Ready to tell my son..

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Lots of things are happening in my brain at the moment.

1) My son's transition into high school this fall
2) Applying for a service dog for Autism
3) Considering in telling him about his Autism

They are all interconnected so.. I'm looking for the best way of telling him about himself that is positive and not negative.
Any advice that doesn't require me to purchase a book from a store?

Use the way my dad told me: list the positives related to the autism first, explain how some events he remembers show he might have had it, and tell him he's exactly the same: he's just got a new vocabulary word to describe himself.

Thank you.

So far he thinks people with Autism are "dumb" and "can't make friends". I'm not sure who told him that, it's unclear even with me asking him. I gave him a book called, "House Rules" because he's really into Forensic Science and so is the main character who has Autism. He is really interested in the book, so far, and I'm thinking of using that as a comparison.

Anyone else?

maybe go over the diagnostic criteria and how it pertains to him

We were very lucky that in DS's first social skills group, there was a boy who was proud of his AS and was one of those genius-type computer wizards. DS still struggles with the word "autism," but he's proud of the word Asperger's as a result.

Any chance you can expose him to groups of kids with higher-functioning levels?

When I broke it to my son I started with "you know when you say something that is perfectly sensible and right and everyone just looks at you like you're weird or stupid, or they make fun of you?" which got his (somewhat startled) attention, and then related some other stuff that happened / happens to me, all of which I knew he would relate to, making it clear that these were all MY experiences. He was nodding away when I said "all this stuff has happened to me, because I'm a bit autistic". He put 2 and 2 together in seconds, and a conversation that I suspect was much harder for me than him ensued.

We had another fantastic talk today about the amazing advice that people contributed to the thread I started on his behalf. He is so much happier about himself, now he has an explanation for his differences and problems and my oddnesses. I've always tried to teach him HOW to think, rather than what to think, which I think has helped.

He's an amazing kid, and that first one was one of the most difficult conversations I've ever had. He says he's glad I told him, because it helps him to understand a lot more about what's happening. He said I can tell you that.

This is your child & your business, but I wanted to tell you about our experience. His light was dimming, & it's much brighter now. Excuse me, I need to go have a quick sniffle out of sight of the kids now, lol.

I hope that however you handle it, your outcome is as positive as ours.


torque

Whoops. Double post.

There's a good cartoon book: Dude, I'm An Aspie! Kids' Edition [Paperback]
Matt Friedman (Author)

The ebook version is only $1.99, paperback is $4.99

He's not Aspie though. He has high-functioning.

Have you seen "My Autism and Me"?

I m not familar with the particular book, but there is a real blurry line between HFA and Aspergers, presumably part of why they dumped the AS label in the new DSM-5. If you find AS resources that you like, I would not hesitate to use them. When you explain it verbally, you can always say that sometimes the terms HFA and Aspergers are used to mean the same thing. There is enough variance in how the terms are applied, that this is not at all untruthful, IMO.

The difference between High Functioning and Asperger's is the IQ level. Asperger's tends to have a much higher IQ than HF.

Our psychiatrist said that since my son had a significant speech delay, it's autism, not Asperger's, regardless of his IQ. Not so?

She also said there has been a recent change to the DSM and they just lump it all together now. I haven't looked so I'm not sure the extent of what she means, but she definitely said that for a new diagnosis, it's just whatever-they-are-currently-calling-it.

OK I looked, and here's what a news article says:

"The American Psychiatric Association board of trustees met Dec. 1, 2012 to approve changes to diagnostic criteria for autism that eliminate the diagnosis of Asperger Syndrome and change the criteria for diagnosis..."

From http://www.autism.com/index.php/news_dsmV

I know they say after a point they can't tell the difference diagnostically between HFA and AS, but my son is HFA. His IQ is 95, so he is well within the normal IQ range. Having read a lot of posts, it feels like there is a definite difference between the functioning level of the kids talked about here that are diagnosed AS and those diagnosed HFA. (And having the youngest coming along most likely qualifying for a diagnosis of AS under the old system, there is a huge difference in the early years as well). He honestly has the executive functioning skills of a four year old. I know the docs can't their act together, but even the other Aspie kids we've met have been pretty much immediately aware that he isn't like them.

I am about the world's worst secret keeper, so I made it about halfway home with the pamphlets and such that they handed me at the clinic, before I was talking to him about it. We went over some of the lists, and picked out the things that applied to him. I told him that it was like an umbrella to all the other diagnoses he'd had. (Speech delay, phonological delay, developmental coordination disorder, fine motor delay, visual-motor integration delay, gross motor delay, etc, etc.) He still goes to OT, and has never felt odd about that even though he knows that other kids don't go to OT. Basically I presented it as sort of like the OT. That it didn't say anything about him that we didn't already know and deal with at home. That it was just a shorthand to tell other people what we already know, and that we didn't have to tell people that didn't need to know.

He wasn't very happy with it at first, because he had the same impression that autism only meant nonverbal, low IQ, with lots of loud flailing stims. I've made it a point to show him that that isn't the case. He's met a couple of Aspies, but he hasn't fit in well with them, because he's not that smart techie type and they were. We did read the Dude, I'm an Aspie thing, and he didn't see himself in it, but it didn't upset him either, and I used it to show the spectrum concept. Then we watched the video that was linked on the man's website that wrote that book, and other than the kind of annoying song in the middle of the video, he liked watching the exaggerated social mistakes made by the characters and that got more examples of ways people could be different without being the stereotype.

Anyway, that was how I told mine.

What we haven't really talked to him about, and part of the driving force behind pursuing it is that the diagnosis can get him services like assisted living (there is a good program here in town) if things go that way. It qualifies him for an autism assistance program in college if things go that way (there is a good one in my state, not that it's looking good in that direction at this time)

Nope! My son has a very high IQ that most NTs would be envious of. He spoke on time, and his only language issues are pragmatic plus some echolalia. I had a mini-dispute with the shrink about this, b/c I thought the verbiage was important at the time, and I thought he was Aspie due to not have delayed speech.

The shrink considered his pragmatic language issues (he didn't even know about the echolalia)sufficient to qualify. (I still don't agree with that) The main reason my son is considered HFA is b/c of his very very low social skills (Under 1 percentile), his rigidity, and his adaptive/functional skills, which are very bad. So in our case HFA means very severe Aspergers, in a way. I don't care, now because I needed precision. There just isn't any.

Every doctor does things differently. I have some books (for me) about Aspies, some for autism in general, one for OCD to deal with the perseveration.

Anyway, I guess my point is, use the resources that best fit your sons actual needs, and don't worry so much about the labels in the book, if they serve your purpose. I don't mean to sidetrack things, and if you feel the HFA books are more on point, that is cool, of course. Aspergers is out of the DSM, so the word Autism is probably going to be used more often, now, anyway.

The hard part (on topic) is that the books tend to describe generic versions, and no matter what you use, not everything will line up. I would get the All Cats Have Aspergers book, despite being babyish, because my son loves cats so much(and I don't worry about it saying Aspergers not Autism) except it mentions not being cuddly, and he will immediately think none of the book applies to him due to things like that which don't. So, when we do the reveal thing, I don't think I am going to give him a book per se.

The place in the city I am in generally tells the kids something like this as soon as they are 7 or older.

"Congratulations, you have Autism!"
They then explain that this means he or she is not mad, bad or defective, but simply has a different way of thinking because their brain is wired differently.. The discussion continues with an explanation of how some of the child's talents or qualities are due to having Autism, which is when you would list the positives on the list you have made. Then the same thing with the difficulties.

Often they mention in the difficulties that most people know how to "read" people, and that they may sometimes have to attend a kind of class to learn how to do that. Otherwise they make it clear that it will be life as normal, but that there is a word for, and that he will not be alone, there are others like him too. Some children are very interested in the last part, and end up having an older autistic adult as a mentor (usually someone with AS).