AS parent, NT child - advice?

Post Reply New Topic

I've recently come to realize that I probably have AS (hoping to get a diagnosis in the near future). My husband is NT, and I'm also pretty sure that our daughter is NT. I was wondering if anybody has any advice about being an AS parent with an NT child.

I've read Playful Parenting by Lawrence Cohen, and I think it's a great book. I'm trying really hard to put the ideas into practice, but it just doesn't come naturally to me. I also read The Daily Groove, and again it's a great source of inspiration, but I struggle to make practical use of it. I'm especially finding it hard to connect with her now that she's becoming a complicated and independent little person (it was so much easier when she was a baby and I saw her as an extension of myself).

First don't see it as them and you , as for parenting advice I guess paying more attention to your daughters behaviour and parenting books, and stages of female emotional life and how to approach them kind of stuff - lets put it this way even an NT mother can be useless as 3 short planks if she don't bother with parenting books - normaly get the down the road blaming the child kinda stuff - just the picking up on stuff you can go to social class's stuff to learn to adapt your other abilitys to help you understand what your daughter is putting out - but then I am sure most parents are confused with they daughter as they don't bother getting them or taking the time to understand, Don't know how old your daughter is


http://www.amazon.com/Youre-Wearing-Tha ... 1400062586

http://www.amazon.com/Books-about-child ... 55-2831654

how old is your daughter??

Thanks for the replies. My daughter is 3 and a half, btw.

I've definitely read lots of parenting books, especially on the subject of attachment parenting, positive discipline, and communication. Here are some of the books I've found helpful:

The Happiest Baby on the Block by Harvey Karp
The Happiest Toddler on the Block by Harvey Karp
The Discipline Book by Dr. Sears
Playful Parenting by Lawrence Cohen
How to Talk so Kids Will Listen and Listen so Kids Will Talk by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish

I've also found articles by Alfie Kohn very helpful. (I haven't read any of his books, but I'm planning to)

All of these books and articles have given me good parenting goals, but I'm having trouble trying to live up to them. I think the single most difficult thing for me is to try to see things from my daughter's perspective. Unfortunately, that's also a pretty central concept in the things I've read.

I think the second most difficult thing is forgiving myself when I make mistakes. I know there's no such thing as a perfect parent, but when I don't live up to my goals, I feel like I've totally failed. I lose patience with myself, which makes it harder to be patient with my little mobile chaos generator. "The Daily Groove" has been pretty helpful in that respect. It's given me some enlightening ideas to meditate on, and I think I'm slowly working them into my perspective and adjusting my attitude.

I wish I had a magical answer to give you. Don't take everything you read in the books for absolute truth. I do like the Karp books BTW, not the toddler one as much as the baby one but I still found some parts of it useful. But anyway, back on topic. No 3 year old is easy, no matter who the parent. The best advice I can give you is to just play with your daughter. Most kids that age are just thrilled to have your undivided attention. Just working a puzzle with them or coloring with them, things like that. Whatever it is she likes. Most all kids seem to just want love and attention. There will always be those times when we ALL mess up with our kids. Tell them you are sorry and give them a hug and just do the best you can do. Your child is a gift from God and he wouldn't have given you this gift if you weren't the best person for it! When she is older of course you can explain to her about your AS and hopefully she understands! I Hopefully I have helped you even if it is just a little bit, and of course I am no expert, ask my kids! I mess up all the time too!

I'm an Aspie parent of an NT child as well (who is currently sitting on the back of my couch with a light saber watching Star Wars He's 4. I am having a very hard time coping, and I also have the problem of not being able to forgive myself over very forgiveable things. I want to check out this Daily Groove you reccomend. I also like "How to behave so your kids will too".
I'm a single mom so it's extra challenging. I feel your pain, fellow Aspie mommy!

Thanks everybody for your support and suggestions!

Is that a book? I found some books with similar titles by Sal Severe on Amazon. Are those the right ones?

Also, about The Daily Groove, I linked to it in my first post if you want to check it out.

Sorry it's "children" How to behave so your children will too" By that Sal person you mentioned.

I'm an NT parent of NT Children. And I still feel like a lug nut when it comes to being a parent. I liked Dr. Dobson and parenting magazines and talking to parents who's children have grown up and are doing well, and I also like talking to their adult children. I've learned more from them than from any book or article. And even so, I've been confused,perplexed, hurt, but also very, very rewarded. My kids are now adults and doing well. My best advice......ENJOY YOUR CHILDREN, CELEBRATE WHO THEY ARE. AND BE CONSISTANT AND SUPPORTIVE OF THEIR HOBBIES. (School stuff expecally) Don't allow bratty rude behavior, they won't be happy. So if they get annoyed at you for discipline...then so be it. My kids have been mortified at some of the behavior they've seen others do, and I then remember the times when I felt like I was the enemy because yeah...I was strict and protective, SO WHAT, if I wasn't then my kids would have truned out like those kids my children were mortified at. My mistakes....I should have done more with them, should have turned the T.V off more and played more, involved them more with whatever was going on, I should have corrected some of the rude comments with..."Ok now tell me in a more polite way what your grievence is," and not waited till they were in their teens to do that. I was an example though, when my husband and I went anywhere they knew the phone number and address of where we could be reached...NOT just cell phone. They also knew when we would be home, and we'd call if we were running late. I don't believe in "Do as I say not as I do". You are on a good path, but you do like the rest of us...beat yourself up. If I had it to do all over again, and corrected my mistakes, I'm sure I'd look back, and want to correct more mistakes. Goes with being a parent.

The important thing to remember is that none of us are perfect and that we just need to do the best we can and hope for the best.

I think my 4 year old hates living with me. I make a lot of mistakes in public, as my parents never really took me out in public situations and most of my friends don't have kids, or are married and share responsibilities at outings. We went to an Aspergers get- together last night, and I met an NT parent of an Aspie, and I felt weird because my son has to cope with what she's coping with from ME. he is constantly saying how he wants to go back to live with his grandma, or he wishes I would marry someone so he could have someone to take care of him and me when he's here. He's not here with me all that often, but he gets frustrated with me quickly. HELP!

I'm in your boat, except that my NT daughter is now 12. Not only that, but she is Popular. It is fascinating to see her in action (say, in long conference calls with her friends) -- it's a world that I never had as a kid.

Be prepared for being Uncool -- not now, but some years down the road. However, I think that every mother of a 12-year-old daughter is Uncool. You have to have a sense of humor, but again this applies to any parent.

Also, let her know that people's minds work differently. For example, I have explained to her that some people learn by talking things out (audio learners), some learn by reading (visual), and some learn through touching (tactical). Similarly, you may have trouble with social skills (or whatever), but you are very good in something else.


Diversity is more than just celebrating African Americans and Asians. It's about differences in what makes people tick. That is an invaluable lesson for any kid to lear.

Good luck.