Frustrated Dad

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How do you feel about working with ABA therapist? I am recently adding these services for my child but I do not know how I feel about continuing. It has been a month and I am constantly butting heads with the therapist.......my daughter is not improving. She is still spitting every where and throwing tantrums. She even spit at the therapist. Every time I complain they change the program but nothing is working. My child is not getting better and I am frustrated because they were supposed to make some changes and they haven't. I can't help it when my child spits I want to come in and reprimand her but I think the therapist should be handling this. Why should I have to step it? I'm over my child not listening to the therapist and I see them playing a lot together. I'm not paying this person to play with my child. What are your experiences with ABA therapy?

If you aren't happy with the therapy your child is getting, get a different therapist.

How old is your dd? Play is a big part of ABA. The therapist must gain your daughter's trust before any progress will be made and that is only going to happen with lots of positive interactions. Besides, play is a kid's job. Consistency is also key. It can take months to start turning behavior around. My son has had a lot of progress with ABA but it has taken several months. I know it is hard to feel like therapy is going nowhere but try to step back and give it some time. As long as your dd seems to like the therapist, that is the most important consideration at this point in time. I urge you to give it more time.

There are a huge range of philosophies when it comes to ABA therapy. I agree with the previous poster, that you need to be able to communicate well with your therapist, so if you are not, that is cause for concern. However, a couple of things to think about...

-One month is a VERY short period of time in which to see progress. Most of my sons therapists will spend the first month just trying to establish a rapport with him. Therapy is not going to be effective if your child doesn't connect with the therapist so it is not time wasted.

-A common approach in ABA therapy is to reward good behavior and ignore bad behavior. So they may not be disciplining your daughter as negative reinforcement is not in the treatment plan (although, they certainly should have discussed this with you). For some children this can be very effective if consistently applied (for example, negative consequences were completely ineffective for my son and so we had to find new ways to extinguish behaviors).

-When we considered ABA for my son, I was told that children often have tantrums/meltdowns at the beginning. Many children with ASD like routines and like things to be done in certain ways. ABA will often be different from what they are used to, so a period of adjustment is normal as your therapists try to understand your daughter and she adjusts to the new expectations.

I always think you should go with your gut, but if you are feeling unsure, could you call a meeting to really talk. Both to lay out your concerns and to try to better understand what their approach is and why they are making the choices they are.

I agree with DnRn; it seems like a very short time to see a result.

Many of us have kids who have or have had very frustrating behaviors. It is extremely difficult, as a parent, to wrap your brain around the idea that your job (and the phalanx of caregivers our kids sometimes get's job) is NOT to "fix" the problems - and this is coming from someone who was worried I would be physically harmed at some point.

My job as a parent is to figure out what my child needs from me. When a child has a social communication disorder, they very often can't express their needs - which sometimes results in frustrating behaviors. Alternately, they can't see how their behavior affects everyone else - and this is something we need to learn to communicate TO them - but we have to learn to overcome the communication barrier first. It's a long process, and play can be a big part of learning to communicate in both directions.

This is not to say that you shouldn't have a discussion with your therapist - any good therapist should be keeping you in the loop on what's going on, what they see as the issues, and what they've learned about your child. If you aren't getting that, you should be. Sometimes it takes a while to get a good "fit" for your family, and that is OK.

Just keep in mind - there is no quick fix, and I would be suspicious of anybody who says anything different.