Rumours? Gossip?

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Hi Everyone

I thought I'd post this to get some opinions on this situation. On Friday, my daughter told me that a classmate had approached her in the playground and accused her of stealing lunch money from another girl. She demanded that she return it. My daughter was really confused, as she hadn't stolen anything (ths would be completely out of character for her) and she didn't know why anyone would think she did. I told the teachers about this, when I took her to school this morning and hope they'll investigate it.

But, it's also caused me to think more about something that's been bothering me for some time. The mother of the girl in question has been ignoring/avoiding me for several months. We used to chat a lot and we're Facebook friends. I know I've not done anything to cause her to behave like this. Our last conversation was very pleasant, as ever. I've come to the concluson that there's been an issue between our daughters. My daughter says there hasn't been any interactions between them. She's not her friend, but she doesn't dislike her. The mother knows about my daughter having Aspergers. I'm considering that the girl has been telling her things about my daughter and, given Friday's episode, some of this might be untrue. My daughter's a lovely friendly girl, but many of the other girls don't seem to like her. She's a tomboy, who thinks slugs are cute and likes to act like a dog now and again. The boys like her. I'm also a little suspicious that gossip is going on, between these girls and perhaps btween the mums too. As well as this mum deliberately avoiding me, the other girls' mums aren't as chatty with me as they used to be. A 'Hello' and a smile are the limit these days. I seem to have gone from being the mum who nearly everyone speaks to, to the one that people don't want to associate with.

Of course, I could just be paranoid. Has anyone else experienced this coldness and been suspicious that there were things going on in the background?

Sounds like mean girl games to me. We've gotten off lightly so far, but I've heard some doozey's from other moms. Remember that it is all about mind games, that is how girls bully.

I think it is good that your daughter doesn't seem to be aware of it, that is nice emotional protection for her, but I am sad that the other moms may be buying it all and allowing it to affect how they perceive your daughter and your family. If you've read what you've seen correctly, and if I'm inferring correctly, those kids are devious.

How old is your daughter again? Depending on her age (past elementary school you can't interfere without making things much worse) I would consider confronting your friends and asking what they've been hearing about your daughter or your family (you start by suggesting you need the information so that you can "look into it," and then take some time to figure out the best way to counteract it).

How old is your daughter? Judging from the behavior of the other girls, I'm guessing she's a preteen.

When I was 10, one girl faked a birthday invitation for me to the party of a girl who hated me (we were both very unpopular). Fortunately, I was so surprised at her inviting me that I checked it out with her and discovered it was fake.

The invite-faker's mother was friends with my mother, but when my mother told her that her daughter was bullying me, she refused to believe it because she'd always been one of the unpopular girls (and of course her daughter is a copy of her, right?). Then she said some nasty things about me to my mom, so my mom ended the friendship.

Poor girl. *former aspie tomboy hands aspie tomboy a huge sack full of candy* Girl's type of bullying is so much harder to catch than boy's, because it's more sophisticated. When I was 10-13 years old, the girls in my class were bullying me. They didn't include me in their play, called me ret*d and spread rumours about me. I was fine with the guys. My mum tried to talk to the chief bully's mother, but it didn't help. The teachers blamed me for everything, since the chief bully was really good at playing the perfect child when adults were near and I couldn't behave the way the teachers wanted me to.

Girls can start early with this kind of behavior. When my son was in kinder, I saw some pretty sophisticated stuff from a group of about three girls, when I would visit the class.

I forget if your daughter is my son's age (7) or a bit older. I vaguely recall them not being too far apart in age.

Regardless of what the mothers may have heard, being on a friendly basis with you and knowing that your daughter has a disability, you would think they would run past things by you. Then again, I am sure their kids are "perfect angels" so you know...

Hopefully, the teachers can scope out what is going on. Does your daughter have anyone in the class she can really trust to find things out? NT kids are better at that kind of thing than the teachers because they are in the network.

Ugh. Can't speak to the girl behavior - but I feel you about the Moms. When DS had the issue with texting, the other kid's mother took his side...and we haven't spoken since. To some degree, it was OK with me - but now I feel like there is tension between me and the mothers of all his other friends. I of course haven't said anything about what happened (other than a general warning about keeping an eye on texting) but I am guessing the other mother did not do the same.

Or I could be paranoid. So hard to tell. It's been months now and have just decided to move on and not think about it; I do have other friends, fortunately.

I HATE this kind of stuff, though.

Thanks everyone for the great responses. A few people have asked about my daughter's age. She's almost 7 1/2. I went through similar at school, but it didn't start until I was 11. Kids, especially girls, seem to be 'growing up' much faster. Note the use of inverted commas, as I don't really mean they are maturing and behaving like responsible people faster, I mean they are turning into teenagers faster, without the wisdom that a few years would give them. But, my daughter's still a very young child, in comparison, whilst being much more mature than them in other ways. I'm seriously worried about the transition to secondary school, even though it's 4 years away.

I don't really think it's hit her yet about what might be going on. She's just so wrapped up in her own wee world of Dr Who, dogs, dragons, etc. She's been doing a lot of nail biting, but she hasn't spoken much about feeling left out or bullied. She's also a really confident girl, believe it or not. If she doesn't think she's being treated fairly, she'll tell it like it is, without fear of repercussion. So far, that seems to have worked in her favour.

I've not got much time just now. I'll come back to this thread and expand a bit more and hopefully respond to individual posts. And again, thanks for such great support. x