Did she not care much?

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My grandmother (her name was Audrey) died of breast cancer when I was 7 years old in 1997 aged 67 and I was very close to her.

My grandmother met a man called Trevor (who was only interested in my grandmother cause he wanted a roof over his head) after my grandfather died in 1991 of cancer.

My mum said in regards too my grandmothers attitude towards me and my brother "Trevor had to persuade Audrey to make an effort when it came to looking after the kids from time to time" and I asked my mum why this was the case and she said "because u and Johnathan were not her kids so why should she have to have the responsibility of babysitting the two of you"

My grandma had raised 3 badly behaved boys (my dad and his 2 brothers) and had to care for grandad who got ill towards the end.

Do you think my grandmother did not care much about me and my brother given that she had to be talked into babysitting us? My grandma was the type of lady who loved ballroom dancing and travelling with her friends around the world. On top of all that she was very ECENTRIC.

I would not say that, necessarily. I do not think you can know. Some people just do not like to babysit. You can love someone and not want to deal with the day-to-day taking care of someone. In the olden days for example, it was not uncommon for fathers to not deal with the day to day stuff with their kids and felt it was exclusively the mom's job. It does not mean old school type dads did not love their kids. They just maybe did not think that stuff was their job or that they would be good at it. Your grandmother may not have enjoyed that part of being a mother, and did not want to have to do "someone's else s parenting work." Also some people are kind of self-involved and if that was her deal, that does not mean that they do not feel love, either.

It does not mean she did not love you in her own way.

Of course she cared. Caring doesn't always mean watching kids. She had raised her kids, done her time, put in her hours, worked her own fingers to the bone and they were grown and she was free! Nope, not watching nobodys kids no more is something I know that some of my friends say. I'd watch kids if they were my grandkids, but not all the time. Sorry, but I got a life. That's probably what she meant.

You got no idea how hard it is to raise kids.

My initial reaction was that it was quite strange for a mum to be saying this to their child. Whether or not it is true, how does that information help you?

Looking further into it, there may be a chance your mum felt guilty for having her babysit you and your brother. That has nothing to do with you. The truth is, we each have to take responsibility for our 'yes' and our 'no'. Whatever the attitude your grandmum had regarding babysitting you, she said yes with her actions. No one can take that back. Life is much simpler and easier to deal with if we just take people for their word, and your grandmum's word was 'yes!' So, sounds to me she cared a great deal for you. And everyone loves in their own way, the best they can.

(All my personal opinion, of course.)

I echo this.



I love my son to pieces and it has been very hard raising him. I often feel like a failure even though I try real hard. If grandma had a very difficult time raising her children, I can imagine her needing that encouragement to babysit her grandchildren. I bet, if anything, it was more to do with her own feelings and struggles than it had to do with you - especially if you felt you had a close relationship with her. If she didn't love you, you wouldn't have felt this closeness.

Well i think even when she was raising her sons in the 1960's my grandmother was very involved in her social life such as going dancing. My grandfather was in the army so they often moved countries quite often before they settled down for good in there native country of England. My dads best childhood memories was living in Hong Kong in the 60's. My dad and his bro were sent too boarding school in the early 1970s so they were not always around to make life stressful for my grandma.

I think back in the day, children were sent to boarding school when they were difficult to manage at home?

You don't have the complete picture. I'm glad you feel you were close to her.

I know for me and many people, bad experiences trigger bad reactions in future experiences. In other words, she may have had bad experiences and that colored all her thinking about babysitting. Nothing against you.

Yup, I concur - this is probably something between your mother and your grandmother that has nothing to do with you or how your grandmother feels about you.