Middle School IEP

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My son's middle school IEP is coming up. I think I am ready, but now that it is here, I am feeling very nervous. I really want to have everything set up for the year to go smoothly.

I have a pretty good relationship with the district. I haven't been told no about anything I have asked for, but then I haven't had to ask for a lot, so that could be why.

He has gotten speech twice a week in elementary school for pragmatics. His speech teacher made goals for me to look over. My son knows all the "rules". It is just implementing in the moment that is still the problem. She talked with him and they decided to go with some journaling next year so he can try to study his interactions more. She is open for me to make any adjustments I deem necessary. Here is what she and my son came up with:

"When participating in a lesson or activity, XXX will appropriately wait his turn to speak with no more than one visual cue from an adult on 4/5 opportunities for 3 data probes over 36 instructional weeks."

This one has been ongoing for several years. He still interrupts often, but is improving each year.

"Within 36 instruction weeks, XXX will reflect on good and bad impressions he made on others and others made on him by recording a minimum of 10 journal entries reflecting on 10 different opportunities to form impressions."

This has to do with him not knowing when to read the cues correctly.

"Within 36 instructional weeks, XXX will independently respond with the appropriate communication style to match a peer interaction versus adult interaction in the special education or classroom setting on 5 consecutive opportunities."

This one really doesn't matter to me. He speaks the same to everyone and eventually everyone will be an adult anyway, so it will be irrelevant one day, but of course teachers get annoyed by this one.

"XXX will create strategies with minimal prompts to cope with his own personal challenging behaviors (e.g., lack of patience, arguing, debating, etc.) that interfere with his learning and socializing by completing a minimum of 10 journal entries."

"XXX will reflect on his social communication skills regarding entering more conversations by recording a minimum of 10 journal entries reflecting on 10 conversational opportunities."

This one I will have tweaked. My son has no problem entering conversations. He does have a problem always talking about what the subject already is and not coming in with a totally random topic. The other child he has been with in speech all these years does not talk a lot. She actually uses my son to teach the other boy to walk up and talk to people. I think she recycled this from his IEP goals instead of creating a new one for my son.

I am also asking for locker checks and some help in organization skills that I have heard other kids are getting in middle school here.

My main concerns are:

He will have three lockers and combinations to keep track of. His main locker, the PE locker, and his band locker. I can see lost homework and items all over the place.

I am also worried about the PE locker room. They have to change for PE. They have a PE "uniform". I see this as a misunderstanding waiting to happen. My son can get very silly and he is not modest as all. He won't touch anyone else, but I can see a stupid naked dance coming out of him in the locker room at some point. How can I head this off before something happens?

Any suggestions?

So, my son is now in middle school and I had all the same concerns as you - and just to allay your concerns, DS actually is doing significantly better in middle school than elementary school - I think both he and the school take the whole thing much more seriously.

Some tips: for speech, I would ask that he get some time to be "shadowed" by a speech teacher in social situations, and that the speech teacher be available to conference with other teachers or to discuss (later, not in the moment) social situations that arise during the shadowing (lunch, recess, PE, library, etc.) I think DS gets 20 minutes (largely because therapies are in classtime blocks - 40 minutes - but services are written in half-hour and hour blocks in the IEP. I insisted we get those 20 minutes we were given.)

Second, for the locker - I searched online and found a couple different keyed combination locks. We were going to use those but I found out that all keyed locks use a master keying system - there's only like four possible different keys, and I was worried that bullies might just go buy a key at the hardware store. However, many schools will allow a child on an IEP to have a keyed lock, and you can get locks that are all the same if you don't think there is risk that his classmates will be that much of a problem. (DS has a cell phone and phones are often stolen.)

We finally wound up getting a series of Masterlocks like this one: http://www.amazon.com/Master-Lock-643D- ... ation+lock
you can set your own combination, and the numbers each being separate make it a lot easier for DS. All the locks are set to the same combination (but part of the trick was making sure DS doesn't give away the combo - AND that he remembers to lock the lock) There are also set-your-own locks that use words (keep in mind those are easy combinations for other kids to watch & steal.)

FYI - the gym lockers are usually keyed to a master key, and the school may insist on it. DS did fine with it - but remember, if they are keyed, the gym teacher should know that your son might need help with the lock.

So: things to practice over the summer - unlocking a padlock. Putting the padlock back in the lock hole after you've unlocked it so you don't set it on the floor and forget it. Making sure you close and latch the locker before you lock the padlock. See if the school will let you see how the lockers work (some of them, you can leave the lock in the door and it will still close, some you have to take it out again.)

I was really freaked out about the changing in the locker room - but I think it is hard and weird for all kids. DS managed (with the help of sneakers with triathalon laces) We put a backpack toggle lock https://encrypted-tbn2.gstatic.com/imag ... upOMNenzEA on all the drawstrings in all of the shorts and pants, and that seems to have made it work seamlessly. We did also spend time in the summer discussing privacy in the locker room, and I haven't heard any complaints from anyone.

Good luck! I was very, very scared at the beginning of middle school - and of course each kid is totally different - but I found it to be a much better environment for DS.

The ASD kids in our local school dress for gym in the health room.

I should also mention that, despite my concerns about theft etc. to which DS would be vulnerable (his lunchbox was stolen several times in elementary school) nothing like that has happened. I think we think of 12 year old NTs as being crazy jerks, but the reality is much more tame.

I think this is trying to 'left-brain' skills which by their very nature are loosey goosey right-brain skills.

If your son "appropriately wait his turn to speak" as the goal the speech therapist made, will kind of lose the moment and be perceived as stilted by his peers.

And the goal of "on 5 consecutive opportunities." Wow. What if the person your son approaches using perfectly good middle-of-the-road skills simply doesn't feel like talking?

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One skill/goal which has helped me is, if someone needs space, I go ahead and give them space, without the intermediary step of asking if they should need space.

PS I AM NOT A PARENT. I am a person who lives my life on the spectrum, now comfortably self-diagnosed, and I try and be a pretty alright guy.

If classmates or even his 'friends' try to push him to do something illegal, stupid, mean, dangerous, hurtful, or just plain pointless, it helps to have a line available such as "Not my program." Maybe even a line he picks up from a movie he likes, and often the shorter the better.

Now, straight up, even though, yes, walk away from a fight if you reasonably, I recommend boxing lessons. And I also recommend the strategy of tight, defensive boxing to a draw, and counting a draw as a win, and maybe even the best kind because you aren't trying to humiliate someone you'll probably see again (and I wish this was more widely understood in international affairs). Now, please don't let your son take a bunch of blows to the head during training, because all that stuff about post-concussion syndrome and even cumulative lesser blows, is largely true and boxing headgear doesn't really protect.
http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt134616.html

Again, I am not advocating fighting. Don't get drawn in. Walk away, including to an area with more people (and that skill is probably worth specifically teaching). But, sometimes one can't reasonably walk away, and that's just the fact of the matter.

Regarding the locker issue, what I did was keep everything in my backpack. In grade 10, I used my locker about five times in the entire school year.

I typed a reply and then hit the wrong button.

We've also experienced an easier time in middle school than elementary school, including navigating riding a bus and having a locker for PE. Both have actually been great learning opportunities! I was more anxious than my son about both, and he's been incredibly successful in figuring out his own way to do things. I thought the locker situation would be a nightmare, because of his memory issues - he got a really easy combination and figured out a neumonic on his own to help him remember.

He ran out of electives that were open (usually one class spot is a required reading class and he's already 12 grade reading level in 6th grade....) and chose to take PE a second semester, even though he's not at all into sports. And now he's choosing electives for seventh grade and chose PE as his second our of four electives.

I was concerned about the changing as well, but it's been a non-issue. In our school they only strip down to underwear, so no required nudity. We did talk about locker room rules but our PE coach seems to be on top of that and provides a lot of supervision in the locker room.

We have a great resource teacher in our middle school and that makes a huge difference. Her main role is as an advocate for her ASD kids with the teachers and she acts as a go-between. At our school, she is the person who helps with organization and executive dysfunction issues - I'd have to look up our exact wording, but we have accommodations allowing full credit for work being turned in late (specifically for times when the homework was done, but forgotten at home.....), extra time for assignments, a meeting with the resource teacher once a week to organize his backpack (no lockers), and a three-times a week check-in for help turning in homework assignments.

We've very slowly been turning these accommodations into goals, to foster more independence.

His grades were a little lower this past 9 weeks, but still all A's and B's.

We're in a sticky situation with speech as well - knows all the rules, can't always apply them and lots of the pragmatic stuff is aimed at really young kids, not older kids. Our team has started integrating speech/social skills together in small teams and that seems to kind of bring things together more smoothly. He's made two new friends on his own this year, which is great, and I'd rather that kind of speech/social interaction be a natural, reflection of who he is and not be something he's forced into. Our ST in elementary school was big on forcing eye contact, "Julian, JUlian, JULIAN! Look at me when I'm talking to you, look at ME!". As long as what they're providing isn't doing any harm, and Julian is happy with his interactions, I don't press in that area.

It's funny - our younger ASD guy (6) has the same ST and now when someone talks to him that is outside our family, they get the deer in the headlights, eyes wide open, staring at your soul look, from that forced eye contact training.

I did suggest a great social skills program, which will be started next year - the UCLA PEERS program. Alex posted some youtube links here on Wrong Planet about it - it is amazing.

I have to get ready for work, but just like a few others here, we've found middle school much easier all around than elementary school.

Our version of this was that they can give DS an F if they want to, but they need to require him to turn in the work anyway, even if he got a failing grade. I was concerned that DS would get an F and then decide that was an acceptable trade-off for not doing work.

Turns out, DS really understands the A-F grading system much better than the old SINU system. He's motivated to not get an F, and he understands that getting an F can be a consequence of poor organization, so he's been motivated to keep up with the systems we put in place. It's not working perfectly, but so far he continues to stay motivated and is keeping his grades above a C.

The once place we're having trouble is that the teachers don't check that his assignment notebook is filled out in the way they are supposed to.

He has to understand it's more than just getting a grade. It is learning the material as well not only to being able to function in the world better with certain basic skills but to become a better thinker. Am I correct?

I could never remember my locker combos what was done for me was my mom wrote them all down and put them on a laminated sheet in my wallet. that worked out really well for me. the first couple weeks of using the lockers for the first time was nerve wracking

Ultimately, yes - but at this point, I want him to learn that he's going to have to do the work whether or not he gets a bad grade - so he might as well do a good job.

That's very clever of you! How did you come up with this creative and innovative approach?

In my day a number of students would choose to take the F.

Mostly watching other kids I knew who were older than him decide it was easier to just fail their way through Middle School. I realized it was because they also realized that an F was a fair trade-off for not doing any work, and that I'd have to somehow circumvent that.

I almost always just went with the F in middle school since it did not even seem to mater what grades I got. in the middle of middle school I had some things added to my IEP like any work that I did not do or was not satisfactory I had to stay after school on Friday till I completed it, I really hated it at the time but it worked. after a few weeks of staying on Fridays to complete my work I started to just do my work to avoid having to stay after school.