School not protecting my son!!

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my son is 6 and in first grade. He doesnt have an IEP yet nor a diagnosis of ASD. We are in the process of getting both at the moment.
I was informed by a substitute teacher (friend) who was an aide in my sons class today that he was not handled well by another aide. She was not working with my son today but saw an encounter between my son and the aide working with him. She said from the time the aide pulled my son out to work with him she had a negative attitude towards my son. She saw the aide put her hands on my sons cheeks and get in his face talking to him. She was hounding him about his work as soon as they sat down. Not giving him a chance to get started before getting onto him. She said that she had to go around the corner to work with another student, but that a little while later my son came running around towards her away from the teachers aide. My son has run from this aide before. He was also disciplined for his actions with his behavior color chart. He was on the most serious color yet I didn't get a call from the school about this situation.
Honestly I would not have known about it had my informant not told me about it. My son doesn't express anything about his day at school. It takes an act of congress to get him to talk about anything. My friend came over and spoke with my son about how it is not okay for a teacher to put her hands on him and treat him like that. I don't know what to do. My friend is having a conference with the principal tomorrow about it because she is very upset seeing a child treated bad.

I am mostly just venting but also wonder how do you trust these people with your kids when something like this happens

This so-called 'aide' is also modeling bullying behavior. She is demonstrating by her actions that your son is not worthy of being treated with respect, when of course he is.

Some people just have very deeply held authoritarian beliefs and almost immediately land on the reaction that autistic behavior is the child being 'bad.'

PS I am not a parent. I am a person who lives life on the Spectrum and I try and help out where I can.

Thank you for your reply and your point of view. I agree that the aide was showing bullying behavior. She didn't want to deal with my son. Yes my son can be challenging when he doesn't want to work but he is more challenging when provoked. I will be speaking with the school about this aide. She will not work with my son anymore. He will not be bullied. I feel so bad for him because I wonder how many times she has treated him like this without me knowing??

This is why I swore my son would never be in the public school, even back when I was pregnant. Not because of his anger issues (as everyone who knows us assumes) but because of mine. If it was my kid, I would be in jail right now...

It took all I had not to go up there but I didn't talk to my friend I rule everyone had already left the school for the day. I don't think I could handle him at home to teach him here so I send him to school. I felt like that was the best option, but I am reconsidering that choice now. I feel like once we get his iep it will be different. Right now they (not all of them) think he is just this rude child who won't do his work and runs around like a crazy person when you try to make him. There are staff that do see his disability even though his only diagnosis' at the moment are SPD and ADHD. The same friend who talked to me about the situation asked if they had ruled out ASD. The school co op is in the process of evaluating him right now. I am so worried that the won't qualify for spec ed and then they really will treat him like a behavior problem. He is so smart and acts so much better one on one with most people.

Hi, what is SPD? (sensory processing?)

And I really think Asperger's or Autism or Autism Spectrum are the prestige diagnoses, and your son is therefore likely to be treated better.

To some people, ADHD still means 'bad' kid. (I think such people are highly mistaken, but the fact that some people dealing with kids apparently believe this way is a highly significant fact in and of itself)

Sorry yes SPD I sensory processing disorder. There are definitely people at the school who see him as a "problem" child. It is very frustrating as a parent to see him struggle like this. I filled out the parent forms today for the autism evaluation through the school.

I know this is quite the old post but for anyone else for future reference:

You need to make sure it's clear to your son that if something like that happens again he needs to tell you immediately. The best bet for you is to catch up on your states educational code to help with your interactions with the school. Trust me as a recent graduate when I say the schools bank on parents and students not knowing Ed Code. Where I'm from it's practically suable to put your hands on a student as a teacher (unless you're breaking up a fight or something). A Google search should help with this. Try to find ways to find out if things are happening in class in the event that your son doesn't tell you. Never assume the school is your friend. It sounds backwards but at this point that's the truth. If it gets bad enough use that knowledge and threaten to contact some higher ups and actually make complaints. The last thing a school wants is a lawsuit.

You could try meeting with his future teachers and explain what's going on that may help and if you think a teacher is a bad fit can try and get your son moved to a different class. Compensation papers also do help because they're backed by law and do carry weight. If all else fails move schools or homeschool. I personally wouldn't recommend homeschool unless you're going to stick with it because they're terribly cumbersome. Charters and Privates can be a better bet but may require high test scores, money, and have limited space.

You'll also want to be aware of certain things that happen in class. For example, sometimes teachers like to have "debates" with students who have no understanding of what's going on and if your son disagrees intellectually (which he has every right to do and that type of thing should be nurtured in schools, but sadly it usually isn't) he may be labeled as a child who causes problems.

Unfortunately, because of how stupid schools are, be prepared to fight with them for a long time. Know the law and your son and you should be fine.

Thank you for your response. Luckily the aide we had problems with doesn't work at our school anymore. Last year we met with his teacher during the summer before classes started. It made the whole year much better. We also got a teacher who was understanding of his differences and researched how she could help him. His previous teacher came back from maternity leave in first grade and he was like a different child after the school started respecting his diagnosis. He will repeat 2nd grade next year to hopefully help him socially and academically.

FWIW, I have often wished I would have held my son back a year in early elementary. He was doing OK academically, but developmentally he was behind his peers. He is young for his grade to begin with and I feel that he would have been closer to "matched" if he would be behind a grade. In some states, he would have naturally been a year behind just because of the cutoffs. But instead he is socially behind AND almost a year younger than some of his peers. Not a great combo.

Hindsight is always 20/20, but I just wanted to let you know because I know that the decision to hold your kid back is not one that is made easily.

Thank you. We have been talking about holding him back since the first conference last year. We can see his social deficits more with the older kids in his grade. We figure he will do better socially with the younger kids. Thanks for your input.

FWIW on the holding back thing - DS has an August birthday, and we were advised to hold him back and did. I cannot imagine what elementary school would have been had he not had the extra year of preschool - it was difficult enough with him being the oldest kid in the class, but as the yougest? Oog.

That said, I find it interesting that most of DS's friends are his biological age, not his grade.

There are some people who do this. Many paraprofessionals are decent people who care about the students and want to help them. Unfortunately, some are not. It sounds like your son's aid is in the latter group. It is good that your friend is reporting this to the principal as there will be an inside record of this event. Many districts do not allow subs to communicate directly with parents for liability reasons (that communication has to go through the teacher, via sub note, and then from the teacher/school to the parents); so, if this is the case in your district do not report that she told you this happened, you can state that your son seems "scared" of his aid and are suspicious that something may be going instead. If you are not getting reports/information from the school before he is moved all the way to his top discipline level, you can bring that up with the school and demand to know why your son is being disciplined at these levels without you being informed. You can put a hidden tape recorder of some kind in your son’s bag or pocket one day and then bring that to a meeting with the principal as proof. It shouldn't have to get to that point but if your being told by a reliable source this is happening that may be the only recourse, esp. if nothing is done after she reports this. You don't have to tell them why you thought this might be going on and decided on that plan. I know it’s hard, but try not to lose faith in all educators because of the negative actions of these few. I can offer you no advice on how to trust after this; this is one of those things with no easy answers.