tweak at home. When I did, it created a soothing continuity between home and school for my daughter. It wasn't that I was raising her wrong and they aren't saying that about you either. But it gave me an opportunity to have some things at home be similar to how they were at school which made the transition between the two enviroments be less jarring for her.* For example, I adopted a PECS schedule (that I no longer use since this was years ago) that was similar to the one they used. This wasn't a profound change. It was a change in form rather than function. But it provided a soothing continuity between home and school.

I have no idea what they would be suggesting for you. It may be unique to each school and even each family. But they can't actually make you implement any of their suggestions so you can just ignore whatever you don't think will work.


*Her specific issues were related to transitions.

I so get what you mean. All along, whenever I have said how awful my daughter's behaviour is, they keep bringing up a parent training course called Time Out. It supposedly teaches you what to do to deal with your child's behaviour, as if implying that you have not already tried every technique and strategy known to man over the years, and that you are in some way failing and clueless as a parent. Nothing you do is going to stop your child misbehaving, granted that there could be some parents who inadvertently make things worse by doing the wrong thing, but it's not the parent instigating the child's behaviour and they are generalising and assuming a lot. I too find it highly insulting. Even worse, is the stupid paediatrician and GP who stated to my face that it was more about how I was coping with the behaviour, basically saying that I had crap coping skills. It has always been my daughter's needs I have put first, to my own detriment and when I see her in distress because of the issues her HFA gives her and they won't help, when all I want to do is to get her the help, to be told I am failing in being unable to cope is pathetic. Of course it's very difficult to cope, it would be for anyone. We deal with stress levels equivalent to soldiers in combat:

http://www.abilitypath.org/love-laugh-- ... diers.html



...which I've been doing for eleven years now, having two children on the spectrum - as well as being on the spectrum myself.

And they think that going on a parenting course will solve everything, yeah right.