Son's job trouble. What to do?

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My youngest son, 18, the one with ADHD and who has some traits that make me wonder if he's got some very mild AS as well is in a situation that is ticking me off to no end. He's been working part time at this store for a while, and he's working more and more now. He is also taking GED classes three days a week and has to earn the gas money to get there and back. The store used to be owned by a couple that were friends of my older two kids but they sold it to these two guys from the Middle East. Those guys expended the store and now instead of just a liquor store with a pool hall its also a big convenience store, a deli, and they make BBQ on an outside grill. The two brothers work there, as well as the boy from the couple who used to own it, his younger brother who lives with us, my son and my sons best friend who also takes GED classes with him.

Here is the problem. My son is a very good worker. He has gone in at 6am before and worked till 2 or 3 am and just came home for an hour or two to rest and sleep at some point during the day. He does stocking, cooking, cleaning, making the BBQ, throwing the drunks and shoplifters out. Nobody gets paid an hourly wage, but they pay them each day based on how long they worked and how much business was done. There have been days he's worked 7 or 8 hours and made $30 and days where he's worked 7 or 8 hours and made $120. It just depends. That's not the problem, if that's how they all want to set up being paid that's on them. What bothers me is now they will tell my son to be there at a certain time, he goes there and then they will tell him to come back in two hours. Or three hours. Or they don't need him to work. One of the other boys, (mainly the boy who lives with us) will show up and just start working so there is no need for my son to be there. It happened three times yesterday. He went at 5, they said come back at 7, then said come back at 9, which he did and worked till about 2. I don't know what time he's working today.

Now, he will stand up for himself but he's worried that if he insists too much that he will lose his job. A while back he got mad and said he wasn't coming back and after a few days they called him and asked him back and things were fine for a while, but now they aren't again. He isn't sure if that would work a second time or if the other guys who work there would just take up his slack and he would be out of luck. I cant say anything to them because it's not my place, he's 18 and it's his job. I've told him to say something about this and tell them that if they send him home after telling him to be there at a certain time and not calling before hand to tell them he's not coming back that day, but he won't do that because he needs the money. I don't know what to tell him. This is a cash money job, not one with a check, taxes, etc, so employment laws won't apply. Those types of jobs are common in this area, especially with small businesses. I don't mind that he has that type of job, I mind that he's being jerked around at it.

Suggestions?

Your son's room mate may not want to reflect on the fact that his free-wheeling working hours are grossly inconveniencing your son. It might be useful if your son were to point this out to him. I am assuming that living with your family is a convenience for him and perhaps it isn't loyal behavior to his friend, who is providing housing, to essentially 'scoop' his work hours.

That's true. He said something to him about it before. The friends response is "I have fines, lawyer fees and child support to pay, you don't." Well my son has gas to buy for GED classes and other stuff he needs and wants to buy that we can't afford so it's not my son's fault this other kid was irresponsible and stupid and now has to pay for it. The fact that we don't charge this kid any rent or anything is a topic that I think we need to address if he keeps doing this. Although it's not just him its the guys at the store too.

What are the chances of him finding another job? The best time to get a better job is while you are still employed. Every time they delay his coming in, he could use that time to check around for other opportunities. He'll have to be tactful, but the situation should lend itself to some naturally easy explanations.

They sometimes pay less than minimum wage?

While I'm aware this is a "cash" job, your son is still covered under the law, so you can report the employer to the government for breaking it: 1-866-4-USA-DOL (1-866-487-2365). http://www.dol.gov/opa/aboutdol/lawsprog.htm These employers can't run their business without employees: they need to step up and do what's right. At the very least, you or he could call their hotline and ask hypothetically what would happen if the DOL got involved in this situation.

The worst part is that your son probably won't get credit for working there - they are unlikely to offer him a good reference if they're paying him under the table. I hear you about the job market, but this job sounds like bad news on multiple levels.

^what Momsparky said^

DW - I wish it were that easy. We live in a very, very small town that is 30 minutes of nothing but woods in every direction before you hit an actual city. He doesn't have a car and we can't afford one for him and neither can he. There are really no jobs in town. Everything that is available gets snapped right up. The other option is the mines, and his friend who works with him worked there for a while and said it absolutely sucked. He doesn't really want to do that. The pay is great there but he just has no interest in working at the mines. Sometimes there is a little work to be done with a landscaper, if you know them and they come by and ask if you want to work that day but that's never something you can count on. The guy my older son did roofing for has retired and they don't know anyone else to ask for work like that.

Adam - I suppose so. They pay them based on how long they worked that day and how much business was done during that time. Everybody is in agreement with that and I don't see how that's a problem.

Momsparky and InThisTogether - I don't think he would really want to get any government agency involved in this. Even telling them that he had called and telling them what he was told would pretty much have them telling him not to come back. There is no "official" record of any of them working there either. Plus, I don't know that anybody would really want to call in some agency like that. There is no telling how all of the owners and their cousins who come and go are with immigration, so I don't think calling a government agency is a good idea.

Part of me wants to tell him to go up there and tell them "This is how it will be if I'm gonna work for you" and spelling out that they can't jerk him around like that and if they do, he won't come back. The thing is, he's not sure he wants to cut off his nose to spite his face. That job is the only way he has the money to get all the way into the city for the GED classes. I don't know what he's gonna do, I wish I knew what to tell him. Every option I come up with is either impractical or he doesn't want to do it. It's hard enough even trying to discuss it with him because he will tell me in no uncertain terms "I'll handle my own stuff". I know I can't interfere, but I just wish I knew some magical solution that would fix all this.

I appreciate everyones advice though. I really do.

You're right. It's tough being a Mom and I agree with your son, really: he's an adult and has to figure this stuff out. I think at some point everybody works for someone who is a bad boss, and you have to weigh the benefits and costs yourself.

However, these guys are egregiously breaking employment law and you have to wonder what else is going on there that you don't know about if they can't even follow basics like agreeing to a minimum number of hours in a day or minimum wage. I can't blame you for waiting until your son is done with this job, but have him keep a lookout for OSHA violations in the workplace. Would your son be protected if he's injured on the job? What if these employers are doing other illegal things - could your son be implicated? After your son is done there, maybe someone could print and anonymously drop off the posters available at the first link I posted. Who knows, his bosses may not even be aware about employment law in this country.

This is actually my major concern with undocumented workers: not that they aren't paying taxes nor that they are "taking jobs away" from other people - but that they are easy to exploit as they often don't have other employment options and will keep quiet about violations of the law.

Well, the thing is, he sees how much that can be made in that business and he is wanting to get into it for himself. He's always been a good businessman, and always been the one to have cash on hand and lend it to people and actually collect interest. He's the one who would buy up somebody's old phones or video games and turn around and sell them to somebody else. He's always got two or three irons in the fire and he's the one that's always ballin' and the one who is who we call here at our house "The First National Bank of HisName" because while he may be walking around with only $20 or $30 on him, he's got about $200 invested in some other scheme that's going to come back to him soon. However, this job is instant cash and he can use that to get to his GED classes. He wants to go to college as soon as he takes the test and he is planning on starting this fall. He wants to be a business major, I guess that's probably best for him.

The thing about being with these guys from the ground floor up, is that while he may have to take some hits in the wallet right now, and even in the pride, he can work his way up to possibly even buying a store or two from them later on, and by then having the knowledge of how exactly to run it to the maximum profit. Their cousins own about a quarter of the convenience stores in Tuscaloosa already and these guys are just getting a start in the whole thing. The two brothers have just bought one up in the next county that my son and his friend went up there to clean up and clean out and they are slowly working on getting it up to speed plus it's got gas pumps as well. He's been talking to them about letting him run it for them, which would be great money cause he could just take his pay from the profit and get more than he's getting now. He's the only one of the three young boys who takes any interest in how it's run, the paperwork, the ordering, the money, etc. The rest just want to stock, sweep and get paid.

I just hate to see the poor kid so mad for being done like this. I hate to see him some days working from morning till early the next morning when the liquor store closes and being so tired. When I say something to him about it, that he shouldn't work so much and that I might say he can't work that much he tells me "I'm 18, you can't do nothing about it. If I get too tired I'll tell them I'm going home" and I know he will, but I go back and forth between being impressed with his work ethic and his ability to make money when there is none to be had and to worrying about him. See, the BBQ business that they have at the store is one he set up between a friend of his and the brothers. His friend was selling BBQ over in front of Wal Mart and not doing that well. That part of town is not conducive to that. He brought him over to the guys and they talked about letting him set up permenantly there and they decided to give it a go. My son had the choice of getting a percentage of the profit from the BBQ or getting the chance at a new store. He chose the new store. Which is taking forever and I don't know how long he's gonna be stuck with this crap. The BBQ business took off so well though. It's in a part of the town where a lot of people buy BBQ. Also, it's right in front of the liquor store side of it, and that is always a great spot for that.

The boy who used to own the place and sold it to them supports his wife and two kids with what he earns and nobody is saying that he should have his hours cut. Everybody understands that his job comes first. But, the boy who lives with us doesn't pay anything hardly except back child support and legal fees and stuff, and his brother will pay that if he doesn't or his mother will. It's not like he's doing without if he doesn't work because he lives here. I've honestly thought about kicking him out, but I feel so sorry for him. He's not very mature at all and in school he had lots of trouble learning things and I don't know what he's going to do with his life. He's like 25 and living on my couch and making money to pay for fines and those expensive things to "clean out his system" before he goes to see his PO. When I first met him I thought he was actually younger than my son. That's how immature he is. That's no kind of life for a boy! My oldest went through something similar but he had learned a few trades and is now making good money in construction. This kid just doesn't want to. He likes to work there because he just hangs out and talks to people and gets paid for it. He doesn't do much.

Right now, my son had got up early this morning and went in to start the BBQ (the guy who usually does it gets a few days off, but it's sold 7 days) and worked then came home around dinner time and is sleeping till later tonight when he will go back up there and work till closing. He's working on getting close to these guys so they see him as important. He's going to hang out with one of them next weekend. Apparantly people into video games and watching "It's Always Sunny In Philadephia" have a lot in common even if they are from different parts of the world and are 10 years apart in age. Although DS has mainly hung out with older kids anyway.

As for anything illegal, nothing bad is going on there. The small stuff that's not exactly legal is known by all the cops and nobody cares. It's just petty stuff like having under age people stock liquor and sometimes run the register. You can run a register in a store that sells beer and wine when you are under 21, but you can't run one in a liqour store unless you are 21 and you can't be in one unless you are 21. The other night there was this real rowdy drunk in there yelling and throwing a fit cause his credit card was denied and nobody would let him charge it on his word and he got to be destructive so DS threw him out and sat on him out in the parking lot till the cops got there. He gave a statement about who threw him out and such and they just wrote it up like it was one of the brothers saying it. As for getting hurt on the job, if he gets hurt we (or he) will sue them for every penny they have - everybody knows he works there and there is no way they would win that here in town. I really don't think he would get hurt bad enough to sue them or anything. I also think that if he did get hurt he is opportunistic enough to turn it into something that will benefit himself cause he will have the upper hand with the brothers.

Anyway, I've had a lot of stuff on my mind lately and that's just one of the things. I wish to God I had a magic wand I could wave and make things work out the way he wants to. He gets so tired of walking up there and having to turn around and walk right back. It's about a mile and he doesn't have a car and we have never really taught him how to drive although he could in a pinch I guess.

Frances, I will say this: it sounds like you've got a really great son. You did a good job as Mom, and this stuff is just frustrating and hard for everybody.

I hope it all works out, and I think all you can do is wait and worry, unfortunately. Seems like your son has a plan and this is temporary, so I wouldn't worry too much...

Thank you so much. I know it's temporary, but I can't stand seeing him go through this. I know that there is nothing I can do about it, and when my oldest was his age I had to learn to back off the kids because he did three months in juvie (youthful offender) and there wasn't anything at all that I could do. Of course I called up there every day to talk to his counselor until I figured out that she was just giving me the runaround and not giving him any messages or anything. At least this one is in the free world and not doing anything to get sent off for.

One of the reasons I suspect AS with him (and you know I've been dx'd with it) is that this kid is The Most Negative Person In The World when things go wrong. For real he is. Around here, he can make a huge world shattering deal out of something like I haven't mended this one pair of his jeans yet (he has like 8 or 9 more) or that somebody went in his room and played his Xbox, or that God forbid I moved his shoes. He is so damn sensitive to stuff. He gets furious when people interrupt him and he will just shut his mouth with a mean look and say "No, nothing! Nevermind then!" and he's really upset over it. At the smallest sleight or change of his plans he loses it. Yells, slams doors, threatens to move out, etc. He's always been like that and that's why he's had so much trouble in school. God help his teachers. He's great with the college GED stuff. They treat you like an adult and he's fine with it. He said he's enjoying learning.

But, when it comes to something where money is involved, he's a whole different kid. Interrupt him all you want, insult him all you want. He accidentally bumps his knee on the coffee table here or gets a bug bite in the yard and he's on his death bed, but he can come home with several cuts and bruises from wresteling a drunk down and throwing one out and it doesn't bother him at all. That whole physical pain not being consistant came to a head a couple weeks ago when he came in the bedroom and woke me up at about 4am when he had just got home from work. This was the time he had a big ole mouse under his eye and a cut on his lip from throwing somebody out, cause the do fight back mostly. He came to wake me up not because he came home hurt. He came to wake me up because he had gone out in the back yard barefooted to get the dogs in after he let them out in the middle of the night like he knows not to do because they bark, and he stepped on a prickle and couldn't find the tweezers and couldn't get it out of his own foot. I got up, all mad, looked at it and the piece of prickle was sticking out about a half inch and I can't even hardly see and I saw it. I just grabbed it with my fingers, pulled it out and you would have thought he was dying. It couldn't have been worse when that alligator guy pulled the jellyfish thing out of his chest and died. I looked at him and actually said "WTF!?!?!?! Have you looked in the mirror? You come home been in a fight and you wake me up to pull a PRICKLE OUT OF YOUR FOOT?" Well he got mad and didn't talk to me for a day. He just said "I was at WORK. I get PAID for that!" So, I don't know. I really sometimes just don't know.

I have one possibility Frances. When your son is throwing the drunks out and ends up in a fight his adrenaline may be pumping so he may feel nothing.