My 28 year old brother

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So I have a 28 year old brother who's not diagnosed with AS but he does face very similar problems like many people I've seen posting here in several threads (either in the parenting or the work section of this forum). That's why I hope somebody could give me an advice.

My brother was a quiet, shy but nice kid when he was in school, he had friends but that changed drastically when he went to college. He couldn't keep in contact anymore with his old friends and he wasn't able to make any friends in college whatsoever. He was gradually becoming socially isolated. Even when he tried out new activities, he wasn't able to make friends or keep any social contact going. I'm almost sure he has an undiagnosed learning disability (probably dyslexia) which is why, at least, partially he always struggled with his grades but entering college, he got by okay (and in some areas like maths even well). Nonetheless he didn't end up with a degree because of some financial problems his college was facing and he didn't try to switch his degree to something else in the same field of study.

So he ended up unemployed and without a degree. That's when he started searching for work for roughly a year. He only got rejection after rejection and only managed to get one internship. That's why we suggested he might enroll himself again in another faculty, and either get a degree or some skills and he may have more luck with searching for jobs. Although that seems to be difficult since he barely has any working experience (except his internship and conscription) and because of his age.

Especially since his unemployment he became depressed, let go of himself, he neglects himself, doesn't care about his appearance anymore. He's constantly emerged in anime, mangas, series,card-games,....etc. and that's all he does absically. Although he does some chores regularly (because we ask him to). He doesn't talk to us about his problems or how we could help him or how he feels,..etc. It's clear to me he's depressed since he's moody sometimes. And because he neglects himself like, e.g. eats for comfort, doesn't groom himself at all or barely. The major problem is that he doesn't want to look for a job, doesn't seem to be interested in working at all. I don't know if he's afraid or believes nobody would hire him or what but no matter how often we ask him to search and apply for a job, he doesn't do it. We have told him if he needs to move for a job or studying, we'd help financially. He once asked me to search for jobs for him but I don't know if he's unable to do it and if so why or lazy...I don't know. I have issues myself although I seem to be a little bit more functioning or had more luck than him.

I'm really not sure why he's that way but it pains me to see and we're just not sure how to go about this. We hope that if he starts to apply for jobs in the near future he'd get one but he doesn't even search. Does anybody have an advice?

Therapy so he can get an official diagnosis of his issues and learn how to cope. Sounds like he's depressed and has given up on trying. That's a hard place to pull yourself out of.

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Is that all one can do?
I fear we could hurt him more if we suggest he go to therapy. Isn't there something else?

Therapy may be what he needs. Other from that, I would try to give him things to do that make him feel useful and successful. What that could be I do not know. Does he have special interests that would lend themselves to constructive projects?

Depression is serious in and of itself, and a major detriment to getting a job. From what you wrote, I couldn't be certain about anything about your brother other than that he is depressed. Hopefully, if there are other issues underlying the depression, those would come out in treatment.

For this reason, I think the above two posters are right.

Here are two articles from fairly reliable sources on helping a family member to seek help with depression:
http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/depression/MH00016
http://www.webmd.com/depression/getting ... depressed#

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Thank you all.
I see.
His only interests seem to video/pc games (only playing), reading fantasy fiction, comics, mangas, watching animes and series. That's about it. At the moment, he attends university classes everyday but if he stops....
If the situation gets worse, i.e. obtains a degree or just drops out but both outcomes without efforts to seek for employment, I may try that but I fear he might get hurt if I suggest he go seek treatment.

His university ought to have resources - both guidance for a job and also mental health resources. You could perhaps do the research for him and find out where those things are/how to access them; they probably have pamphlets you can leave where he can find them.

Mayel, I already put these writings on here and people like momsparky reviewed these things with me and showed me where some of my thinking is flawed.

I decided to collate what I have written and put it on this blog. This may be along the lines of what he is thinking.

http://whyifailedinamerica.wordpress.com/

I would love for what I have written to be reviewed by parents of children on the autism spectrum. This doesn't mean their children are thinking everything I am thinking but maybe this will give the underlying thought process to parents. For me, I am still struggling with some of this.

It is good that he is attending Uni classes. That should at least stop he from sulking all the time. If he is interested in comic books, would he be interested in writing and or illustrating his own? That might give him something to be excited about. He might even post something at his Uni for a partner, maybe he can illustrate and someone else could write...

That is hard & I understand your reluctance to bring the subject up with him.

What I see is this. He is not doing very well establishing a full life for himself.

What is the problem, or problems?

You don't really know. So you have to explore the options (or actually try and get him to explore them). Is it motivational, emotional, or are there mental diasbilities involved ? That is is not really average person stuff to determine, so some sort of councilor might be the best place to start. It might be a councilor at school (if they have any good ones) or perhaps one in private practice. He doesn't have to go in assuming its a mental disability. That's part of what you are trying to find out. Because if there are mental components, standard processes may not work and he may just be spinning his wheels.